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  • Chances of being given permission to move?

    I'll try to make this as short as possible, but the history is long and complex lol.

    So my husband and I are contemplating moving to Australia. We both have job offers there and honestly I want to run away from winter. My question is what are the chances of a judge allowing this to happen with my 9 year old.

    I have had sole custody of my 9 year old since birth, court ordered since 18 months. I have primary residence and dad has every other weekend, every other Wednesday and two non consecutive holiday weeks for access. My child does not want to see dad as it stands. CAS has been involved multiple multiple times from calls from the school and doctors, a therapist is involved in my child's care, and recently the police have had to locate and obtain my child for me as dad was not returning from access. Further I have a child with my husband. My two children have a very close relationship. The father of the 9 year old does not have any other children.

    Based on all of this what are the chances that I would be given permission to move with my child? I don't want to start the process unless I'm reasonably sure that I'll win, as my understanding is starting this proceeding can be quantified as material change and have custody called into question. I don't want my child suffering anymore, as it stands my child would rather not see dad (therapist is involved because last year the family doctor was told suicide was preferable to seeing dad). I know it's not usually until 13 that a child can have a say, and if we have to wait until then we will, but obviously we'd prefer to get on with it.

    Thanks for the help/advice!

  • #2
    In a nutshell. Your chances are slim if dad objects. Even if he’s an abusive father who’s not taken much interest in the child, the maximum contact principle will prevail.
    That being said, there are lots of posts here on mobility...and strangely enough you have a better chance of being given permission to move to another country than you do of being allowed to move to another province.

    It can also be extremely expensive to argue in court ( try in the hundreds of thousands of dollars ) and will most likely require a trial.

    Do your research. Ask dad what he thinks. If he objects be prepared for a long, drawn out, expensive legal battle. Oh... and don’t think for one minute this will be resolved anytime soon. There will likely be an expensive custody/access assessment which will take about 8 months to complete. Your ex will also be able to successfully stall and delay the matter from getting to trial for two or three years if he wants. Even if both you and your husband are unable to get any employment at all here but are both able to get six figure salaried jobs overseas , chances are you’ll be court ordered into poverty on the off chance dad wants to see his child.

    Courts have a very twisted and warped view of the best interests of the child. Food, shelter and clothing are not considered important if it means that an absentee father can’t see his children on the off chance the mood strikes him.

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    • #3
      Well that's depressing. I have realized that the courts don't quite consider actual best interest of the child vs best interest of non primary parent, but what you've laid out seems insane. So I guess our best bet is just to wait until the courts will listen to the child. I've heard various ages, but that 13 was a 'for sure' age children will be listened to. Any experience in this?

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      • #4
        Read this thread, it explains trying to move out of the Country.

        http://www.ottawadivorce.com/forum/s...ad.php?t=21677

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        • #5
          At age 13 the court may consider the wishes of the child however that is only a small part of what the court takes into consideration when determining where the child can live. If you speak to a lawyer they will tell you that a child has no real say until they reach age 18. Lawyers get really uncomfortable when you ask them about this. They start to squirm and sweat and try to avoid giving you a straight answer. They will tell you that the child can’t decide until age 18. What they won’t tell you is that the law is bizarre and that an 8 year old crown ward gets to decide whether or not they want to be adopted by a certain couple yet a 13 year old does not get to decide who they want to live with or visit.
          Short answer is no a 13 year old doesn’t get to decide where or with whom they wish to live. They sort of get a say, indirectly, through a sometimes biased court appointed assessor or OCL .

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          • #6
            I think you have more to worry about with why a 9-year-old hates it at his father's house so much he's talking suicide. That should get resolved first. If there's something going on there that justifies the dad having his access removed, that could pave the way for your move.


            But it's far better for the child to have his relationship with his father mended than for it to be ended completely.

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            • #7
              If your child is telling a doctor he’d rather commit suicide than see dad you will need the doctor to put this in writing. You also need to get your child into counselling to deal with this. The sooner, the better. Your ex may blame you for your child’s Mental health problems and accuse you of alienation.

              This sounds like it could turn into a complicated trial. You need to get to the bottom of where this suicidal ideation is coming from? Is your child genuinely afraid of your ex? Stressed by the litigation, CAS, police involvement, etc? Are they saying this because they side with you and think this is what you want to hear? Whatever the reason, you should take it seriously. Watch for it to escalate. Do they self harm ( cut their wrists and hide it with long sleeved sweaters)?

              Your child may be better served at present staying put in a familiar environment with school, family and friends while they get help for their mental health. If your child is expressing these thoughts they are emotionally fragile and a move to another country could send them over the edge.

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              • #8
                Well that's why the child is in therapy and doing much better. I know what's up, however there's nothing that can be done as CAS is quite the useless organizations and has told me as much

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                • #9
                  Child is seeing a therapist and doing much better from last summer. Therapist actually thinks a new location would be good, as there is a high level of fear associated with the father. Child full on believes dad is going to kill me and their sibling

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                  • #10
                    OMG, stay safe.

                    Comment

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