So I am near completely Alienated from my daughters D13 and D10.
It's the longest of stories, but in short, since September they have lived with OP. Over the past months, since she filed for sole custody, they have steadily gravitated to her. Now I get called to drive them places or drop something off.
They have some emotional issues and because of that I haven't pushed or tried to force them to come home so they don't feel torn. CAS is involved with our family, our worker doesn't get it, their counselor is at a loss and so are we.
Apart from a lunch a couple of weeks ago and D13 coming home unexpectedly for a day, we are nearly completely cut off.
OPs motion for custody fell apart and with the support of a CAS letter, we are now going to have an assessment, either through the OCL and a clinician (the intake is in), or through a private assessment should the OCL not employ a clinician or outright not take the file.
I have made every concession I can think of in regards to allowing our daughters the freedom to not be home until an assessment can perhaps shed some light on what it is that is occurring.
The only boundary I have set is this: I will not go into OP's home.
Now, for Christmas, our daughters have said they would like to see me, but only if I go to OP's home and visit them there. OP has discussed this with them and supports the idea. I have said I will do anything, at any time, but not visit them in OP's home where my spouse (who they had a close and loving relationship with) is not able to enter and where I have been the subject of any number of accusations by OP (one of which was an investigated allegation of assault against her).
I am having the hardest time setting this boundary. I want to see our children more than anything else and every family member knows that when I have the opportunity to see my children, everything else is backburnered. For now it's the only way.
But this, visit my children in OP's home. I won't explain court, accusation etc. to our daughters. They don't need to hear or know about all of that. So they won't get it and so I know it will upset them and OP is already painting it as "if you really wanted to see them".
This sucks. Has anyone else tried to set a boundary like or similar to this? Any experiences?
It's the longest of stories, but in short, since September they have lived with OP. Over the past months, since she filed for sole custody, they have steadily gravitated to her. Now I get called to drive them places or drop something off.
They have some emotional issues and because of that I haven't pushed or tried to force them to come home so they don't feel torn. CAS is involved with our family, our worker doesn't get it, their counselor is at a loss and so are we.
Apart from a lunch a couple of weeks ago and D13 coming home unexpectedly for a day, we are nearly completely cut off.
OPs motion for custody fell apart and with the support of a CAS letter, we are now going to have an assessment, either through the OCL and a clinician (the intake is in), or through a private assessment should the OCL not employ a clinician or outright not take the file.
I have made every concession I can think of in regards to allowing our daughters the freedom to not be home until an assessment can perhaps shed some light on what it is that is occurring.
The only boundary I have set is this: I will not go into OP's home.
Now, for Christmas, our daughters have said they would like to see me, but only if I go to OP's home and visit them there. OP has discussed this with them and supports the idea. I have said I will do anything, at any time, but not visit them in OP's home where my spouse (who they had a close and loving relationship with) is not able to enter and where I have been the subject of any number of accusations by OP (one of which was an investigated allegation of assault against her).
I am having the hardest time setting this boundary. I want to see our children more than anything else and every family member knows that when I have the opportunity to see my children, everything else is backburnered. For now it's the only way.
But this, visit my children in OP's home. I won't explain court, accusation etc. to our daughters. They don't need to hear or know about all of that. So they won't get it and so I know it will upset them and OP is already painting it as "if you really wanted to see them".
This sucks. Has anyone else tried to set a boundary like or similar to this? Any experiences?
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