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Mediation - expensive waste of time and $ with nothing to show for it

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  • Mediation - expensive waste of time and $ with nothing to show for it

    I've posted a few times here before. STBX and I split over a year ago and started the legal process in the Fall of 2015. He was resistant, mostly for financial reasons - he LOVES his money but not me. So after hiring and firing one lawyer, he got a new one and we had a mediation day last week. Mediation didn't occur together - mediator went from room to room where we were both represented. When his lawyer submitted his documents, they were incomplete - specifically form 13.1. He hadn't completed his budget or completely disclosed his assets - both at marriage, separation and now. We decided to go through with the mediation, since canceling isn't free and maybe we could get something out of it, since he'd submitted his T4 which would be enough to determine interim support (he's not paying). We also hoped to get a parenting plan out of it, since it's all over the place and we see each other too often and it's volatile.
    Anyway, we got NOTHING done at mediation. The mediator was not calm, and seemed to be on side with my STBX about his financial claims, even though he had no proof of most of his claims. His self generated 'spreadsheet' wasn't even accurate and contained many mistakes. We ended early and my lawyer sent a draft parenting proposal to his lawyer, and I haven't heard anything since. We wasted 5 hours there.
    I just got the bill for mediation. All totalled, the day cost me over 10k including prep time. What do I do now? I can't afford these types of legal bills when there's no progress. He's known for stalling and basically doing nothing, in an effort to thwart the process.

  • #2
    You should ask your lawyer this question.

    Don't get sucked into agreeing to a 4-way meeting either.

    You say you "started the legal process in the Fall..." - what exactly did that entail? Have you filed any notices yet or has it just been letter writing between the lawyers?

    You have to do some homework/research and INSTRUCT your lawyer or you will continue to be taken advantage of IMO.

    Ask your lawyer for a "plan of action" - if the lawyer will not do this then consider obtaining a lawyer who will.

    It's your money. Use it wisely.

    Comment


    • #3
      I went to see a lawyer in the fall. Then to the mediator for an intake appointment. We decided that we'd try to mediate the outstanding issues. He finally got a lawyer then fired her, then got a new one. That all pushed the mediation date to late April.
      Letter writing and phone calls between lawyers prior to mediation. What 'notices' should I be filing? My understanding is that court would be way more expensive than any option, although that might end up being the only way to go.

      Why would a mediator accept a self-generated list of expenses, when the official document Form 13.1 wasn't complete?

      This was the Plan of Action. An expensive fail.

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      • #4
        I think you need to walk before you run.

        First things first. You need an interim Order for SUBSTANTIAL spousal support. This will be useful as it should be incentive for your ex to get his act together. I'd start there. If he has to pay big bucks until matters are settled he may think twice about dicking around.

        Consider Arbitration.

        Always consider making Formal Offers to Settle. This will help you down the road recover some money spent on lawyers.

        These things are all part of your 'plan of action' that you and your lawyer work together on.

        I can't comment much on mediators except to say that I am highly suspicious of people who are out making a buck off the unfortunate demise of the marriage - a lawyer is enough of an expense.

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        • #5
          Originally posted by arabian View Post
          Always consider making Formal Offers to Settle. This will help you down the road recover some money spent on lawyers.
          This is important. Your offer (formal) should be realistic, and putting the kid(s) interests first. IF you end up in trial, any award for costs will consider your offers, how reasonable it is, and how close it resembles a final order. You are *expected* to try and settle.

          Judges want to see that you did everything in your power to resolve the issues and avoid trial.

          Agree with arbitration... you get decisions at a substantially less expensive cost than trial.

          Sent from my HTC One_M8 using Tapatalk

          Comment

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