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Good morning all,
I was on here before as Crispy. I'm in need of advice, more so confirmation that I'm doing the right thing. I tried to update my separation agreement a little over two years ago, she agreed to everything I asked for to keep things out of court and didn't live up to anything. My changes all stemmed around myself wanting to spend more time with my two kids.
I'll give a quick background on this. I've been separated from my two daughter's mother for over 8 years now. Their ages are 10 and 8(she was 4 months old when I was asked to leave and then their mother moved her boyfriend in after I was gone for 2 weeks). I have a wonderful relationship with my daughters that is stronger than one can imagine, especially with my youngest who was so young at the point of separation. We went through a very rocky divorce. I only fought to see my kids, she kept or stole the household stuff, I didn't care, I only wanted to see my kids.
Fast forward, in the recession of 2009 I lost my job in Thunder Bay, where all of us lived. I found work before my actual lay off date, but my choices were all out of town. I had 2 jobs offered in Alberta and one contract job offered in Sault Ste. Marie. I weighed every option possible and worked out all the numbers. I opted for the S.S.M. job at the steel plant. I reluctantly packed up and had to leave my angels, one of the hardest things I've had to do. But I did it to maintain my child support to my children to make sure that they wouldn't do without. 5 months after moving, I met my wife. Aside from my kids, she's the greatest thing to ever happen to me and my daughter's absolutely adore her.
One month after meeting my wife, my girl's mother goes ahead and files to change my daughter's last names. (she has sole custody due to a lawyer not doing his job, but that's another topic) My daughter's were 5 and 3 at this point. My oldest being in school and used to my last name. I suggest that we hyphenate our last names to no avail. I hire a lawyer and get a stop put to the whole thing. Every time she was asked why she was doing it, had nothing to do with the children and she didn't want "her" children to have the same last name as my wife if I re-marry. Right before we're actually heading to court, she agrees to hyphenate the name. Any time the girls are enrolled in something, be it school or a figure skating show, the name listed is the mother's last name only) The girl's knowing that they are my children, have taken it upon themselves to sign their names hyphenated. Made me really proud that they took it upon themselves.
Fast forward 1.5 years, my wife and I get married in S.S.M. As it was both of our second marriages we decided to have our wedding our way. We had no wedding party except for my girls. We rented an art gallery by the water, had an outdoor wedding with 100 of our closest friends and family. Life was GREAT! I had to beg and plead to get my girls to S.S.M. for the wedding. The only way she would agree to it was if her parents were the ones to bring them to town. On the night of the wedding they were to be picked up at the wedding by her parents and brought back to Thunder Bay the next day. I could then see them again in Thunder Bay a couple days later. I had one night and the day of the wedding with them. I know it's a busy time, but they were involved in everything and they had a blast. My wife had a photobook made as gifts to our parents and every time my oldest is at my parents house, the first thing she goes for is that book and looks at it repeatedly.
Fast forward a year, my wife and I have our own baby, an amazing little boy. A couple months after the birth of my son, I approach my wife to change our settlement agreement. She panics, wanting to keep things out of court, as I do too, she agrees to everything I ask for. It was mainly pertaining to more time with my girls. I wanted to have one month in the summer time, alternating march breaks and a week at Christmas as well as the one weekend a month we had currently been doing. That's right, since September 2009, I have been travelling 700kms one way, at least once a month to visit the girls. Even if it was only for a couple hours in the evenings for one or two nights. She would never allow me to have them overnight and bring them to school the next morning. So, she agreed, her only stipulation was that the first summer to be 2 weeks instead of 4, giving the girls a little transition time. I thought it was crap, but I agreed. We flew the girls to S.S.M. My ex had a problem with Bearskin Airlines and their policies. She had made a scene at the airport and upset my youngest daughter. Bearskin is the only choice for unaccompanied minors since it's the only direct flight. She declared that they will never fly by themselves again. Before this, I only had them for one week in the summer time. My girls had always been telling me how they wanted to see us a lot more.
When the time came for me to have the girls for March break, my ex asked if she could have them and I would get them the next year as she had plans. The girls told us that they actually went to their grandparents house and their mom went our of town while they sat and did nothing for the week. That coming summer when it was time for a month with them, my ex refused to give me a whole month with them unless I had the month off from work. She refused to let me have them if I had to work. Ridiculous and wrong.
This past November, my ex and her boyfriend had split up. This was the guy that she moved into the marital home 2 weeks after I had left. They forced my daughters at a very early age to call him dad. I even had arguments with him telling me that he's more of a dad than I'll ever be. So now they split up and what does she do? Starts bringing the new guy around before the month is over. My girls confided in me that they don't like the guy. Nothing in particular about him, just a feeling. Plus, their ex step-dad was the primary caregiver as he worked from home. You can imagine that my girls were very upset.
This past Christmas, she agreed to let me have them for the week following. But we had to meet halfway since she wouldn't allow them to fly. Of course I agreed. A couple days before the access, she said she was going to cut the access by one day cause she hadn't seen them much and missed them. What could I do? Nothing. We now had 6 days with them instead of 7. On day 5, my ex texted me, demanding I meet her halfway immediately as there was an approaching snow storm. I explained to her that we were in central Michigan at a water park and we couldn't arrive at the halfway point until around 11pm or so. Her response was that the Christmas access like this will never happen again and that the girls are not to be on the highway during the winter months.
I felt I had no other action other than to hire a lawyer and proceed that way to get the proper amendments to our agreement. Of course she flipped out on me. Through negotiations, we agreed on March Break access. But, because of it being a winter month and there still being snow on the ground, she refused to meet me halfway and they weren't allowed to fly by themselves. She told me that I could have the week with them in Thunder Bay and spend the time at my parents. I wanted my kids to be in our home. We renovated our home when we bought it, so the girls would have their own rooms. Her only way she would agree for the girls to travel would be if I accompanied them. She even made me give her the flight information to make sure I wasn't saying I was going to fly then drive. I agreed as it was the only way I could see my girls. After all was said and done, the week cost me around $2500 for plane tickets and about $200 in gas money. That's on top of the $1174 I was paying for CS. The girls had a blast, confided in myself and my wife a ton but are scared of hurting their mother's feelings. While I had them, she demanded that she talked to them on the flight days and twice in between. I have to add that because she didn't get back to me in a timely manner, the only flights that were available were the Sunday afternoon to the Friday. We had to spend the rest of the time at my parents house. I feel for these girls and wish I could do something to help them. The other reason, other than more time with the girls, was that we were seeking a little more structure for our lives since a month before my wife gave birth to our second amazing son.
I was on here before as Crispy. I'm in need of advice, more so confirmation that I'm doing the right thing. I tried to update my separation agreement a little over two years ago, she agreed to everything I asked for to keep things out of court and didn't live up to anything. My changes all stemmed around myself wanting to spend more time with my two kids.
I'll give a quick background on this. I've been separated from my two daughter's mother for over 8 years now. Their ages are 10 and 8(she was 4 months old when I was asked to leave and then their mother moved her boyfriend in after I was gone for 2 weeks). I have a wonderful relationship with my daughters that is stronger than one can imagine, especially with my youngest who was so young at the point of separation. We went through a very rocky divorce. I only fought to see my kids, she kept or stole the household stuff, I didn't care, I only wanted to see my kids.
Fast forward, in the recession of 2009 I lost my job in Thunder Bay, where all of us lived. I found work before my actual lay off date, but my choices were all out of town. I had 2 jobs offered in Alberta and one contract job offered in Sault Ste. Marie. I weighed every option possible and worked out all the numbers. I opted for the S.S.M. job at the steel plant. I reluctantly packed up and had to leave my angels, one of the hardest things I've had to do. But I did it to maintain my child support to my children to make sure that they wouldn't do without. 5 months after moving, I met my wife. Aside from my kids, she's the greatest thing to ever happen to me and my daughter's absolutely adore her.
One month after meeting my wife, my girl's mother goes ahead and files to change my daughter's last names. (she has sole custody due to a lawyer not doing his job, but that's another topic) My daughter's were 5 and 3 at this point. My oldest being in school and used to my last name. I suggest that we hyphenate our last names to no avail. I hire a lawyer and get a stop put to the whole thing. Every time she was asked why she was doing it, had nothing to do with the children and she didn't want "her" children to have the same last name as my wife if I re-marry. Right before we're actually heading to court, she agrees to hyphenate the name. Any time the girls are enrolled in something, be it school or a figure skating show, the name listed is the mother's last name only) The girl's knowing that they are my children, have taken it upon themselves to sign their names hyphenated. Made me really proud that they took it upon themselves.
Fast forward 1.5 years, my wife and I get married in S.S.M. As it was both of our second marriages we decided to have our wedding our way. We had no wedding party except for my girls. We rented an art gallery by the water, had an outdoor wedding with 100 of our closest friends and family. Life was GREAT! I had to beg and plead to get my girls to S.S.M. for the wedding. The only way she would agree to it was if her parents were the ones to bring them to town. On the night of the wedding they were to be picked up at the wedding by her parents and brought back to Thunder Bay the next day. I could then see them again in Thunder Bay a couple days later. I had one night and the day of the wedding with them. I know it's a busy time, but they were involved in everything and they had a blast. My wife had a photobook made as gifts to our parents and every time my oldest is at my parents house, the first thing she goes for is that book and looks at it repeatedly.
Fast forward a year, my wife and I have our own baby, an amazing little boy. A couple months after the birth of my son, I approach my wife to change our settlement agreement. She panics, wanting to keep things out of court, as I do too, she agrees to everything I ask for. It was mainly pertaining to more time with my girls. I wanted to have one month in the summer time, alternating march breaks and a week at Christmas as well as the one weekend a month we had currently been doing. That's right, since September 2009, I have been travelling 700kms one way, at least once a month to visit the girls. Even if it was only for a couple hours in the evenings for one or two nights. She would never allow me to have them overnight and bring them to school the next morning. So, she agreed, her only stipulation was that the first summer to be 2 weeks instead of 4, giving the girls a little transition time. I thought it was crap, but I agreed. We flew the girls to S.S.M. My ex had a problem with Bearskin Airlines and their policies. She had made a scene at the airport and upset my youngest daughter. Bearskin is the only choice for unaccompanied minors since it's the only direct flight. She declared that they will never fly by themselves again. Before this, I only had them for one week in the summer time. My girls had always been telling me how they wanted to see us a lot more.
When the time came for me to have the girls for March break, my ex asked if she could have them and I would get them the next year as she had plans. The girls told us that they actually went to their grandparents house and their mom went our of town while they sat and did nothing for the week. That coming summer when it was time for a month with them, my ex refused to give me a whole month with them unless I had the month off from work. She refused to let me have them if I had to work. Ridiculous and wrong.
This past November, my ex and her boyfriend had split up. This was the guy that she moved into the marital home 2 weeks after I had left. They forced my daughters at a very early age to call him dad. I even had arguments with him telling me that he's more of a dad than I'll ever be. So now they split up and what does she do? Starts bringing the new guy around before the month is over. My girls confided in me that they don't like the guy. Nothing in particular about him, just a feeling. Plus, their ex step-dad was the primary caregiver as he worked from home. You can imagine that my girls were very upset.
This past Christmas, she agreed to let me have them for the week following. But we had to meet halfway since she wouldn't allow them to fly. Of course I agreed. A couple days before the access, she said she was going to cut the access by one day cause she hadn't seen them much and missed them. What could I do? Nothing. We now had 6 days with them instead of 7. On day 5, my ex texted me, demanding I meet her halfway immediately as there was an approaching snow storm. I explained to her that we were in central Michigan at a water park and we couldn't arrive at the halfway point until around 11pm or so. Her response was that the Christmas access like this will never happen again and that the girls are not to be on the highway during the winter months.
I felt I had no other action other than to hire a lawyer and proceed that way to get the proper amendments to our agreement. Of course she flipped out on me. Through negotiations, we agreed on March Break access. But, because of it being a winter month and there still being snow on the ground, she refused to meet me halfway and they weren't allowed to fly by themselves. She told me that I could have the week with them in Thunder Bay and spend the time at my parents. I wanted my kids to be in our home. We renovated our home when we bought it, so the girls would have their own rooms. Her only way she would agree for the girls to travel would be if I accompanied them. She even made me give her the flight information to make sure I wasn't saying I was going to fly then drive. I agreed as it was the only way I could see my girls. After all was said and done, the week cost me around $2500 for plane tickets and about $200 in gas money. That's on top of the $1174 I was paying for CS. The girls had a blast, confided in myself and my wife a ton but are scared of hurting their mother's feelings. While I had them, she demanded that she talked to them on the flight days and twice in between. I have to add that because she didn't get back to me in a timely manner, the only flights that were available were the Sunday afternoon to the Friday. We had to spend the rest of the time at my parents house. I feel for these girls and wish I could do something to help them. The other reason, other than more time with the girls, was that we were seeking a little more structure for our lives since a month before my wife gave birth to our second amazing son.
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