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  • Drinking & Driving with kids

    Looking for some advice for a friend. There is no court order, but there is a separation agreement. Access is unsupervised. After a recent access visit the oldest child indicated to friend on return that they were at a family gathering the prior night and the access parent was drinking. The child indicated having heard a sister of the access parent asking if they would need a ride home (seemingly on account of the drinking). The child also indicated that they didn't know how many the parent had to drink (apparently parent drinks a fair bit so the child has given up paying attention). After leaving the party, the parent was quizzed in the car by another child as to why they weren't going home. Angrily replied they were going to the beer store. On return home, the kids had to put the beer in the fridge.

    My friend is concerned about the well being of the children while in the other parent's care given the drinking/driving, a fairly common event it seems (other things too but this is main concern at the moment). The child is not willing/confident to stand up against the parent, and the family of said parent have a history of siding with rather than doing what is right by the kids.

    Any suggestions, advice, comments on what my friend can do to address this situation and keep the kids safe when with the other parent other than trying to have the children stand up for themselves when they find themselves in this situation again?

  • #2
    How old is the oldest child in the family?

    Drinking at a family gathering and going to the beer store is not illegal, neither is asking kids to put away the beer (although it's pretty tacky). The concern is whether the access parent was driving drunk. Would the oldest child be able to recognize whether the parent is too impaired to drive, and call a family friend or relative who could come and pick them up and drive them all home (including access parent)?

    I think the options available to your friend hinge on the maturity level of the children involved. It suck for a child to have to monitor the behavior of an adult, but sometimes it's necessary.

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    • #3
      child is almost 13. Not sure would be able to determine whether or not parent would be above legal limit for driving given parent is an "experienced" drinker. Again in this latest incident, seems even family members were concerned about the drinking yet did little to prevent the parent from driving with the kids.

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      • #4
        Originally posted by golf.fanatic View Post
        child is almost 13. Not sure would be able to determine whether or not parent would be above legal limit for driving given parent is an "experienced" drinker. Again in this latest incident, seems even family members were concerned about the drinking yet did little to prevent the parent from driving with the kids.
        next time can the child talk to another adult at the place and say the don't feel comfortable about the parent driving?

        With the rules now, its not just the legal limit for driving, there is also "buzzed driving"

        Don't kid yourself, I grew up with alcoholics and even at a younger age then 13 I could tell when they had too much to drink.

        This is the time to start teaching the kids that if they do not feel comfortable getting into a car with someone then to call someone to get them. If the other parent does pick them up due to drinking, its not the time to make a scene or yell at the other parent. Kids see that and think the caused a conflict and wont call again.

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