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  • Sleeping arrangements, again

    So, my ex is renting out bedrooms in his house to make ends meet. The kids therefore need to share a bedroom (boy 12, girl 10) and they need to sleep on inflatable mattresses. They are exhausted from poor quality sleep. They obviously don't like this situation. Strangers are sleeping in their bedroom, on their bed while they (try to) sleep on blow-up mattresses.

    How reasonable is this arrangement?
    And for exactly how long is this "temporary" arrangement reasonable? (No clear answer from ex as to the definition of "temporary") (The kids go there 1 week + 1 weekend per month).

    Thanks.

  • #2
    The snarky answer would be to switch to 50-50 access. CS would switch to offset and he would have more money available and wouldn't need boarders.

    Comment


    • #3
      Technically and legally, we are still on a 50/50 schedule. (Thus the CS support amount has not changed.)

      In reality, the kids are with m 3 weeks per month.

      I don't care about the CS. I care about my kid's welfare.
      Last edited by Suzie; 02-20-2014, 09:14 AM. Reason: add info

      Comment


      • #4
        I do not know who the renters are. Not much I can do about that either.
        I just care about my kids being dead tired and not being able to perform well in school.
        I find it unfair that they should suffer because dad made unwise financial decisions. (He makes ++ 90K per year, yet... none of my business.)

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        • #5
          so just give him part or all of the money to cover cost of boarder since u don't care about CS

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          • #6
            Yes, that could be an option : buy my kids AND take responsibility for his debts. Genius.

            Let me add : he has 4 (four) boarders in total. The 330$ monthly CS could buy my kids, but hardly be a dent in helping him pay off his debts.

            I'm talking about way more than half a million dollar debt. (He provided his financial disclosure). I am seriously getting concerned for my children's well being. Seriously. (Even though I know his situation is none of my business.)
            Last edited by Suzie; 02-20-2014, 10:08 AM. Reason: add detail

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            • #7
              Be thankful he hasn't declared bankruptcy - then see how easy it is to collect on arrears.

              Have you had a one-on-one discussion with him about the arrangement? Before you launch into court action this would be a logical first step. Maybe he needs to do this for a year to make a dent in his financial situation. Perhaps he is willing for kids to stay with you 100% of the time for now with regular visits/outings.

              Sometimes flexibility is best for everyone. See what solutions he is willing to offer. Surely he knows the situation for the kids isn't the best?

              I'd have a problem with strangers sleeping on my kid's beds for sure. The first thing that comes to mind is LICE. Ew.

              Comment


              • #8
                Well then don't say you don't care about CS/money.

                He should just claim bankruptcy depending on assets - that's what it is there for.

                You should suggest it to him but so he doesn't get caught in 21 month bankruptcy protection to make an agreement with you so that he won't have any "surplus" income in the bankruptcy and be discharged 9 mo. He should basically pay you off with credit cards the arrears and then go bankrupt. That way you get the money, no sweat off his back (the CC debt will be discharged in bankruptcy), and he won't have arrears anymore. Acting sooner is normally better than later because interest will make this impossible.

                Bankruptcy is a reality for many ppl post divorce statistically speaking.

                That way he'll be able to get a fresh start in life and as long as he has some investments with some banks they'll apparently give him credit cards right away in fact.

                Comment


                • #9
                  You could send a strongly worded letter registered of course informing him that the children are not sleeping well and school is suffering. Suggest he purchase 2 beds, bunk or single with bedding for the children to spend overnights. Point out that all his renters need criminal background checks as non related adults living with the children. You can also suggest that overnights need to suspended until this is done. Suggest a schedule such as you will pick up the children at 8 pm. He can pick them up after school and also on weekends he can pickup at 8 am and they will be returned at 9 pm.

                  Then you can put a lien on his property, so if he declares bankruptcy you will get the equity, if any, in lieu of CS. Also you could call CAS to report the poor living conditions. You can call Canada Revenue to report his undeclared rental income. Because I doubt he is declaring it.

                  Now I am sure there are lots of posters here that will cry " foul". but if the children are suffering then action is needed.

                  OR

                  Alternatively go out and buy a set of bunk beds, and bedding have them delivered to his house. IKEA is not expensive and you will know your children are getting a good sleep.

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Originally posted by Rioe View Post
                    The snarky answer would be to switch to 50-50 access. CS would switch to offset and he would have more money available and wouldn't need boarders.
                    Because the big difference in offset child support is going to make up for the income generated from 4 boarders?

                    The solution shouldn't be to change the custodial agreement to accommodate the ex's debt. How is that in the best interests of anyone except the ex?

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Originally posted by Beachnana View Post
                      Alternatively go out and buy a set of bunk beds, and bedding have them delivered to his house. IKEA is not expensive and you will know your children are getting a good sleep.
                      This would seem to me to be the best answer.

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        And maybe while the OP is at it, SHE should offer to pay HIS rent and buy HIS groceries too!!!!
                        You know just to help out.

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Originally posted by DowntroddenDad View Post
                          This would seem to me to be the best answer.
                          I like this too. Kids will be excited about getting new furniture, and it requires minimum dealing with the ex (assuming he's capable of assembling Ikea furniture, of course).

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Originally posted by Gooddadbadbreak View Post
                            And maybe while the OP is at it, SHE should offer to pay HIS rent and buy HIS groceries too!!!!
                            You know just to help out.
                            The OP mentioned the concern isn't the CS, its the saftey and comfort of the kids that is the main issue, and this would address that. Bunk beds aren't that expensive, but perhaps they are to the father who is drowning in debt.

                            You want to be right and let the kids be miserable? Or do you want to solve problems.

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Providing 2 options.

                              Option 1 The conflict route such as Court, CAS. Reporting to CRA
                              Option 2 Sending over a bed.
                              Well there is a 3 rd! Tell your kids to " suck it up" as you can't interfere in Dads arrangements. Its for a few years, because once these kids become teenagers they will make up their own minds.

                              Comment

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