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  • Parental rights

    I have a court order in which all rights to my daughter have been signed off, by her father, and no support has been paid, is that not considered signing off parental rights?

    How can he come back after 13 years requesting access after only meeting his daughter once?

    This could get complicated so bare with me.

  • #2
    What exactly does the court Order that you have actually state?

    How did this court Order come about?

    Why would a father sign off his parental rights? And why would you agree to this? I believe this may be important in trying to answer your question in the original post.

    Nothing is ever final when it comes to custody and access as I understand it. However, given your daughter's age I would assume that she might have a say in what happens moving forward.

    What exactly is dad wanting? You elude to access but what kind of access? And how did he come about to request this access - legal route or just emailed you for instance?

    Comment


    • #3
      Hum...sound like Gooddadbadluck story but in reverse.

      I would be shocked if this was a coincidence.

      Sorry for being a cynical but many have posted with a second profile after they did not hear the information they want or did not get the support they where seeking. You know the....poor, poor you kind of thing.

      Check out Gooddadbadluck and you will see how this poster did not like the reality check given.

      This may not be the case...so I will ask you this.

      Has there been any contact between both? Phone calls, letters, e-mails, text.

      If so has your daughter responded or want a relationship with her dad.

      Keep in mind, he did sign over his parental rights....

      As Serene has indicated, further information on your situation will help.

      Looking forward to your response....

      Comment


      • #4
        The final order:
        I shall have custody
        I can change primary address without consent
        I make decisions on health, school, etc.
        I may apply for a passport without consent
        I am at liberty to travel anywhere without consent
        Father consents to any adoption proceedings
        Access is at my discretion
        No order for child support


        The court order was issued 6 months after my daughter was born. Father only met her once when she was born. It was a brief relationship because of violent verbal abuse. I found out I was pregnant after ending the relationship.

        Father claims his lawyer told him to agree with the court order. I had no issue with this because I will not be a victim. I am better than that. I had concerns for my daughters safety as well.

        The OCL has just been assigned and I meet with them tomorrow. My daughter has been diagnosed with adhd, a mild intellectual disorder and mood disregulation. Her father is fighting for liberal access. There was a brief relationship between my daughter and her father from December 2011 and June 2012. My daughter made allegations against her father and I decided he could still see her but an adult had to be present. He refused. During the brief relationship he did support my daughter, not regularly, but he did support her. When he decided not to see her any longer, he also refused to support her. I was left with no option, because of rising medication charges and my daughter entering her teenage years, and I was already working 6 days a week, and struggling, but to take him to court for child support. My explanation to him fell on deaf ears. He denied her disabilities and refused numerous times to help unless he continued to have overnight visits. When I requested cs he piggybacked my motion and requested access. I did not apply for cs for 5 months after offering him adult accompanied visits, which, as I said earlier, he refused.

        There is so much to this story. Please ask the questions because I know there will be a lot.

        Comment


        • #5
          Sorry to disappoint but I am not goodluckbadluck, or whatever the name is. I am not here looking for sympathy. Far from it. I am trying to understand why someone thinks the way they do. If you don't care to answer, that's fine. Please don't sling unfounded accusations my way. Now, to move on and answer your questions.

          My daughter had no contact for 12 years. He met her once just after she was born. A
          relationship, which was encouraged by me, started in December 2012 and ended in June 2013. My daughter wants nothing to do with him because of his in appropriate behaviour towards her. I still encouraged some form of access but he refused and is now piggybacking my motion with an access motion.

          Comment


          • #6
            The OCL will do a custody and access assessment then.

            I will point out a few flawed statements as they are important:

            You stated that he signed off parental rights in your original post. And you thought that was binding.

            But YOU gave/permitted/allowed access for 1.5 years. It is only logical that YOU thought it was in the best interests of your daughter at that time. It may very well be that the OCL or a judge will also determine it is in your daughter's best interests moving forward.

            If you had concerns of your daughter's safety - Who did you advise of these concerns? A doctor? CAS? A school authority? You mention "safety" but then say it you further consented to visitation as long as another adult was present - What adult? Why that adult?

            What were the allegations your daughter made and what did you do with these allegations?

            Your daughter may have issues but does she qualify as "disabled"? Even if she was, that doesn't dictate that she can't see her father. And perhaps dad denied the disabilities because he was out of the picture so long he does not understand them? Have you shared the medical information pertaining to such "disabilities" with him?

            I am challenging you because labeling an ADHD child as disabled is far stretched in my opinion. I realize you say she has other special needs but I would think that with the information you provided she has "special needs" but is not "disabled".

            I am challenging you on these issues because it will either bring us closer to accurate information in order to assist you, or it will give you pause for thought that you can re-orient your position so that it is accurate and factual for us to assist you.

            Comment


            • #7
              Originally posted by pitario View Post
              The final order:
              I shall have custody
              I can change primary address without consent
              I make decisions on health, school, etc.
              I may apply for a passport without consent
              I am at liberty to travel anywhere without consent
              Father consents to any adoption proceedings
              Access is at my discretion
              No order for child support


              The court order was issued 6 months after my daughter was born. Father only met her once when she was born. It was a brief relationship because of violent verbal abuse. I found out I was pregnant after ending the relationship.

              Father claims his lawyer told him to agree with the court order. I had no issue with this because I will not be a victim. I am better than that. I had concerns for my daughters safety as well.

              The OCL has just been assigned and I meet with them tomorrow. My daughter has been diagnosed with adhd, a mild intellectual disorder and mood disregulation. Her father is fighting for liberal access. There was a brief relationship between my daughter and her father from December 2011 and June 2012. My daughter made allegations against her father and I decided he could still see her but an adult had to be present. He refused. During the brief relationship he did support my daughter, not regularly, but he did support her. When he decided not to see her any longer, he also refused to support her. I was left with no option, because of rising medication charges and my daughter entering her teenage years, and I was already working 6 days a week, and struggling, but to take him to court for child support. My explanation to him fell on deaf ears. He denied her disabilities and refused numerous times to help unless he continued to have overnight visits. When I requested cs he piggybacked my motion and requested access. I did not apply for cs for 5 months after offering him adult accompanied visits, which, as I said earlier, he refused.

              There is so much to this story. Please ask the questions because I know there will be a lot.
              So you want your cake and eat it too.

              You have managed to support your daughter without his help up until now, and now you want to change the original agreement on support. But you are flabbergasted he might want to do the same thing on access.

              Access should not be dependant on $$. Both of you should take that off the table. Access should be whatever is appropriate for the situation.

              Your argument for CS might make sense if there was a material change in circumstances, like you losing a major part of your income. Your daughter's disability might qualify, if you can demonstrate in court how this financially impacts your ability to care for your child (and you are using any and all other means to take care of her needs).

              Just because he was verbally abusive with you, it doesn't mean he would be the same way with his child. If your child objects to the visits, then you are in a difficult position. The courts believe that it is in the best interests of the child to have access to both parents. Your child is close to the age, where a judge will take her opinions into account should it go that far.

              My GF suffered physical abuse from her ex, and she has full custody, but she gives him fairly free access to the kids. That would change if the kids were abused, but that hasn't happened.

              Comment


              • #8
                A relationship, which was encouraged by me, started in December 2012 and ended in June 2013. My daughter wants nothing to do with him because of his in appropriate behaviour towards her. I still encouraged some form of access but he refused and is now piggybacking my motion with an access motion.
                So after 12 years you decided that YOU wanted dad in your daughter's life. This will come out in the assessment. I hope you are prepared to deal with this question.

                I shall have custody
                I can change primary address without consent
                I make decisions on health, school, etc.
                I may apply for a passport without consent
                I am at liberty to travel anywhere without consent
                Father consents to any adoption proceedings
                Access is at my discretion
                No order for child support
                Doesn't sound like he did sign off all parental rights other than the consent for adoption that never took place. However, there was a provision for access and access can be reviewed at any time. Moreover, if you want to hold the Order as final and true - I will remind you of your last sentence - No Order for Child Support.

                Comment


                • #9
                  A bit of food for thought:

                  1. child support is the right of the child. While in certain instances it can be eliminated via court order or agreement, the entitlement may be revisited in the future.

                  2. It is in the child's best interests to have a relationship with both their parents. It is each parents obligation to facilitate such relationship. You may say you've attempted to facilitate, but it is also likely you've played gatekeeper with statements like "Access at my discretion", "I decided he could still see her but an adult had to be present" and the repeated use of "my daughter".

                  I understand the financial hardship and that you felt it is in the child's best interests to be financially supported by both of their parents. But you must also realize you opened the door for the order to be updated to provide that he may get parenting time. If he plays his cards right and asks for reunification therapy and gradual increases in parenting time, he is likely to succeed.

                  Given the age of the child their wishes could possibly be taken into consideration by the court. It will depend on the child's reasoning and level of maturity as to how much weight their choices are given. But the child should be encouraged to have a relationship with both parents. Your ex's motion for parenting time, while may partially be response to your motion for c/s, may be a good sign that they are going to actually take positive steps to form a relationship with the child with structured parenting time, instead of being subject to your discretion.

                  You will likely succeed in getting c/s. He will likely succeed in getting structured parenting time. To me, that sounds like a win/win for the kid.

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    I never said I wanted my cake and eat it too. I am not flabbergasted that he wants access. I have offered it, he refused what I offered. I offered him visits whenever he wanted, as long as an adult was present. That wasn't good enough so he refused. The access has nothing to do with money. My daughter went camping with his family in August, because other adults were present, she spent Thanksgiving with them. He was seeing her and wasn't paying. The rant about no money, no access can stop now.

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      What concerns me is when individuals are faced with an issue -say verbal abuse to the child - they never look to overcome the issue. The solution posed is always: Don't see that parent any more.

                      The very best situation is IF the father has issues (I still don't understand what allegations your daughter had but it does not sound as though they were substantiated, investigated or even pursued - and of course they weren't that bad that you did nothing more than request another adult be present ) then ask dad to seek some help to overcome the issues so that the girl can have a father.

                      Jeeeezuz - Having a dad is a good thing!

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Going back to your original questions (marked with a question mark):

                        I have a court order in which all rights to my daughter have been signed off, by her father, and no support has been paid, is that not considered signing off parental rights?
                        This statement was not accurate. He did not sign off all rights. There was a provision for access. So the answer to your question is likely NO.

                        How can he come back after 13 years requesting access after only meeting his daughter once?
                        This statement was not accurate. You have since said that he saw the child many times over a period of 1.5 years in addition to the time she was a baby.

                        ...I'm thinking you aren't being forthcoming and honest....

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Serene. I did not say I decided to allow access, I said I encouraged it. She contacted him in December 2012.

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Originally posted by pitario View Post
                            I have offered it, he refused what I offered. I offered him visits whenever he wanted, as long as an adult was present. That wasn't good enough so he refused.
                            Are you shocked that he may resist your attempts to put conditions on his parenting time that are otherwise non-existent in your order/agreement?

                            According to what you've said, he has parenting time at your discretion. Nothing you've provided allowed you put conditions on such parenting time. "Discretion" entitles you to simply say "yes" or "no" to the parenting time requests. Further, one should not be unreasonable when saying "no" to a request for parenting time (ie. had other plans on such date or you weren't provided reasonable notice, like 48 hours).

                            Your ex will argue that he attempted to exercise parenting time and that your frustrated those attempts, thus his ability to have a relationship with your daughter. You will have to provide evidence that your actions/conditions were reasonable and that there was no malice or attempts to control the child's ability to have a relationship with their dad.

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Serene. I did not say I decided to allow access, I said I encouraged it. She contacted him in December 2012.
                              Given you are the only parent with custody of that child - of course you did allow it. You also encouraged it. You are making a distinction without a difference. There is no other legal guardian of that child but you.

                              I am merely pointing out all the inconsistencies in your posts. I have pointed out that your two original questions are not accurate as you have provided conflicting statements further on in the thread. And with that said, I don't think I have anything else to offer of value.

                              Comment

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