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    Hello everybody. I have finally decided to go to court.

    I have been never married and have never live together with other party, but we have 2 children together. I filled my application yesterday and was not asking moon from sky. Only what should be simple Joint custody with 50/50 residence.

    I am sure that would not be problem. I am currently trying to work schedule which would work for now.

    We have 18 month toddler and 1 month newborn. So with 18 month is straight forward . I think 2,2,3,3 would work for him best . I am confused with newborn. Baby is on formula and I know babies should have frequent short contacts at first.

    So here is my questions: How often and how long? What is reasonable here? Should newborn be taken in different days while newborn?

    Please advice

  • #2
    Has the father been around since the baby was born? If yes then why would he need short contacts?

    Maybe you should also ask him how he feels about how much time he wants with the newborn. Some guys cant handle babies and are more comfortable with toddlers. If that is the case make sure that you are working up to 50\50.

    Comment


    • #3
      My opinion:

      Always start on even ground. Meaning both you and dad are equal parents and the children are entitled to spend equal time with both parents. Your little is fortunate as if you make a concerted effort NOW that little baby will be able to spend equal time with both his/her parents and his relationship can be bonded with his father now. These precious first few years are important for baby and their parents, please do not delay or hamper this bonding time.

      There is something missing from your post though. Why do yo need to go to court? What is the underlying issue that requires court involvement?

      Your choice to formula feed allows for dad to take baby on extended visits. Please don't look for reasons to have short visits. Being a parent is a learning process but if he is a reasonable person he will figure things out with the help of his family and friends.

      Comment


      • #4
        I think the problem is that Moonlight is a guy, and the mother of his children will not agree to this schedule. I suppose that is why he needs to go to court.

        Comment


        • #5
          Ah yes, not sure how I overlooked that.

          If the baby is on formula there is no reason that he can't take baby. But I assume that mom is holding out.... If she won't give you the baby for access maybe he could go with his family members to be with baby and bond with the little one until things get sorted out.

          Comment


          • #6
            Originally posted by Toutou View Post
            I think the problem is that Moonlight is a guy, and the mother of his children will not agree to this schedule. I suppose that is why he needs to go to court.

            That is true.

            Comment


            • #7
              Originally posted by standing on the sidelines View Post
              Has the father been around since the baby was born? If yes then why would he need short contacts?

              Maybe you should also ask him how he feels about how much time he wants with the newborn. Some guys cant handle babies and are more comfortable with toddlers. If that is the case make sure that you are working up to 50\50.

              I am a Father. Mother is withholding along time with baby. I want to have some private time with baby,not supervised. So back to original post. I want to be reasonable , and start slowly...

              THANKS

              Comment


              • #8
                2-2-3 would be best. As long as you are ready, willing and capable, there is ZERO reason for a different schedule for the 1 month old vs. the 18 month old. It's WORSE to split up siblings, not better.

                Reality is that the children will adjust, much more quickly than the parents. Because they are so young, 2-2-3 is reasonable. When they get older and start school/etc you may want to look at moving to week about at some point.

                If the mother is withholding access...there is not a lot you can do, short of keeping the kid (NOT a good idea...frowned upon). Legally, unless one of you is a documented danger to the children, you and she are joint legal custody w/ 50-50 access right out of the gate. THAT's the law. The trick it to get it implemented.

                I would recommend the following:

                1. Send her a politely worded email that you do not agree with her unilateral decision to withhold access to the newborn, that you believe it is in the children's best interests to have maximum contact with both parents.

                2. Request the 2-2-3 schedule, and that it be implemented immediately. (the point is to get her refusal in writing).

                3. Make sure you get a lawyer, and have a motion in the works once you receive her refusal.

                4. In the meantime, take every scrap of time she offers, and request more at every opportunity. DOCUMENT everything, and DO NOT be alone with her. If it's HER and YOU, then until you have an order, you either have 1. a witness or 2. a voice recorder running.

                Are you currently paying CS? If not, start asap. (via documented method, ie. email money transfer) (Pay OFFSET amount and bank the difference between FULL TABLE and OFFSET...if you don't know what that means, then search for it or ask and we can clarify).

                Comment


                • #9
                  These are great suggestions and I hope it works out for you. But I am a bit confused over the nature of the relationship between you and your children's other parent. Are you dating but not cohabitating? Were you dating but broke up after the second pregnancy? Why the sudden need for all this custody stuff? If you never lived together, what were/are the access arrangements for the first child? That sets a precedent. Did you have any access system planned before the birth of either of them? What got court involved and why weren't you able to work it out yourselves?

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Originally posted by NBDad View Post
                    2-2-3 would be best. As long as you are ready, willing and capable, there is ZERO reason for a different schedule for the 1 month old vs. the 18 month old. It's WORSE to split up siblings, not better.

                    Reality is that the children will adjust, much more quickly than the parents. Because they are so young, 2-2-3 is reasonable. When they get older and start school/etc you may want to look at moving to week about at some point.

                    If the mother is withholding access...there is not a lot you can do, short of keeping the kid (NOT a good idea...frowned upon). Legally, unless one of you is a documented danger to the children, you and she are joint legal custody w/ 50-50 access right out of the gate. THAT's the law. The trick it to get it implemented.

                    I would recommend the following:

                    1. Send her a politely worded email that you do not agree with her unilateral decision to withhold access to the newborn, that you believe it is in the children's best interests to have maximum contact with both parents.

                    2. Request the 2-2-3 schedule, and that it be implemented immediately. (the point is to get her refusal in writing).

                    3. Make sure you get a lawyer, and have a motion in the works once you receive her refusal.

                    4. In the meantime, take every scrap of time she offers, and request more at every opportunity. DOCUMENT everything, and DO NOT be alone with her. If it's HER and YOU, then until you have an order, you either have 1. a witness or 2. a voice recorder running.

                    Are you currently paying CS? If not, start asap. (via documented method, ie. email money transfer) (Pay OFFSET amount and bank the difference between FULL TABLE and OFFSET...if you don't know what that means, then search for it or ask and we can clarify).

                    Thanks .Very helpful. I pay child support and also buy all baby formula and food, dippers, clothing (have receipts). After Mother got served today, she got very emotional and assaulted person , who delivered papers to her. She agreed to 2,2,3 schedule, but wrote that she want more than that as she does not want to pay any child support. She mailed that she did register second child in secret and did not put Father on B/S. What a life.

                    I hope for best. She is afraid to loose her children, but I do not want that either. I tried to reason with her. She is depressed severely, and takes antidepressants ( very strong) etc. I am actually scared of her, she already have one restraining order against her.

                    sad

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Originally posted by Rioe View Post
                      These are great suggestions and I hope it works out for you. But I am a bit confused over the nature of the relationship between you and your children's other parent. Are you dating but not cohabitating? Were you dating but broke up after the second pregnancy? Why the sudden need for all this custody stuff? If you never lived together, what were/are the access arrangements for the first child? That sets a precedent. Did you have any access system planned before the birth of either of them? What got court involved and why weren't you able to work it out yourselves?

                      OK. We were dating , she got pregnant, we broke up, (noone new about pregnancy at that point). Than I moved from work, my house etc. Change everything. She accidentally found me and talks about pregnancy ( I want to make sure it is mine) Did paternity test. Mine. We started to date again. Things were ok . I proposed her, gave ring. Bum.... she got pregnant again. Mood swing etc ( thought pregnancy). Waited until birth of second child. Asked to move in with me, she said need more time ...Than she started withhold access and make treats to me. I love my kids. I am involved Father, since birth. She did not put me on children B/S...She does not want to give them my last name, and separates child from my family and me. Each time we argue, she treating not to give kids until I do what she wants. I do not wish that children are used as weapon. They do not deserve this.

                      She is mentally ill. Severe depression. I understand my case is clear to take kids from her. She understands this as well, but I do not want this. I want kids to have both parents in their lives.

                      Comment

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