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  • Parental Self-Alienation?

    Our recent discussions about parental alienation and duty to require children to spend time with both parents have me wondering about something...

    Can a parent be found to be self-alienating and be required or ordered to spend time with their child?

    There is a recent case that Tayken posted here where a woman had been found to be alienating her children from their father. She was later considered in contempt for not requiring one of her sons to attend a visit. (Now, this case is not quite that cut and dry, but that is the gist of it that got me thinking) There is question about requiring and forcing, but that's a whole other thread.

    I'm just pondering here...

    If a parent (NCP in the situation I am thinking of) conducts him/herself in a way that alienates themselves from their child to such a degree that the child does not wish to spend time with them, and the NCP doesnt really make the effort to repair the relationship or to see their child if it's not convenient, and

    If a parent, in this case the CP, is required to require their child to spend time as ordered with their other parent (NCP) and could be found in contempt if they fail to do so...

    Would the CP be able to claim the other parent self-alienated and ask the court to require that parent to spend time with their child as ordered, if spending time with both parents is best for the child?

    (No - I'm NOT thinking about doing this. I am just wondering what the requirements are of BOTH parents to maintain relationships with their child and if there's any case out there where this has happened)

  • #2
    No, a court would not, nor should they ever force a parent to parent.

    Comment


    • #3
      It's funny, isn't it? That we require parents to financially support their children but not to emotionally support their children?

      I guess anyone can get a job, but it takes a better person to parent.

      Comment


      • #4
        Originally posted by Qrious View Post
        Can a parent be found to be self-alienating and be required or ordered to spend time with their child?
        I've NEVER heard of this happening. As long as they are paying CS, the court will let them abandon their child.

        Comment


        • #5
          The financial part is the easiest, but who can force an unwilling parent to become emotionally involved with their child? This comes from the heart.

          Comment


          • #6
            I would feel very sorry for a child that was forced to spend time with a parent who didn't want the child. Because so much emphasis is on finances, I wouldn't be surprised if this happens frequently (parent pretending to want joint custody of the kids just for $$) then treating the child poorly.

            Comment


            • #7
              Originally posted by Qrious View Post
              It's funny, isn't it? That we require parents to financially support their children but not to emotionally support their children?

              I guess anyone can get a job, but it takes a better person to parent.
              Try raising a family without any money. Drivel.

              Comment


              • #8
                Originally posted by arabian View Post
                I would feel very sorry for a child that was forced to spend time with a parent who didn't want the child. Because so much emphasis is on finances, I wouldn't be surprised if this happens frequently (parent pretending to want joint custody of the kids just for $$) then treating the child poorly.
                I think you meant to say you "wouldn't be surprised if this happens frequently (parent pretending to want joint or sole custody of the kids just for $$) then treating the child poorly."

                Comment


                • #9
                  I wondered about this myself a while back Qrious.

                  My ex BIL has an erratic schedule and only works evenings. He didn't want to see his toddler aged children on his two days off (out of seven or sometimes 10) because he "needed time off for himself" and "needed time to get his hair cut and go to the bank and rest and stuff". He would only take them one day of the two. Ridiculous.

                  I brought up this very thing in an earlier post because I had found some interesting stuff on a lawyer's website.

                  My post.

                  Tayken posted here about case law saying the access is the right of the child. I think that the reverse of it could hold true if argued in court by saying the child has a right to see their parents. But as stated by others above, it wouldn't be in the best interest of the child to be forced onto a parent who doesn't want them. It sure is an interesting theoretical discussion though.

                  A parent has the right to refuse the child but a child doesn't have the right to refuse the parent.....
                  Last edited by SadAndTired; 06-02-2013, 08:31 AM.

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    To put it more correctly, only one parent of the two has the right to refuse the child. I can't stand it about parents who go through life believing that their exes should just automatically pick up the slack if they decide not to take their kids. Probably because I'm on the receiving end of that.

                    Anyways, the crucial factor is age. An adult has the right to choose not to have a relationship with someone. A child is not able to make that mature decision for themselves. However, once the child turns 18 and makes that decision, the parent should be absolved of financial responsibility. If a child moves out of their single intact home and stops talking to both parents, nobody makes those rejected parents continue to support them. But a child who chooses not to reside at one of their two homes and stop associating with one parent, we make the rejected parent continue to pay CS. It's just like with tuition, I suppose, where the government steps in to give the disadvantaged child of divorce a boost, except in this case it's not guaranteed to be to their benefit.

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Originally posted by arabian View Post
                      I would feel very sorry for a child that was forced to spend time with a parent who didn't want the child. Because so much emphasis is on finances, I wouldn't be surprised if this happens frequently (parent pretending to want joint custody of the kids just for $$) then treating the child poorly.
                      Or the opposite, a parenting restricting access to get more CS. Which I believe is much more prevalent.

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        I have sat in a court room before, where a father was so upset with the system and the way he was being treated, (him being in supervised access) that he never set it up and never set up the supervised access visits for over a year. The father believed that it was all a show from the courts and from mom. to put him in supervised access and rather then comply he refused the access center.
                        With the way CS and SS is setup at the moment I can see how some reasonable people can lose sight of the real issue (the children).

                        I think counselling should be mandatory for all people separating or divorcing.
                        Counselling on how to look at things from the child's perspective, and focusing on children's best interests.

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Originally posted by involveddad75 View Post
                          I have sat in a court room before, where a father was so upset with the system and the way he was being treated, (him being in supervised access) that he never set it up and never set up the supervised access visits for over a year. The father believed that it was all a show from the courts and from mom. to put him in supervised access and rather then comply he refused the access center.
                          How does that advice go? Love your kids more than you hate your ex. I guess we should add to love your kids more than you hate the system.

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Originally posted by blinkandimgone View Post
                            No, a court would not, nor should they ever force a parent to parent.
                            I know you're right, but then why does the court force a child to spend time with a parent who doesn't want to parent. Or more so, who only wants to "parent" inconsistently and infrequently and only when it's convenient for themselves?

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              is there any kind of "Law" or is it written anywhere that if a child since the age of 12 no longer wants any contact with biological parent for no apparent reason and when asked the mother why this child cannot or does not have any contact with biological father the only answer given is "the councillor and Doctor" felt in the best interest of the child he shouldn't have contact, and that the only thing between the 2 parents and child is strictly a "business deal" to collect the cs payments? (per mother)
                              We have had letters over the years from the mother and it states in them that the child does not wish to speak to his father or have any contact . He is now 18 and will be attending 5th year to pick up 2 courses.
                              We want him to do well but we don't know this young man now at all and feel since we have been alienated by him for over 6 years that we should be done with the "business deal" so sad we have been cheated for no reason

                              Comment

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