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  • Access to a vacated matrimonial home

    I left the matrimonial home in 2011. A short time thereafter my husband changed the locks. I have not gone past the front hall since the day I left. (Only at the door front two times when I brought or collected our kids.)

    He was given until September 2012 to buy me out - after our May 2012 Case Conference. Predictably he failed to do so. After dragging his feet for a couple of extra months, he agreed to list the house for sale.

    It is still on the market - unsold since just before Christmas. (Great time to list a property - not.)

    For some reason he unilaterally decided to vacate the house some time b/w January and March 2013.

    However, I still do not have access to the matrimonial home. (I went a couple times trying to clean up the garden.)

    The real estate agent recently told me that he could provide a key to me.

    Today he claims that he had one made but cannot give it to me b/c my husband will not permit him to do so.

    He also indicated that my husband's lawyer has claimed that I can have access upon request - but no key. (Please note that I would never agree to be alone with my husband in a private place. How am I to have "access" without my own key?)

    Has anyone been in a similar situation - i.e. denied access to the matrimonial home - even when it is no longer the residence for the other spouse?

    Bear in mind also that my husband intends to hold me equally responsible for all the costs associated with maintaining this house.

    The real estate agent's contract with us is going to expire soon. I do not want to extend it and I'm sure he has realized this. His office sent me some papers to sign very recently - relating to price. If I had done so passively, the contract with him would have been extended. I don't trust this agent... not much more than my husband's lawyer or my husband of course. (I don't like "stbx". I am looking forward to just EX.)
    Last edited by sjandme; 05-15-2013, 07:09 PM.

  • #2
    SJ, I just took the time to read some of your initial posts - I grew up in a household with a violent and alcoholic dad, kudo's to you for having the strength to make the move out.

    If the ex was still in the house, I'd be hesitant to offer you this assvice, but since he has vacated, thinks you are staying on the hook for all costs, and subject to no order being in place re: exclusive possession: take a copy of your deed/transfer to a locksmith (you are on title, correct?), have new locks put in, keep a key for yourself and offer a key to his agent.
    Start a discussion, not a fire. Post with kindness.

    Comment


    • #3
      Oooh, that's good. I don't know if that is really do-able. In any case, I wouldn't want to do that. But thanks for the idea... a nice scene played out in my mind when I read your post.

      Yes, I'm on the deed and I have a copy.

      Comment


      • #4
        Oh, it is doable. I've had to use locksmiths before to crack us into a house (under power of sale).
        I'm not sure what other options you think you may have, if the ex has told the agent not to release a key to you. Why are you looking for access?
        Start a discussion, not a fire. Post with kindness.

        Comment


        • #5
          Locksmith is easiest. Changing the locks will give you a key, but then he'll probably just do the same anyways.

          If you are given access upon request, then why not get the realtor to give you access so that both of you can do a walk through together. Husband doesn't have to be there for that, and realtor is not giving out keys.

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          • #6
            Originally posted by HappyDays View Post
            Locksmith is easiest. Changing the locks will give you a key, but then he'll probably just do the same anyways.

            If you are given access upon request, then why not get the realtor to give you access so that both of you can do a walk through together. Husband doesn't have to be there for that, and realtor is not giving out keys.
            Now, just think about that HD. They currently have an empty, vacated asset. According to the OP, it remains on the books for accounting. She is entitled to access. He still, presumably, has a key and, accordingly, access.

            He is, through the agent, denying her same. If she chooses to change the locks, and give all parties a key/access, that would make sense, no? Her move, is reasonable [actually, it would make the most sense for him to instruct the agent to give her a key, but people are asses.]

            If he thereafter again changes the locks to specifically deny her access, exactly what do you think a judge would perceive of that move on his part?
            Last edited by mcdreamy; 05-15-2013, 08:42 PM.
            Start a discussion, not a fire. Post with kindness.

            Comment


            • #7
              I agree. She should have a key and access to the house. He is in the wrong for trying to keep that from her.

              She can either get a locksmith or bring a motion with costs, which would hopefully scare him into handing it over. In the mean time, if she just wants to look around and make sure all is well, then request access for the realtor to open the door for her.

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              • #8
                I want to be in that house again and at peace. It's something to do with healing, an attempt to let go and move on.

                I also wanted to be there with my kids once again.... with no pressure, no worries about something bad about to happen.

                On a more practical level, I wouldn't mind checking the condition of the house... see it with my own eyes. The garden and lawn are obviously in poor shape. I think the interior is o.k. but I don't know it.

                There is a rusting minivan in the driveway which my husband refuses to sell or donate. I'd try to park it in the now empty garage. I am presuming that it's empty.

                That's about it, I guess.

                For the past several months, I've received emails from my husband about that house. He always says "my house"... He does it sometimes repeatedly in one email. It's not subconscious. He's always done that .... for 9 years and counting. (We used to live in a couple other places prior.)

                Well, it's not his house. It was our house. I'd like to feel that one more time. That it was my place too... and my kids' place with mom as part of that experience... as it happens, a huge part for them.

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                • #9
                  If you want to keep it, then why not offer to buy him out?

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Oh no that is well beyond the realm of possibility. I'll most likely never be a property owner again. I never had that delusion. My economic situation is very bad... not at the bottom of the barrel yet (i.e. welfare or whatever it's called these days) but getting alarmingly close. I'm trying to focus on a positive outcome... it's a bit tough and I know I'm not alone.

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Originally posted by sjandme View Post
                      I want to be in that house again and at peace. It's something to do with healing, an attempt to let go and move on.

                      I also wanted to be there with my kids once again.... with no pressure, no worries about something bad about to happen.

                      On a more practical level, I wouldn't mind checking the condition of the house... see it with my own eyes. The garden and lawn are obviously in poor shape. I think the interior is o.k. but I don't know it.

                      There is a rusting minivan in the driveway which my husband refuses to sell or donate. I'd try to park it in the now empty garage. I am presuming that it's empty.

                      That's about it, I guess.

                      For the past several months, I've received emails from my husband about that house. He always says "my house"... He does it sometimes repeatedly in one email. It's not subconscious. He's always done that .... for 9 years and counting. (We used to live in a couple other places prior.)

                      Well, it's not his house. It was our house. I'd like to feel that one more time. That it was my place too... and my kids' place with mom as part of that experience... as it happens, a huge part for them.
                      Sjandme, I know your feelings about you and your children wanting to stay in your house for one more time. I moved out of my house for a short time after separation, then returned for a year and a half now. I am making plans to move soon and sell the house, but in the meantime, this house has been a refuge for me and my family. We enjoyed it and still do..this house has a lot of memories. The children grew up in this house. It was my home for many decades.

                      The time has come to leave, and I leave with no regrets. Someone else will love this house, and I find joy in thinking about that.

                      Savour each and every moment in your house. Relive the happy times, and make new memories there. I agree with you when you say you need to be there for healing. I did a lot of healing in my house. I loved every moment there, even the painful ones.

                      Yes, keep trying to focus on the positive outcome. And enjoy each and every moment in your home.

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        I'm just wondering if there are any mortgages still on the house or if it is clear / free. If the house is not free/clear and mortgages are not being paid then the mortgage company may have taken possession of the house as a result of abandonment.

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                        • #13
                          limer

                          That is not an issue - no mortgage.

                          Sadly for me, my stbx (not soon enough it seems).... has found two ways to "claw" back more than 50% of the house's value (which remains to be seen of course... on the real market). First, he seized and hid huge sums of money via a line of credit tied to the house... before I could intervene with bank staff. Next, he claimed a very high family loan on his 13.1 which he will likely have trouble proving. But still... either he gets away with this stuff or he doesn't but we will both be paying lawyers thousands of dollars to pursue our "disagreement".

                          After our house is sold, the bank is front of the line. My lawyer is counting on these proceeds to pay his fees as well.

                          My kids and I will get little if anything in the end. I don't want to get offtrack here. Financially, everything is very bleak for us. We live in poverty for sure (Canadian style).

                          My stbx has no qualms about this... it was after all 'all his money'; it's 'his house'... and as he has mentioned repeatedly (most recently this past Saturday on the phone with our kids in the same room.... 'They are probably not even his kids anyway.' Kind of makes me wonder why I have to spend thousands of dollars to pursue full custody.

                          So easy to go off on a tangent... sorry!

                          Incidentally the bank that issued the loc knows the situation... meanwhile
                          they have profited nicely on the build up of interest over the past 2 years.
                          Last edited by sjandme; 05-16-2013, 12:53 PM.

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            You will want proof of the personal loans, and what he did with that money. As for him going into the LOC, you might want to make a claim for reckless depletion of assets. I think it's covered under Section 5.6 of the Family Law Act. You'll also want disclosure on what he did with those monies as well.

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                            • #15
                              He is not forthcoming with the disclosure already requested last May by the Master during our CC.

                              Thank you for the feedback - especially the specifics.

                              Comment

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