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  • CS payments not getting to child...

    Hi all,

    This has probably been asked before, but a quick search didn't pull anything up for me...

    I suspect that my CS payments really aren't getting to my child: He has stated more than once cheap frozen pizza is frequently the main course when it comes to dinner, and he never seems to have new clothes, unless I buy them for him, or he gets them for Xmas or Bday gifts, usually from my parents.

    What can a NCP do if they suspect that this is the case?..

    Is there not any accountability on the part of the CP to have some "paper trail" of what and where they are spending the money on with respect to the child(s)?

    Thanks

  • #2
    You are not going to like the answer.

    Originally posted by BluePat View Post

    What can a NCP do if they suspect that this is the case?..
    Practically nothing.

    Originally posted by BluePat View Post
    Is there not any accountability on the part of the CP to have some "paper trail" of what and where they are spending the money on with respect to the child(s)?
    Not as it stands right now in Family Law, no.

    If the situation is such that it jeopardizes the child's health or well-being (eg. being starved or severely malnutritioned because of not being fed or fed enough food, getting frostbite because they were outdoors dressed inappropriately as they do not own proper winter clothing, etc.), then you'll have to involve authorities like CAS to intervene. Not having new clothes or being fed certain types of food/a certain diet does not amount to such circumstances.

    Otherwise, there is nothing much you can do about it, i'm afraid.

    Comment


    • #3
      No there is no accountability. Your ex can set the money aside for a nice vacation for themselves if they want.

      Welcome to family law.

      Comment


      • #4
        Originally posted by BluePat View Post
        I suspect that my CS payments really aren't getting to my child: He has stated more than once cheap frozen pizza is frequently the main course when it comes to dinner, and he never seems to have new clothes, unless I buy them for him, or he gets them for Xmas or Bday gifts, usually from my parents.

        What can a NCP do if they suspect that this is the case?..

        Is there not any accountability on the part of the CP to have some "paper trail" of what and where they are spending the money on with respect to the child(s)?
        No, there's no bookkeeping or accountability on the part of the CS receiver.

        But keep in mind that you probably don't see the full picture. Does the child say that mom is having steak while he's having the frozen pizza? Or is frozen pizza all that can be afforded for both of them? Your CS is also paying for the roof over the child's head, the heat, the water, etc. Maybe there simply isn't much left after that for groceries and clothes.

        Just because you can't see the direct benefit of your CS payment doesn't mean there isn't indirect benefit. But if your ex is wearing new clothes and eating a better dinner than the child and going on trips during your custody time, I can see why you'd be frustrated.

        Comment


        • #5
          The entire point of CS is to increase the standard of living of the recipient. If the child does better as a result, then that is a happy coincidence. The theory of course is that if the recipient is doing well, then the child will also benefit.

          Originally posted by BluePat View Post
          I suspect that my CS payments really aren't getting to my child: He has stated more than once cheap frozen pizza is frequently the main course when it comes to dinner, and he never seems to have new clothes, unless I buy them for him, or he gets them for Xmas or Bday gifts, usually from my parents.
          Is he being fed?
          Is he being clothed?

          Frozen pizza is just as good as filet mignon. Value village is just as good as FCUK or whatever the cool kids wear these days.

          If your son is being fed and clothed, regardless of quality, then there is nothing you can do. If you son is not being fed, tell your son to voice his concerns to his guidance counselor at school. They are legally obligated to call CAS and it sounds better coming from them.

          What can a NCP do if they suspect that this is the case?..
          There is no problem. Your ex has custody, and she is doing what she feels is best for the child. As the custodial parent, her decision to feed frozen pizza is correct. Her decisions are automatically in the best interests of your son until she loses custody.

          Is there not any accountability on the part of the CP to have some "paper trail" of what and where they are spending the money on with respect to the child(s)?
          Your ex could use the money to set up a pornography production studio, and that would be fine. As the custodial parent, she automatically acts in the best interests of the child, and nobody outside of CAS can say otherwise.

          ...and CAS won't consider frozen pizza to be so terrible.

          Comment


          • #6
            A child support recipient does not have to account, nor should he/she, IMHO.

            I appreciate your concern. I am a recipient and I can assure you that what I receive in child support could not even cover the grocery bill. Yes, I also receive the child tax benefit but those two 'non-taxable' income sources do not come near to providing what our children cost.

            I get 90% of mine and my children's clothing from second hand stores. If I was with my ex he would perceive this as being 'thrifty'; now, since he is 'paying' his perception has shifted to 'you must spend all the money on yourself'. Perception can be a funny thing.

            As for frozen pizzas: they are a treat in my home and are a memorable experience to a child who likely desires them. Can your childs perception of what he is actually being fed be clouding the truth?

            As another poster stated, the only real avenue you have is to make a report to child welfare agencies if you 'think' there is some form of neglect happening.

            I, as a child support 'recipient' (I USE the money to pay for expenses incurred in rearing children, not on myself as some sort of fantastical 'lottery') I would be downright insulted to have to ACCOUNT for my household expenses. Would you like your expenses to be held to account by a greedy ex because he/she thinks you can pay MORE? I am sure that would raise a few hackles.

            Comment


            • #7
              Originally posted by Janus View Post
              The entire point of CS is to increase the standard of living of the recipient. If the child does better as a result, then that is a happy coincidence. The theory of course is that if the recipient is doing well, then the child will also benefit.

              There is no problem. Your ex has custody, and she is doing what she feels is best for the child. As the custodial parent, her decision to feed frozen pizza is correct. Her decisions are automatically in the best interests of your son until she loses custody.

              Your ex could use the money to set up a pornography production studio, and that would be fine. As the custodial parent, she automatically acts in the best interests of the child, and nobody outside of CAS can say otherwise.
              Wow, you're harsh. While we all understand you must be a bitter man, your pessimistic attitude isn't particularly helpful to people new to the forum who haven't seen what you are like in previous posts. If your negative advice convinces someone to roll over and take it when they could have fought and won, how is the family law approach you hate so strongly ever going to change?

              Though sadly, in this particular case, there isn't much to be fought for.

              Comment


              • #8
                My advice was to get the kid to complain to people who have a duty to report to CAS. Do you disagree with that advice?

                I was pointing out that family law couldn't care less about how the money is spent. I'm not sure what was so negative about that.

                Comment


                • #9
                  [QUOTE=Janus;128108]The entire point of CS is to increase the standard of living of the recipient. If the child does better as a result, then that is a happy coincidence. The theory of course is that if the recipient is doing well, then the child will also benefit.


                  If that is the point of CS then I am not getting the benefit. I would be better off financially if I wasn't the primary custodial parent and had to pay child support.

                  I have read your situation Janus and it sucks, but everyones cirsumstances are different: don't lump all recipients as having an increased standard of living as many don't.

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    changed my mind

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      I'm not sure that it would do any good...sometimes you just have to chalk this stuff up to..."I married and bore children with a self-absorbed dbag"...but I don't think it could hurt to send off a very politely worded email voicing your/your child's concerns.

                      Of course, she can and mostly likely will completely ignore it but it might guilt her out into trying a bit harder...at least on the nutrition front.

                      As the other posters stated, there's not a lot you can do about it unfortunately.

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Originally posted by oink View Post
                        I have nothing to hide, so yes I couldn't give two hoots if I had to account for my spendings.....transparency and all that

                        Here is another extreme thought...how about people just have the number of kids they can afford, and perhaps think of the what if? Having numerous in order to avoid working is degrading to yourself and the gender

                        You can hardly call yourself a primary caregiver when kids are at school 8am to 3pm 5 days a week
                        I am confused. You quoted me so I am assuming this is directed at myself (although I could be wrong). What makes you assume that I had numerous children in order to avoid working? That is far from the truth and comments like that is what continue to spurn the feminist movement.

                        And as much as I love my children's teachers I don't think they would consider themselves the primary caregivers to the children they teach.

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          [QUOTE=mom2three;128118]
                          Originally posted by Janus View Post
                          If that is the point of CS then I am not getting the benefit. I would be better off financially if I wasn't the primary custodial parent and had to pay child support.
                          I'm not sure how that is mathematically possible at any income level.

                          If I had full custody, I could have catered meals on a daily basis, and I would still have more money than I do now.

                          I could probably throw in a pair of house cleaners and a nanny to watch the kids on the weekend as well.


                          I have read your situation Janus and it sucks
                          Well, in my case CS strictly helps the recipient at the expense of the children, so you can understand why I might hold the views that I do

                          Actually, it doesn't even really help the recipient, it just hurts the children. Recipient doesn't need my money at all. But family law is always fair and awesome, so I'm clearly wrong

                          but everyones cirsumstances are different: don't lump all recipients as having an increased standard of living as many don't.
                          I think your point of comparison might be wrong.

                          If you think that you would be better off (financially) paying table support and seeing the kids 30% of the time, then you simply have not run the numbers. It is not possible unless your income is above $150,000.

                          Kids cost substantially less than table support.

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Originally posted by Janus View Post
                            Frozen pizza is just as good as filet mignon..
                            You are joking, correct?..

                            Originally posted by Janus View Post
                            Your ex could use the money to set up a pornography production studio, and that would be fine. As the custodial parent, she automatically acts in the best interests of the child, and nobody outside of CAS can say otherwise..
                            Again, you are joking, correct?..

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Originally posted by BluePat View Post
                              You are joking, correct?..



                              Again, you are joking, correct?..
                              Unfortunately no... You have no say on how cs is spent... The kid is eating, even if it is just frozen pizza, there is no laws about what a child must eat... My step kids most nights have peanut butter sandwiches but they are eating and not a thing we can do about it.

                              Comment

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