Halloween

[FightingForFamily]

Well, someone had to post a fighting over Halloween thread

Halloween isn't covered in our separation agreement (a bit odd).

When we were married I took our son out every year, even when he was so little he was being pushed in the stroller.

After we separated in Aug 2010, I had a brief visit for an hour on Halloween in 2010. In 2011, I asked her if she was taking him out and she said she was. I emailed, "OK, I'll take him next year then." Turns out she didn't take him out after all.

This year Halloween falls on my access night (Wednesday evenings). Additionally, she had him last year for Halloween. Additionally I already e-mailed her that I would be taking him out this year.

And yet I get an e-mail unilaterally terminating my access for that night, saying she has plans for him.

I plan to talk to my son (he is 5 years old) and see what he wants to do for Halloween. I believe that we should alternate Halloweens, or that Halloween should follow the "normal" schedule. In both cases, I should have him this year. I do not accept that she terminated my access. My son would have a great time trick or treating with me and my new partner's children.

Suggestions?

[blinkandimgone]

Asking the child to choose is wrong. Wrong, wrong, wrong. Period. Especially at that young of an age.

You say you don't accept that she terminated your access, don't accept it. Write her an email to remind her that it is your scheduled time and you WILL be excercising your access for that day.

Regardless of what happened last year, whether she took him or not is irrelevant - she is free to do or not do what she wants on her scheduled time with him. The child would have a great time going out with either his mother or you, so skip the 'my girlfriend and her kids' part and focus on the actual issue: a unilateral decision to cancel your access for that night.

[HammerDad]

Halloween in my agreement is alternated each year, with the parent who has our daughter being responsible for her costume. We do have a slight disagreement as my kept our daughter overnight for halloween on my weekend, but when I had our daughter for halloween on her weekend, she didn't feel obligated to allow me the same opportunity for an overnight.....but sigh....

I would reply to the ex with something like:

Dear Ex,

I do not agree with your unilateral decision to alter the parenting agreement and deny me my parenting time October 31. According to the agreement, I am entitled to Wednesday each week. In review of the agreement, there is no such provision relating to Halloween or entitling either parent to alter the parenting schedule in relation to Halloween. As such, it is my intention to exercise my parenting time on Wednesday October 31 in accordance with the agreement. Should the child not be made available for exchange, I will deem it a denial of my parenting time and seek the appropriate remedy.

Should you wish to discuss an arrangement relating to halloween for up coming years, I would be happy to discuss this with you and make arrangements for which parent shall have the child for future halloweens (ie. I shall have the child for halloween in even numbered years and you shall have the child for halloween in odd numbered years. Halloween shall be defined as being 5pm Halloween day until 9pm Halloween day. The parent who has the child shall be responsible for the childs costume at their expense).

Should you have any other concerns, please feel free to contact me.

Regards,

Dad

[dinkyface]

Do NOT ask your son what he wants to do. This will cause him distress at having to choose between parents, confusion and hurt if it turns out that parents cannot honour what he said he wanted.

You cannot force it, but send an email indicating that you intend to exercise your normal access, and that she will get Halloween next year.

Tell your ex what time you plan to go out, and invite them to come along with you, and that your kid is excited that you will be dressing up as a 'stage magican'. Perhaps she has some idea on a costume that would be complementary?

[FightingForFamily]

Good points. I'll avoid discussing it with my son. And I agree either way he will have a nice evening. I had a dream that my ex and son joined us and we all went out together. Not likely to ever happen.

The "legal remedy" if she denies my access and won't discuss alternating Halloweens would be to file a motion to change on our agreement and get a Halloween clause added, with costs?