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  • Poor Us

    I'm just wondering when you people are going to wake up about seperation's or divorce. If one or the other does not bankrupt each other then I guarenty you the system or the lawyers will. Its not enough that we are demoralized by what happening to us and vunerable, that lawyers and the system comes and sucks us dry of our hard earn money. Our futur destroyed, dreams of retirement destroyed, college funds for kids gone. couples end up broke and the systeme and lawyers laughing all the way to the bank. Wow do we need to wakeup. Countless post of how lawyers and the system draining finances from people and mostly in the end, ending up with nothing more. What a joke must be something we can do to stop this. Suggestions welcomed.

  • #2
    So you're suggesting people should stop getting divorced?

    Not really sure what the purpose or intention of your post is....?

    Comment


    • #3
      I agree totally. Unfortunately people lose their minds when money and/or emotions are involved. The laws are too difficult for the layman to interpret, and the procedures seem too complicated.

      Put aside the financial and emotional strains on a divorce. The time spent on it is ridiculous.

      Comment


      • #4
        Oh, I think we are all awake. It's not our fault that the reality of Family Law is a nightmare, or that vindictive exes are still dreaming.

        Comment


        • #5
          Originally posted by mr.mom View Post
          I agree totally. Unfortunately people lose their minds when money and/or emotions are involved. The laws are too difficult for the layman to interpret, and the procedures seem too complicated.

          Put aside the financial and emotional strains on a divorce. The time spent on it is ridiculous.
          It's as difficult as people make it difficult. For too mature individuals (who still respect each other and able to put children's interest first) divorse is not difficult.

          Spending 100s of thousands on court instead of put it towards kids education is just beyond my ability to comprehend ...

          WD

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          • #6
            I totally agree with original poster's comments. However, it's pretty obvious the system is DESIGNED to basically bankrupt people to the benefit of the laywers and never ending "fees" charged by the courts. Divorce is a multi billion dollar "industry" with lawyers, judges, courts, government employees, psychologists, mediators, the list goes on making huge money from it.

            Keep in mind that politician's set the "rules". Guess what most politicians are trained as ? You got it - LAWYERS !!!! Do you really think they would be stupid enough to cut down the money tree for them and their colleagues.

            The Family Law guidelines are ridiculously unfair - they basically appeal to the "greed" of the recipient and terrify the payor. Voila ! Built in animosity - blend with our adversarial system, and the money starts flowing for the divorce industry !!

            Honestly, I firmly believe if there was some magic solution to make Divorce fair, reasonable and inexpensive that the govt (and the divorce industry) would fight it tooth and nail. At the risk of being labelled a conspiracy nut, I think that's why the govt doesn't MANDATE couples to take a Family Law course BEFORE marriage. You note they mandate it just prior to divorce - why not before marriage. Likely since anyone who has a half a brain and is likely to make more than min wage would run screaming away from the altar. Ooops, no marriage, then the industry loses out on the divorce gravy train.

            As is everything else in life, it's all about the MONEY !!!!!!!!!!

            You have to admit though, althoughFamily Law is corrupt and evil, its brilliantly designed to extract money from victims to the "system". Too bad you couldn't buy stock in it lol; I could retire today !!!

            Comment


            • #7
              Originally posted by WorkingDAD View Post
              It's as difficult as people make it difficult. For too mature individuals (who still respect each other and able to put children's interest first) divorse is not difficult.

              Spending 100s of thousands on court instead of put it towards kids education is just beyond my ability to comprehend ...

              WD
              You are quite correct, WD.

              Our divorce cost us out-of-pocket $350 for ILA, together with the filing fees at the court house to file the paperwork.
              Start a discussion, not a fire. Post with kindness.

              Comment


              • #8
                I paid $3500 total for a custody agreement and an amendment.

                I was able to mediate most my issues with my ex.

                To me, having seen both sides of the issue (well, not that I do family law, but lawyers at my firm do), I blame the people more than the industry.

                If those who were divorcing had half a head on their shoulders they would:

                1. understand there are 2 parents, and understand that it is in the children's best interests to have a meaningful relationship with each parent (when there are kids).

                2. they'd be honest. They'd be honest with their ex, with their lawyer and with themselves. It isn't hard to provide financial disclosure to your ex. It isn't hard to NOT make false accusations. It also isn't hard to know what you want to achieve (outside of simply divorcing) and then having a range of compromises you are willing to do to get that ultimate goal.

                3. control their lawyer. The lawyer is your representative. If they are going in a direction you don't agree with. Tell them. If you can't work it out, you fire them and move along.

                4. Control your emotions. The courts, the lawyers, the worlds....pretty much anyone who isn't you, doesn't care how you feel. Guilt, anger, revenge, sadness etc have no place in court. There is no remedy that will get you vengence outside of moving on with your life.

                If people could pull their heads out of their ass, get over the woe is me or emotional high they are on in relation to their ex, there'd be a lot less money for the lawyers.

                Comment


                • #9
                  should a systeme in place that does not requier intervention of blood sucking lawyers. Het Provincial taxes are paying for these systems should be enough. People will never divorcing that not what I'm saying. You be able to walk in to courts and have the judge decide if the parties cant decide for themselfs

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Also total strangers that dont know us from a hole in the ground making decision for us and grabbing our money at the same time. Wake up people.

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Originally posted by roger View Post
                      snip.... making decision for us...snip...
                      If you are suggesting that your lawyer, who apparently doesn't know your wants/needs, is making a decision for you, you're doing it wrong.

                      Your lawyer takes actions based on your instructions, no matter how good/bad your instructions may be.

                      And a judge, well they are only able to make decisions based on the issues at hand and evidence provided.

                      As for intervention of lawyers, I didn't need that all that much either. My ex and I mediated everything out and then her lawyer drafted an agreement. I had my lawyer review it. For each of our amending agreements, we have been able to mediate out the issues and I drafted the agreement, and she may (or may not) have her lawyer review it.

                      Lawyers make the big bucks where where one party is being unreasonable. They make even more then both parties have their heads stuck up their ass.

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Originally posted by WorkingDAD View Post
                        It's as difficult as people make it difficult. For too mature individuals (who still respect each other and able to put children's interest first) divorse is not difficult.

                        Spending 100s of thousands on court instead of put it towards kids education is just beyond my ability to comprehend ...

                        WD
                        I agree that for two mature individuals, divorce is not difficult. But it only takes one to turn it on its head.

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Originally posted by HammerDad View Post
                          I paid $3500 total for a custody agreement and an amendment.

                          I was able to mediate most my issues with my ex.

                          To me, having seen both sides of the issue (well, not that I do family law, but lawyers at my firm do), I blame the people more than the industry.

                          If those who were divorcing had half a head on their shoulders they would:

                          1. understand there are 2 parents, and understand that it is in the children's best interests to have a meaningful relationship with each parent (when there are kids).

                          2. they'd be honest. They'd be honest with their ex, with their lawyer and with themselves. It isn't hard to provide financial disclosure to your ex. It isn't hard to NOT make false accusations. It also isn't hard to know what you want to achieve (outside of simply divorcing) and then having a range of compromises you are willing to do to get that ultimate goal.

                          3. control their lawyer. The lawyer is your representative. If they are going in a direction you don't agree with. Tell them. If you can't work it out, you fire them and move along.

                          4. Control your emotions. The courts, the lawyers, the worlds....pretty much anyone who isn't you, doesn't care how you feel. Guilt, anger, revenge, sadness etc have no place in court. There is no remedy that will get you vengence outside of moving on with your life.

                          If people could pull their heads out of their ass, get over the woe is me or emotional high they are on in relation to their ex, there'd be a lot less money for the lawyers.

                          I think the key is TWO reasonable people....and unfortunately, its hard to predict the reasonableness of the other person involved. In my case, I've gone through close to $20G in sep agreements/custody disputes/OCL involvement, etc, etc, etc. But, I'm in a situation where the EX goes through all the motions, pays his legal bills (and his must be HUGE - he has another child with another woman) and spends years and years of his life on the "issues" - only to ignore any agreement he makes. Personally, I think how you "feel" in these circumstances is 100% relevant. While on the surface I may appear to not want to work things out as I refuse to participate in court crap lawyer crap any longer - the reality is WHY SHOULD I spend my hard earned money because HE is unwilling to do what he says. Sure, he walks the walk, talks the talk, but after the paperwork is processed....we're right back to unreasonable behaviour that doesn't have any reflection on the agreement he (and I) just spend thousands on securing.

                          How does it make me FEEL? It makes me feel like completely giving up! It's like the social service telephone tree.......the goal, pass along the call to the next person and the next person and the next person until, hopefully, the caller gives up.

                          I was told earlier in a post that "the courts don't know that he would just ignore any agreement" - but the courts do KNOW. That's why I was back at court - ignoring a simple separation agreement/refusing to update income and, therefore, saving himself thousands in child support. The courts know that he lied in the sep agreement, the courts know that he refuses to adhere to a previous parenting schedule ... they know.

                          Personally, I've had it with the entire system. It hasn't been a positive experience at all.....all attempts to stabilize my daughter's life in the form of court agreements/orders result in complete chaos because THE PROBLEM isn't schedules, money, agreements or courts - the problem is HIM.

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Originally posted by ONTMOMMA View Post
                            How does it make me FEEL? It makes me feel like completely giving up!
                            And how does this help you and/or your case? Do you think anyone else cares that is how you feel? Do you think your ex cares?

                            Feelings are irrelevent in family law. What is relevent is the facts and what is reasonable.

                            Feelings are the biggest reason why family law lawyers are wealthy. Because people feel they can ignore court orders. People put their emotions before what is reasonable. People think the courts care that their ex cheated on them or that because of some perceived wrong doings, they should be entitled to more than what is reasonable.

                            If people could get past their emotions on the matter, the courts wouldn't be so busy.

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              I don't think I stated that it helped my case, but ignoring my "feelings" isn't helping the case, nor is it helping my daughter. We are all stuck in a position that is as reasonable as the person we are opposing. If they can't get to a "reasonable" state - and by this I mean a place where they're willing to actually commit to the agreement - commit to the obligations AND, most importantly - FOLLOW THROUGH on them - then we're stuck. Legal system has only gotten me to the same place I started at - because he's unwilling or incapable of keeping his end of the bargain. At what point will the system actually impose a consequence to the person who breaks their agreement? My guess would be NEVER. So, here I STILL AM - stuck - despite my willingness to compromise, follow through, etc.....I'm still STUCK because he's nothing more than an overgrown selfish teenager. I have FACTS out my WAZOO - and they haven't helped one iota. Facts can't progress unreasonable either.

                              Family Law is, or perhaps better put, should be about Family - and in Family feelings are paramount. It's great that people are able to shut off and attack the legal system as if they aren't emotionally involved, however, emotions are what got everyone to that spot in the first place!!

                              HammerDad - its great you guys could work it out at little cost - however, not everyone is blessed with "reasonable" on the opposing side. My guess would be the majority of those using this forum aren't blessed with reasonable on the other side - which would probably be on why they're here?

                              Comment

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