Announcement

Collapse
No announcement yet.

Can my Ex get sole custody?

Collapse
This topic is closed.
X
X
 
  • Filter
  • Time
  • Show
Clear All
new posts

  • Can my Ex get sole custody?

    We currently have shared custody (5 days on 5 days off), her and her lawyer claim I don't do my share of parenting. Complete nonsense as I keep detailed records for past year and not one month was less then 14 nights.

    Anyways my paranoia is getting the best of me and I am wondering what tactics are typical to get the children full time?

    I have heard of :

    1) saying that other parent is inapproriate with children. for example walking around nude or bathing or showering with children. (mine are 4 and 7).

    2) Unreasonable communication: one parent is so unreasonable that co parenting is impossible.

    3) not having children 40-60% of time.

    Any other things to look out for? I do not trust this woman.

    thanks

  • #2
    Sole custody concerns legal authority for making major decisions on care (health/education/religion). It does not directly relate to time split, although, typically the parent with sole custody has much more parenting time.

    - Do you have any history of being unable to come to agreement on decisions regarding health and education? (it doesn't have to be a pleasant process, just workable)
    - When the kid is sick at school, who stays home from work to look after them?
    - Who takes them to the doctor/dentist?
    - Who pushes them to do homework?
    - Who talks to the teachers?
    - Who buys clothes, school materials, sporting equipment
    - Who enrolls in extracurriculars??

    POSSIBLY if you've been hanging back on these aspects, she could claim that you are not fully parenting.

    Comment


    • #3
      Thanks for the reply.

      No disagreements on health issues with kids.
      we both take them to dr and dentist. in the last 2 months I have been to 2 dr. appts and 1 dentist.

      we both talk to teachers and I volunteer at school.
      we both buy clothes. she buys alot more toys and video games then I do...tries to win them over and I can't compete $ wise.
      I enrolled the kids last in karate and dance class.

      I have noticed that since she hired a lawyer she is dotting her i's and crossing her t's. Arranging that the kids medical mailing address is her house etc.

      I have great history. took half parental leave with both kids, work 12 days a month so provide after school care on my non days with kids.

      Just worry she is up to something. Two weeks ago I had to call the police on her because she was yelling at pick up and giving me the finger in a public parking lot in front of the kids.

      Thanks

      Comment


      • #4
        Two weeks ago I had to call the police on her because she was yelling at pick up and giving me the finger in a public parking lot in front of the kids.
        You called the police for that?

        Comment


        • #5
          There was more to it. She was threatening access to the kids and saying I couldn't have them next day like agreed.
          In hindsight would have handled it differently.
          Kids never saw police he just explained to her later that night she can't restrict my access.

          Comment


          • #6
            Two things:

            First, probably on the encouragement of her lawyer, is being adversarial, and presenting an extreme position to begin negotiation. For some reason, lots of things are dealt with by haggling in separation/divorce once lawyers get involved. Sole custody is just her crazy high price 'starting point' and unless you cave in, it's highly unlikely she'll get it. Don't let that scare you off, just do your best to argue against it and fight against her manipulating the situation to reduce your access.

            Second, I would suggest you pay close attention to how you are expressing yourself, and practice here at being logical, rational and non-emotional. Put on your vulcan face. For example, above, you said that you called police because your ex yelled and gave you the finger. You only elaborated that she had also threatened to deny access after being confronted on it. What you want to make sure you do in court is to state the underlying, logical reason for doing things first, and leave out the emotion entirely.

            Third (haha, there's always more with me) I would be very careful how you involve the police. It's very confrontational and only escalates the conflict if it's not truly necessary. Honestly, you would get further in court if you can prove that she successfully denied access to you, than you would if she only threatened it. Let her threaten things all she wants; you stay calm and rational, and document her behaviour rather than react in kind.

            Comment


            • #7
              Thanks for the responses.

              Yes I feel I made a mistake involving the police but she has a history of being abusive (physically and emotionally) and quite honestly I am tired of that Behaviour especially in front of children. My hope was to show her there are boundaries .

              We do have a separation agreement but she wants to start over. I was just curious on opinions of chances of her pulling sole custody as she often threatens.

              I am not interested in negotiating w lawyers as we reached an agreement a year ago after 4 months of mediation. She is mad I have moved on and is looking for her pound of flesh.

              I do have other posts on separation agreement if you need background.

              Comment


              • #8
                For example, above, you said that you called police because your ex yelled and gave you the finger. You only elaborated that she had also threatened to deny access after being confronted on it. What you want to make sure you do in court is to state the underlying, logical reason for doing things first, and leave out the emotion entirely.
                David, this is important advice and it bears repeating. If Rioe wasn't clear, here is what happened:

                You were asked why you called the police;
                You stated that she yelled at you and gave you the finger;
                You were told it didn't seem like a valid reason;
                You then said that she had threatened to deny access.

                Now imagine this was a courtroom and you were being cross examined by a very good lawyer. They would not have made the second comment, they would have let you be stuck with your initial answer, and you come across to the judge very poorly, it would seem like you grossly overeacted and escalated the situation unnecessarily.

                In court, you wouldn't get a chance to respond again, unless your lawyer had turn after that.

                Take Rioe's advice to heart, have a cold, clear, logical reason for what you do, and when asked, you state it simply. Make it a habit, because when her lawyer gets their hands on you I can guarentee they will do everything possible to trip you up.

                Comment


                • #9
                  Ok thanks great advice.
                  I also have the whole encounter recorded on my iPhone where she said she doesn't care what's in the best interest of the children.

                  Thanks again, guess I have to wrap my head around what is happening and how any action or comment can be twisted.

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    It would appear I am in a very similar situation as your's. My stbx has threatened the same. She did do so in a text message, which I used as evidence in a recently filed affidavit. I am going to trial early July, and as mentioned above, I am concerned about being cross examined.
                    You might find the responses in this thread helpful.http://www.ottawadivorce.com/forum/f...ication-11728/

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      I would think if the kids are doing well with the shared custody and you both can get along to make decisions about the children that things would remain the same. I know if a couple cannot get along they will not give joint custody or shared. Being you have it and its been a year I dont see why it would change. I think if she refuses access because of something stupid and its in your custody papers then calling police in right thg to do.

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Simple answer is YES she can. It is family court and ANYTHING is possible.

                        Comment

                        Our Divorce Forums
                        Forums dedicated to helping people all across Canada get through the separation and divorce process, with discussions about legal issues, parenting issues, financial issues and more.
                        Working...
                        X