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  • annulement or haw force her to go see psychiatrist

    I had problem to understand my wife since second day after mariage
    after many problems - mostly verbal and sexual I went to psychologist and he discover that my wife have clear Borderline Personality Disorder what prevent me from have a sex with her
    Her family did not informed me about problem which acured 10 years ago
    and I discover that myself after 6 mts after marige because of frequent mental disorders
    I am not sure that during the wedding because of emotions and fascinating , she was in mental health condition
    and I have emails and letters of her frequent disorders
    Haw can I forse her to go to psychiatrist because all her famili don't want to help me and send her for examination and is against me in this case
    They wants us to devorce insted go to doctor
    Thank You in advace
    Eugene

  • #2
    Eugenek,

    It appears you have a difficult issue on your hands. There really isn't an easy answer on such a sensitive issue
    You mentioned

    Her family did not informed me about problem which acured 10 years ago and I discover that myself after 6 mts after marige because of frequent mental disorders
    I have to ask if the individual has had this problem now for 10 years, this sort of suggests that it may be permanent.

    It appears that you care significantly about your spouse, and you are looking for a solution not an ending to the relationship. Have you considered marital counseling. From that perhaps the counselor can convince the party to seek some help. Sometimes people just have to be made aware of the problem to get help or what effect the problem is having on others.

    It is difficult to help someone if they don't really want to be helped.

    lv

    Comment


    • #3
      I'm just wondering if your spouse exhibited any odd behaviour during your pre-marriage relationship(dating)? It's odd that you weren't given any signs. Another thing that seems strange is that her parents don't want to get help for their daughter. Their answer is to divorce; they should be elated that she is married to such a good man who is willing to stick around and help her with these struggles. I think most people would leave, whereas you are willing to stand by and go through this with her---good for you. It says alot about your character.
      I would also suggest marriage councelling, psychiatrist for'two' of you(so she doesn't feel signaled out) and maybe a prescription medicine will be suggested to her by the doctor.
      If she feels it's a team effort she may be more apt to help herself.
      Hang in and do what you feel is right. YOu could always call the mental health association for possible suggestions.
      Last edited by god knows the truth; 06-19-2006, 10:12 AM.

      Comment


      • #4
        BPD is no picnic!

        Hi Eugenek,

        I have experience dealing with Borderline Personality Disorder, or BPD as it's commonly referred to. It is really difficult to manage. One of the most frustrating aspects is the sufferer often appears the picture of charm and competance in public, and saves the true disordered personality for their safe zones (i.e., at home with you).

        It is a life-long disorder, something that must be managed. There are medical treatments, but treatment resistance is very common. There are a lot of online resources for both those diagnosed, and their significant others (commonly called "non"s). http://www.amethystrainn.com/BPD/ has quite a few good links about the disorder.

        I'd recommend you read the following 2 books, at a minimum:
        "Stop Walking on Eggshells: Taking Your Life Back When Someone You Care about Has Borderline Personality Disorder" by Pau Mason and Randi Kreger. A bit dismal, but very useful.
        "New Hope for People with Borderline Personality Disorder" by Neil R. Bockian, Ph.D., with Valerie Porr, MA, and Nora Elizabeth Villagran. Much more optomistic prognosis.

        Here is the diagnostic creiteria used by doctors:

        DSM (Diagnostic & Statistical Manual)

        A pervasive pattern of instability of interpersonal relationships, self-image, and affects, and marked impulsivity beginning by early adulthood and present in a variety of contexts, as indicated by five (or more) of the following:

        1) frantic efforts to avoid real or imagined abandonment

        2) a pattern of unstable & intense interpersonal relationships characterized by alternating between extremes of idealization and devaluation

        3) identity disturbance: markedly and persistent unstable self-image or sense of self

        4) impulsivity in at least two areas that are potentially self-damaging (e.g. spending, sex, substance abuse, reckless driving, binge eating)

        5) recurrent suicidal behavior, gestures or threats, or self-mutilating behavior

        6) affective instability due to a marked reactivity of mood (e.g., intense episodic dysphoria, irritability, or anxiety usually lasting a few hours and only rarely more than a few days)

        7) chronic feelings of emptiness

        8) inappropriate, intense anger or difficulty controlling anger (e.g., frequent displays of temper, constant anger, recurrent physical fights)

        9) transient, stress related paranoia or severe dissociative symptoms

        Best of luck to you on your journey towards peace,
        d

        Comment


        • #5
          Originally posted by Eugenek
          I had problem to understand my wife since second day after mariage
          after many problems - mostly verbal and sexual I went to psychologist and he discover that my wife have clear Borderline Personality Disorder what prevent me from have a sex with her
          Her family did not informed me about problem which acured 10 years ago
          and I discover that myself after 6 mts after marige because of frequent mental disorders
          I am not sure that during the wedding because of emotions and fascinating , she was in mental health condition
          and I have emails and letters of her frequent disorders
          Haw can I forse her to go to psychiatrist because all her famili don't want to help me and send her for examination and is against me in this case
          They wants us to devorce insted go to doctor
          Thank You in advace
          Eugene
          Thank You For all for halp
          Is to late
          Parents of my wife forced her to divorce me or brain wasched ( I reciveed divorce papers today ) to hide illnes of my wife and don't spred news in their family

          Comment


          • #6
            So sorry to hear that you were served Eugenek, but it doesn't mean that it's too late to save your marriage.

            It's easier said than done, especially for us, but I think GKTT's suggestion was a good one.. joint counselling. If both of you obtain counselling, she may not feel so threatened. The divorce is only final when the judge signs the order. Please don't give up if you really want things to work out!!

            Lindsay

            Comment


            • #7
              Eugenek,

              I agree with Lindsay. It appears the parents have a great influence on this person. Perhaps you and the individual need to sit down over a coffee or something and have a meaningful discussion.

              lv

              Comment


              • #8
                I tried to talk to my wife 2 days ago
                She refused to talk to me and go enywhere
                When I started to ask Her for conversation and discusion ,She start to call police
                Only cort order can help me now - I know that
                and I will do it
                Thank You all for help
                Eugene

                Comment


                • #9
                  Eugenek,

                  It must be very difficult for you. Unfortunately, you certainly can't force someone to communicate with you. Both parties need to want to work things out.

                  Have you taken a look at our Divorce Support forums? I looked around and found a few threads, among may other excellent threads, that might help you out:

                  How do you say its over?
                  For those, wanting to save marriage.
                  I want a divorce, but.....

                  Lindsay
                  Last edited by Lindsay; 06-27-2006, 11:15 AM.

                  Comment

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