Mediation and arbitration

[momforever1956]

I would like some feedback on this subject.
We are headed there, trying to avoid court.
Has anyone suggestions, direction or comments?

My lawyer is suggesting the same mediator and arbitrator,,, a High profile Family Lawyer who is known for his no nonsense approach,, I am feeling comfortable with this as we are prepared, with facts and proof of our position.

Thanks

[wretchedotis]

You should look into 'collabrative family law' specialized lawyers.

It's a mediation/arbitration approach to family law. At least in my limited understanding.

[momforever1956]

Thanks,

I have my lawyer and we have choosen our mediator/arbitrator... I was curious to experiences that people have had using this process.

[wretchedotis]

mediation is helpful if both parties are civil and no one party is set that the outcome must be "x".

If that is the case it will most likely not work.

Arbitration is when you have a un-biased third party' decide the issues for you. It is not much different than going to court in that you are bound by the arbitrators recommendations.

I fully encourage you (and the other side) to go a mediative route if at all possible. My 'other-side' flat out rejected all such offers and requests so I neve had the pleasure of the experience.

But I would bet dollars to donuts it would have been less painful for us both.

[momforever1956]

I am more than willing to negotiate and have no problem with mediation--the facts are pretty clear there isnt much room for movement,,,, just not sure that my x feels the same way--he feels pinned--which ultimately he is--so we shall see,,,, hoping it will be reasonable.

[janedoe99]

mediation would be best. Try to get along if possible...even if you have to set aside your pride. I thought I tried everything.. we did mediation more than once, we had meetings with family members...I'm wishing that I had even tried harder than that. Because now 3 months in...$5000 later...and proceedings have not even been started.

[Ontario_Dad_41162]

I would like some feedback on this subject.
We are headed there, trying to avoid court.
Has anyone suggestions, direction or comments?

My lawyer is suggesting the same mediator and arbitrator,,, a High profile Family Lawyer who is known for his no nonsense approach,, I am feeling comfortable with this as we are prepared, with facts and proof of our position.

Thanks

I was very successful with mediation - we reached agreement in 45 minutes (mind you - I think ours was a simpler case).

When we had our last Trial Management Conference in Brampton, the judge said "look, this isn't big enough to be going to trial over. I'll give you a referral to the mediator here, go see them and see if you can work it."

This mediator gave us (I guess because the judge referred us) 2 free hours, so the mediation cost us nothing.

It would be worth seeing if your courthouse as a mediation office and if so, if the judge could also give you a referral.

[Fed-UP!]

Arbitration

My ex's lawyer suggested an Arbitrator, my lawyer accepted, I said lets offer a couple names, he said take their name or I quit, the prick quits on me, I felt I was totally being set up. Then he makes some lame ass excuse why he can't rep me for Trial, but kept my Retainer. Some much scum out there. Then I talked to another lawyer, she didn't like Arbitration, surprise, and I don't like putting my life into one persons hands. This system is beyond broken. And the stress it causes people is insane. HELP>>>>>>

[Canadaguy]

I'm sure there are many post about mediation/arbitration, but from my personal experience:

1. It can be very expensive. Know what you want to get out of it before going in and push YOUR agenda, not the mediators. If you get a bad mediator they will waste time and drag it out to make more money. In my case it took 5 minutes to mediate my situation and they dragged it out to cost over $6k. Get in, get your answer, get out. At the end of the day you will not be able to convince the other party to see your side unless they are willing to "give in". And since they haven't already, they probably won't because a mediator suggests it.

2. Write all your issues down before going in to it by priority. Only focus on them. Don't talk about issues that you know the answer too (eg CS because there is a table that dictates it). Only talk about what you are apart on.

3. State your stance one higher then you will compromise on. If you want a country, start by asking for the world, then compromise for a country. In the end, you get what you think is fair and best. If you want the world, start with asking for the universe.

4. Try before mediation to do it yourself. In the end, the only difference is that someone is talking for you becauase you can't talk to each other.

5. Create a list of issues that don't really matter to you. Insist that before any decisions are made that all the issues be laid out on the table. For example, you might not care what custody is with the child, but do care about the amount of CS or SS you pay/get paid. Everything is linked in a way, and you cannot make once decision with it automatically dictating the result of another.

6. Know what the judge would decide before you go it. That way when a decision cannot be reached, you can say ok, let's forget about that issue, resolve the other ones and let the judge decide knowing that the judge would decide in your favor for example.

It is sad because it seems like a game, but then again I don't know any profession (teachers unions, pro athletes, even HS debate teams) that don't practice and know the facts and prepare for the battle ahead before going into it.

[Fed-UP!]

This whole system is a game, the sooner you figure it out, the less you'll stress. I think all cases should have some sort of mediation, but also a bit of mental therapy attached. Mind you my EX hasn't compromised in 25 years, she aint gonna start now. She can growl thru her lawyer at me as much as she wants. I'll just pass the ball right back at her. Because it is a fkn game.