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Can I keep him home?

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  • Can I keep him home?

    My kids went to their dads this weekend and came home terrified. My ex threatened to cut our 4 year old sons weewee off with a pair of garden shears (because our son put his hand down his pants). The children tell me ex was snapping at sons pants just inches away and that my daughter was punished for trying to help her brother.
    My son is so scared he had nightmares last night. He is supposed to go to see his dads alone on Thursday and he is terrified.
    Am I overreacting or what do I do?

  • #2
    is this the only incident in 4 years that would make you not trust them? If there are other concerns I'd probably call a professional of some sort to ask their opinion. Child protective services, or counsellor. Then maybe the father and his gf can be spoken to and advised that this isn't a good parenting method. It's hard to say really because if he's been a great dad all along until this one incident, then I would just talk to the father. Sometimes children percieve things differently than what actually happened but at the same time they can't be ignored.

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    • #3
      This is the kids third accusation this year and the school has called CAS on my ex once(he has no gf) The kids are in Art theoropy at the local womens shelter but they are so overwhelmed they are lucky to get one visit a month. I'm torn I don't want to call CAS and have them think I am abusing the system but I can't ignor what my children are telling me.

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      • #4
        Well, then I would call CAS. You aren't abusing the system...that is what it's there for. It's not like you are lying. You just have concerns. You can even say to them..."I don't know if I'm over reacting but my son said _________ and I need advice on what to do." They may tell you just to talk to him. I'm not sure what they'll do but as a parent I think it's your job when your child tells you something to at least advocate for them. Seek out answers and have any issues dealt with.

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        • #5
          Yah, I'll be calling the CAS worker in the morning. I'm not supposed to contact my ex nor do I want to. I'll leave it up to them to decide if it's worth looking into.

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          • #6
            Get to your family doctor immediately, explain, and let him/her assist as well. I believe he/she would also have to call CAS

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            • #7
              My family doctor will take weeks to get in to see.

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              • #8
                mammaMouse
                No you are wrong. Doctors ALWAYS have an emergency appointment system to allow emergency type issues to be seen often "today". It is in how serious is the issue and the doctor must be in but otherwise do not take no for an answer.

                My relationship may be no the norm - but I have my doctor's email and can contact him directly when it is warranted - I do not abuse this previlege but he did say he gets 100 plus a day and he scans the senders.....he said if he sees mine - he opens mine before any other. I asked..... he said because when your name is there you have a big issue - worth looking at.

                So do not take no from the reception - move to the nurse then take your child and plain just go to the office - if you are concerned enough would that not warrant your going everyday until you do get in???? (hope it doesn't get to that)

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                • #9
                  What will my doctor be able to do that CAS can't? My son has no injuries.

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                  • #10
                    Originally posted by MommaMouse View Post
                    My kids went to their dads this weekend and came home terrified. My ex threatened to cut our 4 year old sons weewee off with a pair of garden shears (because our son put his hand down his pants). The children tell me ex was snapping at sons pants just inches away and that my daughter was punished for trying to help her brother.
                    My son is so scared he had nightmares last night. He is supposed to go to see his dads alone on Thursday and he is terrified.
                    Am I overreacting or what do I do?
                    First of all before you keep the child away from his father you need to make sure you've asked yourself this question. Do you really believe your ex would chop his weewe off? Second how accurate are the stories coming back and lastly are you being truthful with yourself for the reasons for keeping he child away from his father?

                    I am not condoning fathers alleged words to your young fellow but I am wondering with the extremism of what's being alleged that maybe you should talk to ex first and see what his reply is. Also if there is no documented history of violence...cant remeberd if you said there was or not...then I would have to ask what makes you think he would actually go through with it?

                    I would take the others advice in here before denying access. I would also talk to dad and express your concerns. Cas will ask you if you've talked to dad about these concerns first...there are reasons for this.

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                    • #11
                      Not saying it didnt happen exactly as described but.......

                      My daughter (who is now 6) has said to my ex on many occassions that certain things happened while in my care, like:

                      my parents dog bit her....no, the dog didn't. It grunted at her once as my 4yo came up from behind her. If the dog did bite, I am sure the 90lbs sheppard cross would've left a few marks

                      my fiance hit her....never happened. My fiance was crushed to even be accused of such.

                      Again, I know you want to believe your child and may have good reason to. But you have to take into consideration the source....that the kid is 4yo and will tell you anything you want to hear.

                      Further, have you asked your ex about the incident to get his reaction. I mean, if you sent him an email saying:

                      "Dear Moron,

                      In talking to S4 earlier today, he made a distrurbing comment about an incident during your time. He said that you threatened to cut off his "wee wee" if he didn't get his hands out of his pants and went further to snap a pair of sheers in front of his pants.

                      If the above is accurate, I feel that such comments and actions are very inappropriate. S4 stated he is very affraid now. I hope in the future, in the best interests of the children, you would refrain from making such comments and/or actions. Should this persist, I will be forced to take the appropriate action to remedy this.

                      If the incident did not occur as described, I am willing to listen and we will work to help s4 to not tell storys or exagerate."

                      Chances are, dad did do it. But likely he did it in jest, and just didn't use his head. I just can't see any parent threatening to cut off their childs penis.

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                      • #12
                        Your doctor will be your strongest advocate - possibly taking a case from just one of many to one of a more urgent status. The wounds are not always seen and your family physician has avenues to get help very quickly shoudl this be required.A GP is a very important part of your child's health care and should be aware of what to do , who to see, where to go if there is something that the child needs. For this issue and any other that you may encounter in the future. I am not so sure CAS has the ability to act today??? (I have never dealt with CAS but there are many here who could justify that statement)

                        As you can tell I am an advocate to the GP - this is the person that doesn't look at you only in one particular way that matches a specialty of well a specialist but a GP is trained to look at your whole picture and at times can see what the others miss.

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                        • #13
                          U don't have to do anything. But the family doctor will have an emergency based appt process, and if warranted it is a professional contacting CAS as well (one more person backing up your child).
                          If it is that serious, why wouldn't u try to get all of the support u can for your child, not to mention some professional suggestions that might come your way to handle the situation (as well as teaching ur children that their doctor is a safe, trusted source to talk to)
                          Just sayin...

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                          • #14
                            Thanks for all the advice.
                            May_May your right we have called the doc and he has made room for us tommorow.
                            HammerDad and LostFather, due to a violent past I no longer communicate with my ex. It is for my own safety that I do not ask him. I have tried this in the past and he has of course denied it and in the end admitted to ie he locked our 18month old in the car and left her there for a half hour at the welfare office, he hit our son for disciplinary reasons.

                            I believe he would hurt him accidentally I haven't decided if he would hurt him on purpose. Our son is the perverbial black sheep in my ex's eyes and gets punished far more severly than his older sister and far more often it seems, that being said I am not there and do not witness any of this and am going off the word of a 6 and 4 year old. The reason for this I believe is because our second child was born after the divorce.

                            I am at a loss for what to do for my children, I want them to have a relationship with their father but yet don't want to force them to go every week to a house they are terrified of.

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                            • #15
                              I suggest counselling for the kids. If they tell the counsellor these things, dad is up shits-creek.

                              And an email to the ex shouldn't open you up to any violence. Yeah, he will most likely reply with a viral denial and curses here and there. But if you expect it, and save the email, you've done your part to advise the other side AND you've accomulated more evidence of their inability to co-parent/communicate....win win in some perspectives.

                              Comment

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