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  • Interfering new boyfriends/girlfriends - thank goodness for the Privacy Act

    My divorce would have been alot easier if my ex-husband's new girlfriend would have stayed out of everything. I know it reflects on my ex-husband and shows what a wimp he is. My ex-husband is living with his former employee's wife (yes she is still married) and she has continually stuck her nose into everything. I am so very thankful for the Privacy Act which keeps some of her snooping at bay (she has tried to get copies of my income tax and other business information but to no avail). I don't know why people can't just let the ones going through the divorce do it on their own. When we were last in court I had a decent judge who frowned on the presence of the "new girlfriend" and my ex was called on it. It's hard enough to go through a divorce, after 30 yrs of marriage, and splitting up of a business without having to deal with the new girlfriend all the time.

  • #2
    I can understand that totally. My ex and I were getting along good until his newest gf started sticking her nose into it. Now he thinks I am the scum of the earth and calls me everything but a white woman. The cute thing is his gf is getting divorced from her husband who cheated on her. When I remarked to him that it must have been an unhappy marriage for the man to cheat, his response
    "no they were happy together, a man is wired to cheat and it takes a real man to say I could cheat but i choose not to."

    WTF?? I think my jaw hit the floor with that one. lol Needless to say I am so glad to have my signed separation agreement, the house totally in my name and him out of my life.

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    • #3
      Wow it sounds like you did the right thing in dumping that loser. Unfortunately it took me 30 yrs to figure out how bad my ex was. He's currently living with our former employee's wife. My ex has made the last 2 1/2 yrs a nightmare. When I discovered he was having an affair with our former employee's wife I kicked his butt to the wind and had him served with divorce papers 4 days later. I had a very good lawyer and very good advice from lawer friends at the time. My ex and I were married 30 yrs. Our divorce took less than 10 months but disposing of business has been a nightmare as he went bankrupt, directed all the money to his girlfriend's bank. He has refused to give me company documents. I have many court orders but they are pretty much useless as I've found the only court orders you can have enforced is Maintenance Enforcement. I am starting my life over at age 55 and it's been a struggle. I am optimistic though. I'm smarter than he is and I'm not saddled with supporting anyone - he is now supporting his girlfriend who has never worked a day in her life. LOL Yeah I've been called every name in the book as well. My advice to anyone getting a divorce is simply "do it quick and go for the juggler" - you can negotiate and be nice down the road. Too many people let their lawyer's jerk their chain and try to drag things out. I opted for a JDR - one day with the judge and it was over.

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      • #4
        Originally posted by arabian View Post
        I opted for a JDR - one day with the judge and it was over.
        How does this JDR work?

        How is it over with in one day?

        Is there financial disclosure before, are formal offers sent before, do you go through questioning with each others lawyer before?

        What is the cost?

        More information please!

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        • #5
          JDR (Judicial Review) can be either Binding or non-binding. I opted for Binding which means the judge's decision is final and biding and either party can't sue the other party after the decision is rendered. The non-binding one was useless for me as I had no children to deal with. You can read up on the two on articles on the internet.

          JDR cost me around $1,500.00 which was for my lawyer for the day. Judges don't charge so basically your costs are what you make them. If you are organized, and you have a sharp lawyer, you can keep your costs down by helping your lawyer get prepared. I was the one who initiated the divorce. We wasted time in previous 4-way meetings where my ex would agree to things and then never do them. Do not get sucked into doing this. Your lawyer gets to present his case in writing (ours was in a binder, well organized with tabs) to the judge 30 days prior to the JDR. The other party has the opportunity to do the same. There are strict rules on JDR procedures that your lawyer has to be aware of. The day of the JDR the judge met with us and our lawyers for the day in a conference room in the court house. We had breaks frequently which gave us both an opportunity to consult with our lawyers. The judge was very well briefed on the case at the JDR which really helped. The judge asked questions and we answered. The number crunching was a bit overwhelming for me and I kind of zoned out at times but luckily I had a lawyer who, besides a law degree, also had a business degree. Anyone who is in business with their spouse should definitely get this combination. My ex went through 2 lawyers and neithe could hardly read or understand a financial statement. As we went along through the day the judge assisted us in negotiations. At the end of the day we all convened in a court room where the judge read the final ruling. I received a copy of the divorce judgment a week or so later. Looking back I wish I had done this a few months after I filed the divorce. It would have saved a ton of money, hurt feelings and time. I particularly liked that the judge kept my ex in line and would not tolerate any bad language or interrrupting from him. Judge ruled on facts not fiction.

          Yes there is full financial disclosure before - this is probably covered in the rules of court part for JDR's. We had tried formal offers before but it was a waste of time. In reality the Judge looks at the facts, law and all of those "formulas" for spousal support. Ours was a bit trickier as we were partners in a business and my ex is self-employed. I think lawyers shy away from JDR's at the start as they think they can make some money off two warring people. I was lucky that it was my lawyer who suggested the JDR in the first place. It's sure cheaper than a trial! I thnk it's a fair process. I was married for 30 yrs and I believe the ruling was fair for everyone. Oh course I would have loved to have received more money but one has to be realistic and get on with their life.

          If your lawyer doesn't like the idea of a JDR then I would fire him. Oh another thing, and this is just my personal opinion, stay away from bra-burning female lawyers. The judges do not like them. You need a lawyer who is EXTREMELY respectful to the judge. If your lawyer dresses like a slob I'd speak to them on that as well. You have a short time with the judge and you have to make the best impression you can. Judges are people and this stuff is probably very boring to them. I fortunately had a very young male lawyer who was well dressed, punctual, polite to my ex and his lawyer (which really screwed with them) and above all he never interrupted anyone and certainly wasn't obnoxious to the judge. While waiting in court I observed many other lawyers who were just pathetic.

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          • #6
            Thank you for this information.

            I have done some research on JDR's and your personal account of this process is much more informative.
            Last edited by frustratedwithex; 09-01-2011, 04:13 PM.

            Comment


            • #7
              Originally posted by arabian View Post
              I am so very thankful for the Privacy Act which keeps some of her snooping at bay (she has tried to get copies of my income tax and other business information but to no avail). I don't know why people can't just let the ones going through the divorce do it on their own.
              I am confused as to why the "new girlfriend" would even bother to try and locate and find this information. Under the rules of financial disclosure as part of the Family Law Act. A simple Form 20 (Request for Information) would be sufficient to get this information from you.

              As part of the whole process both parties are expected to provide frank and full financial disclosure. Why try to obtain it this way when the rules in place require it and you can request it through a From 20. Should you not produce the required information then a motion or order for questioning regarding the disclosure can be sought by the requesting party.

              She sounds a bit "out of control" or they have a under-qualified solicitor to be handling the matter. Financial disclosure is "divorce 101" stuff.

              Originally posted by arabian View Post
              When we were last in court I had a decent judge who frowned on the presence of the "new girlfriend" and my ex was called on it. It's hard enough to go through a divorce, after 30 yrs of marriage, and splitting up of a business without having to deal with the new girlfriend all the time.
              Was this at a motion or at a conference? The frown you may have seen was at a conference (settlement, case or trial). As a matter of procedure conferences are private and is between the two parties and their solicitors. At any time you can have anyone present for the conference removed under the rules. Many people don't realize this going into a conference.

              At a motion... I would be surprised if a judge even addressed the presence of a new partner or anyone else in the room listening to the matter (unless it was closed for some reason).

              The new girlfriend really is irrelevant to any of the proceedings. So just put her out of your mind. In fact, be very careful how you address her in your materials or in any questioning. You are both consenting adults and what he chooses to do is his own business. Just like the new girlfriend shouldn't be involving herself in your financial disclosure neither should you be involving her in the litigation. It is hard to do but, who really cares? Generally judges don't unless that person poses a threat of harm to children in their presence.

              Good Luck!
              Tayken

              Comment


              • #8
                I meant to also tell you that at a binding JDR the judge's decision is final. If it isn't a binding JDR the judge basically makes a recommendation and tells you how he/she feels the outcome of the case would be should it go to trial. Then you can do one of three things - 1. Go on to Trial 2. Continue on to try to negotiate a settlement yourselves or 3. Accept the judge's recommendation. I personally decided to "roll the dice" and go for the binding JDR. I think JDR's are good and sobering either way. It would probably be a good "reality check" if you are contemplating going to trial. The JDR process seems to focus on the facts rather than the emotional stuff that normally would weigh down a divorce by trial. A JDR is efficient and good value. I really believe that the sooner a divorce can be dealt with the better. Now if there was just a way to deal with the business.....

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                • #9
                  Originally posted by standing on the sidelines View Post
                  I can understand that totally. My ex and I were getting along good until his newest gf started sticking her nose into it. Now he thinks I am the scum of the earth and calls me everything but a white woman. The cute thing is his gf is getting divorced from her husband who cheated on her. When I remarked to him that it must have been an unhappy marriage for the man to cheat, his response
                  "no they were happy together, a man is wired to cheat and it takes a real man to say I could cheat but i choose not to."

                  WTF?? I think my jaw hit the floor with that one. lol Needless to say I am so glad to have my signed separation agreement, the house totally in my name and him out of my life.
                  Interesting perspective on extramarital affairs. Blame the victim stance. It is always interesting to see how the person whom is the vicitim of the extramarital affair is the "cause" of the extramarital affair. An affair is between two consenting adults. No one forces anyone to cheat on their spouse. Sex is sex and done for so many reasons. You can get comfort and support from so many sources that even trying to suggest that the victim of the affair is the reason for the affair is well... Irrational in my opinion.

                  Mature adults work out their problems. Should the person who wanted the affair discussed the matter, sought a separation and divorce prior to the affair then a more mature result would have happened. It is a shame that in society that extramarital affairs are viewed as "oh well it happened big deal" event now. The victim of the affair is not to blame. It is like blaming the victim of an assault for causing it.

                  Hopefully, one day society will again respect the sanctity of marriage. What does it say about the person whom the cheating spouse had the affair with? Did they know the person was in a committed relationship. Doesn't say much about their moral character. It doesn't say much about the moral character of either person involved in the affair.

                  Good Luck!
                  Tayken

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Yes it was pretty amazing but my ex was "self representing" and the judges here in Alberta tend to give them more lattitude. Actually they gave him enough rope to hang himself which was just fine by me. Regarding your remarks about the financial disclosure thing and the tax information - my lawyer had already disclosed what we needed to and it was sufficient for the judge. My ex's girlfriend isn't the brightest and just likes to contact my lawyer's office all the time to say I'm not complying with the divorce order. My ex has been in contempt of court for over a year and I guess this just some outward projection of his part. I did find out one thing that I thought was very, very interesting throughout this whole process. The only order that is realistically enforced that I know of (besides restraining orders) are those that go through Maintenance Enforcement. I spent upwards of $9 K last year getting an order to have my ex turn over company documentation. Yeah I got the order but no one will enforce it. As a result I can't do company taxes, GST and it is holding my own tax filing. This is why the girlfriend likes to call the law firm and harass them. My lawyer has pretty much exhausted all options and I'm not prepared to pay for more court orders that can't be enforced. I'm leaving everything to CRA at this time and my ex can look forward to years of audits.

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      I am getting to that point, that friends told me I would reach sometime, where I am grateful that my ex cheated on me and I found out. Good riddance to the loser. Wish this had happened 28 yrs ago.

                      Comment

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