Reform Needed NOW!

[Justice4us]

I pay my ex the full tabled amount for two kids as she has primary care. We BOTH have good-paying jobs...I make bit more than her (on paper) but from what I gather she is close to a 6-figure salary herself through recent promotions etc. Her income is not considered at all when it comes to the amount I am required to pay her monthly. In addition, I drive one hour one way to pick up and drop off my kids every other weekend as she refuses to meet halfway.I am re-married with two stepchildren and my new wife does not receive child support. We had to purchase a new house big enough for us and our 4 children...it was important to me that the kids were comfortable when we were all together. After paying the ex the huge amount that I do for child support, we are able to pay our basic monthly expenses but do not have money for any of the extras...all the kids have to suffer somewhat because of this. Most of my disposable income goes to the ex, and from what the kids tell us, most of the time their fridge is empty. Their mother provides them with the basics and if they ask for anything more she tells them she does not have money. Meanwhile, we have been told that she has renovators fixing up her house, she has bought new furniture, tv's, computers, replaced her roof, fixed her driveway, bought a brand new car, and is searching for a new house. I will be needing a new car soon myself but have no idea how I will be able to pay for it.
I deposit the child support money into a joint account and have noticed that she only takes the money out in large sums, obviously whenever she wants to purchase a big ticket item. She is not at all accountable for how that money is spent...is this fair to anyone including the children?
Fair would be to determine the cost of raising a child on a monthly basis, look at each parents monthly income, and then determine what each parent should be contributing individually to find the difference.
Just a heads up-not every primary care parent has a low income and not every one of them is using the funds issued to them for the benefit of the children.
Something needs to be done to change the system so that the receiving parent is not enjoying a higher standard of living at the expense of a parent or family who is/are suffering financially, and to make the receiving parent accountable for how those funds are being spent.

[Qrious]

Here we go.

I will start with this:

1. Child support is the right of your children and is based on your income solely if the children primarily reside with their mother.

2. How the money is spent, or in what increments it is withdrawn from the bank is none of your business. How much money would you be spending to raise your children every month had you and your X stayed together?

3. If you couldn't afford to pay for your first family, you shouldn't have taken up with a second one.

4. If you overspent on a house to accommodate your new wife and HER kids, YOUR children shouldn't be paying the price for that. That is your problem.

5. Why doesn't your new wife get child support for her children? If the children live 50/50 with the parents, then they should be half supported by their father. If they live the majority with their mother then their father should be paying table CS. This is a problem that is not your x wife's or your children's.

6. Who moved from your neighbourhood? You or your X?

[knackered]

I hear you Justice4us

Yes Child Support is the right of the children.

Both parents should be CONTRIBUTING towards their children.

I feel the guidelines are too high.

Whether we have children or not, we are all responsible for a roof over our head, utilities, vehicle expenses, food, clothing, etc. Having Children does not increase those expenses by the guideline amounts! There is NO WAY my ex is spending the amount of monthly Child Support I give her DIRECTLY on our 2 children....A large part of that money is directly supporting ex's a$$!

My Ex refuses to give me extra parenting time that I am available for. A lot of Custodial parents do this, simply because they want top guideline "Child" Support....and the amount is higher than needed!

[SomeGuy]

2. How the money is spent, or in what increments it is withdrawn from the bank is none of your business. How much money would you be spending to raise your children every month had you and your X stayed together?

And this is a problem that needs "Reform".

Lets suppose that.... oh... someone was railroaded out of the house with false allegations of domestic violence. (no new family or anything like that)

Lets suppose that... oh... *very* large CS payments are made.

If I was able to live with the kids, that money would be poured into things like RESPs, driving lessons, sports, and other expenses which directly benefit them.


"None of my business"??? I see no issue with requiring accountability that CS payments actually benefit the children.... or at very least requiring a portion to be allocated to RESPs, etc. Especially when they are *significant*.

"In the best interests of the Children" is one of the most empty phrases in family law.

[Justice4us]

It is precisely this kind of attitude that is the problem with our system to begin with...just wondering...are you a payor yourself?

1) child support is the right of ALL children and BOTH parents should be responsible.


2) it is my hard-earned money that is supposed to be used for my kids, so I should have every right to know how it is being spent. When we were together I do not remember ever spending in one particular month the amount that I give her...and I'm talking just the amount that I pay-not even touching her own income.
And it is the kids who are telling us that they are not allowed to go to summer camps or do some of the things they would like to do because their mother does not have the money..???


3) so is it your presumption that she is allowed to move on with her life and I am not? Really? Just FYI, it was HER who wanted to divorce.


4) the house that we bought is not just to accommodate my new wife and step kids...it was to accommodate ALL the kids...I wanted my kids to have their own rooms and enjoy their time with us.


5) my new wife has her kids half of the time, but is not receiving child support because of her ex's financial situation. That is not anyone's fault.


6) I agreed to move to the town my ex lives in because SHE got a job there and she was a 10 min drive from our house. I lived there for 13 yrs and never worked a day there myself...I was the one who had to sacrifice by commuting to work 2 hrs one way. After a few years of this the commuting became too much for me and I started working from home a few days a week. I had joint custody of my kids for a while and was paying her only a small equalization payment at the time. The reason I moved out of her area was because I was going to lose my job if I did not go into the office every single day. Losing my job would not have benefited anyone.


I hope that answers your questions...some open-mindedness in appreciating other people's situations would be helpful.

[Justice4us]

Thank you...paying child support is not the problem...it is the ridiculous amounts that have to paid, lack of accountability on the part of the recipient and disregard for the rights of the payor.

[takeontheworld]

I think the majority will agree that reform is needed. The payee has way to much leeway on how it is spent.
I hardly see any need in attacking the op. He said he wanted a house big enough for ALL the kids. Im not exactly sure how you can condemn him for that. I think hes quite capable of taking care of his family. His issue is that the money isnt being used for his family. Its being used to maintain the ex's lifestyle.

[knackered]

"Lets suppose that.... oh... someone was railroaded out of the house with false allegations of domestic violence. (no new family or anything like that)"

That happened to me. Ex and I were having a verbal argument. Ex got on the phone with her Mom. Next thing I know, the police were at our house. Ex's Mom had phoned the police and told them that I threatened ex's life....(Never happened) Police escorted me out of the house.
Charges were dropped against me in court.


My Ex and I have been separated 5 years. We are both in spousal relationships with other people.

It doesn't make sense why they don't factor both parents incomes when determining child support or both parent's household incomes if spouses are involved.

My Ex makes $60,000 a year. She is claiming "separated" on her taxes and receiving $466 a month in government benefits from the kids. She gets $765 a month from me in guideline child support, plus anywhere from $200-$300 on top of that for her babysitting expenses that she makes up---She has a babysitting scam going on which I've written many threads about/ will update on that situation at some point! And if she puts them in any activities, I pay my proportional share for that as well.

So because of this, I am having to pay her approximately $1,100 a month. Plus she's getting that $466 a month government benefits for claiming "separated" even though she's in a spousal relationship.

THEN YOU HAVE MY GF who makes $20,000 a year because she works part-time/ in order to raise her child/ not put the child in babysitting and rack up unnecessary fees for her ex, as my ex does to me. (I and my GF have told my ex that we are available for our kids so my ex doesn't need babysitting--but ex refuses to let one of us care for our kids)

So my GF makes $20,000 a year. Her Ex pays $200 a month Child Support. He cuts his employment hours on the book down, and runs a lawn care business on the side under the table.
My GF claims common-law on her taxes as we are in a spousal relationship and gets $80 a month child benefit from the government.

How unbelievable EX makes $60,000 a year, $1,100 a month from me, $466 free government money a month.

Then GF makes $20,000 a year, $200 child support money a month, and $80 government benefit

[knackered]

My GF and I BARELY make ends meet/ use credit cards to survive!

But if I wasn't with my GF, I would be worse off....I would have had to quit my job and go on welfare, as there is no way I could afford to pay Ex what I do, plus afford to live on my own.

Before I met my GF, I was renting a room, mattress on the bedroom floor.....

Ex's financials increase substantially by my Child Support....where I drop drastically.....They should use both parent's incomes to make it more equal between the two. One shouldn't profit and the other go in debt.

[BitHunter]

Pick your fight wisely. Not many people will sympathize with you, not even me. Fight for equal access instead.

[Mess]

My GF and I BARELY make ends meet/ use credit cards to survive!

Sorry, but you are an idiot.

[Justice4us]

Thanks for all your replies and feedback. I did not want to get into numbers originally, but at the moment I pay my ex $1800 per month in basic child support for two children and this does not include extra-curricular activities or any childcare expenses. If I get a raise my payment automatically goes up in conjunction with the tabled amounts so that I can never get ahead. She can make as much as humanly possible and it makes no difference whatsoever. She also gets all the tax breaks but I do not because I am the 'payor'. I pay taxes on the money I give while the ex gets it tax-free. In addition, my new wife will no longer be receiving child tax benefits or be entitled to a tax refund because of my income. We get screwed every which way because ON PAPER I make too much money...nobody cares what I am left with AFTER I make all of my mandatory payments.

[SadAndTired]

How unbelievable EX makes $60,000 a year, $1,100 a month from me, $466 free government money a month.

Then GF makes $20,000 a year, $200 child support money a month, and $80 government benefit

I am not sure how this makes you frustrated?

What education does your EX have? Obviously she is earning her potential. Perhaps she should make $20,000 a year and apply for spousal support payments??

You are mad because your EX makes good money to support herself? Wow.

Maybe your GF should work more if you are not surviving. You CHOSE to get into a common law relationship. Obviously your combined incomes are great if she is only getting $80 a month benefit and you are paying $1100 a month child support. You must make 6 figures.

Own up to the choices you have made.

[SadAndTired]

We get screwed every which way because ON PAPER I make too much money...nobody cares what I am left with AFTER I make all of my mandatory payments.

Why don't you tell us?

I am assuming by the child support payment you are about $80,000 a year.

My ex is currently earning about the same. He pays $1040 in child support and an amount of spousal amount on top. He found a girlfriend with a good job and no kids. Smart guy. LOL.

Sorry, I agree with Qrious. If you could not afford your first family, you should not have gotten involved with a second.

[SRT]

Ex has credentials and the ability to work full-time or to have a second part-time job as we have 1 child - s11. Shared custody with offset support table amounts. She has a lot of time off to enjoy salons, gyms, socializing, participating in class trips and there is no need to work anymore as she is also supported by her new common-law. Sometimes it is extremely hard for myself to enjoy free time with our boy, family or to even have some personal downtime due to my work schedule. If I was to choose a more laid back lifestyle, part-time work and decreased income level, I am sure that I would be looked at as the deadbeat who is not supporting their child. Another situation that does not seem fair, but you keep moving forward.