Case of neglect

[ProudMomof3]

Umm...I would hate anyone who hurts my children intentionally. I have tried to keep things civil, and he is the one who wants to remain angry and hateful. Seriously. You say I'm quick to point fingers? As I've stated, this is far from the first incident over the years.

I'm guessing the only way some of you would agree he's abusive, is if he took a baseball bat to his son's head. I'm amazed at how many of you are much better educated and more knowledgeable than the psychologists and social workers involved in this case, all of whom have said it's abuse.

[dinkyface]

I still haven't figured out why you posted your story, or what you are asking for.

[Gary M]

Of course I would have sympathy for an injured child.

But all we have here is one side of a story and it's a side that I, personally, don't believe at all.

I think she posted here looking for support because all the professionals have dismissed her as a kook.

Have any of you people who are criticizing me for being heartless actually seen the blisters? Anyone? Didn't think so.

My OPINION is that the OP is an overprotective nutjob that loses her shit every time her kids are with her ex. My OPINION is that anybody who calls CAS 12 times and hasn't realized any results ought to rethink what she's doing. My OPINION is that she's being evaluated with an eye to her fitness as a parent and is flipping out. My OPINION is that her overprotective flapping is probably at least half the reason her ex is her ex... and I am entitled to my opinion, and to post it in this public forum.

As always, I could be wrong... Nobody should care either way; I certainly don't.

Cheers!

Gary

[Gary M]

I'm amazed at how many of you are much better educated and more knowledgeable than the psychologists and social workers involved in this case, all of whom have said it's abuse.

Um, where's the "Bullshit!" flag? I need to wave it.

If what you said is true, your ex would be in jail and not camping with the kids.

Cheers!

Gary

[Gary M]

I have never called CAS. All these calls were made by professionals, who treat my children. If social workers feel the need to report these incidents, perhaps they see this as abuse as well.

Oh, so you have NEVER called CAS. It's all the professionals who have done this. At least, by your own admission, 12 times. And nothing has ever been done? At least 12 calls to CAS by educated authorities and ... nothing?

One wonders why it is that your kids need all this counselling in the first place....

Cheers!

Gary

[Nadia]

Sun burn unfortunately does not qualify as neglect.

However, I do understand why you might be upset about something that could have been prevented or could have been treated earlier. It must have been very upsetting to see your son in pain and distressed.

But, there is not much you can do but accept that there are parents who (1) parent differently (2) only do a half arse job of it (3) do a terrible job at parenting. Children often adapt to each given situation and somehow survive.

All you can do is to be the best parent YOU can be when the child is in your care.

If you continue to worry about what you can do to "protect" your son when he is with the other parent, you will run yourself into the ground. Encourage your son to empower himself to take better care of himself in absence of the fact that his father may not occasionally make the right decision.

My children are young (four and six) and the best thing I have ever done for them is to empower them to take care of themselves. There is so much for them to learn, but they are a lot more resiliant then I ever thought they would be.

I hope things get better for you.

[Gary M]

I do not rush my kids to the doctor, as I've been accused of. I'm a fairly laid back parent. My older son was only 9 when the swimmer's ear situation occured, so that was seven years ago. I took my son the other day. Two visits in seven years, and suddenly my ex is tired of me running to the doctor? Please.

Two visits to the hospital in 7 years? Only TWO? And 12 calls to CAS? TWELVE? Please indeed...

It's telling that custody is at stake and you're still chirping about an alleged ear infection from SEVEN years ago. heh

Cheers!

Gary

[NBDad]

A sunburn is not neglect. Not taking the kids to the dentist is not neglect. An ear infection is not neglect unless it's life threatening. Not following a doctor's instructions is not neglect (again, unless it places the child in immediate danger).

Poor choices? Poor decisions? Perhaps.

The child is 11, educate him on being responsible. Ensure he has his own sunscreen. It's like a couple of bucks for a tube of it. Go buy the kid some damn sunscreen and send it with him.

CAS is only able to intervene is cases of obvious neglect where the children's life is being placed at risk. It took my ex wife running out of oil (thus no hot water and no heat) in the middle of winter for them to finally get their act together. The conditions in her home were shocking to say the least. Garbage piled high, sharp knives floating about the living room table and floor, in easy reach of the 1 year old just learning to walk, etc.

So I've been down that road. And yes, as an extremely fair haired person myself, I remember getting burned, and burned and burned again while I was a child. Were my parent's neglectful? Nope. I was too busy having fun to go and remember to put sunscreen on. I got a sunburn ON TOP of blisters one time. You want to talk "suck", that's the definition of it.

Several of my children are also fair haired and fair skinned... Yes they burn. Yes it hurts. As a parent you take what precautions you can, but unless the kid is coming back every single time with some horrific injury, it's NOT neglect and CAS isn't going to care.

[Mess]

When ever I get sunburn, the blisters and peeling don't happen until a day after.

The story goes, the doctor prescibed antibiotic cream, so it must have been serious. No, the antibiotic cream was so that it didn't become serious. We go through tubes of Polysporin at our house like it was candy.

The ex sounds like my older brother. He babied his daughter her whole life and paid 100% for her university degree. He played tough guy with his son, never helped him with anything, because he believed that he had to teach him this "lesson" that no one will ever help you in life so you have to do it all yourself.

My niece has university degree and a professional career, travels the world and owns several properties and has a great family. My nephew has struggled all his life and is bitter about the difference in treatment.

I don't agree with my brother's parenting style or his gender prejudice, but I don't have any power over it. I've been supportive of my nephew and he remembers me on father's day and ignores my brother.

Is it abuse? That depends on your definition. We all get fucked up by our families, and being over protective and doting can fuck you up just as bad. We all end up needing therapy for some kind of shit we grew up with.

[pokeman]

i think if dads were given more custody then we wouldnt make these type of mistakes;

instead we try to do the best we can for our kids in a short time period, i think this dad tried his best to take them on a fun trip and seeing the results wouldnt make the same mistake twice ...

i say let the boy live with his father

[gumby]

This is an issue of a child being injured, being in pain and it's not ok. I am really shocked and dismayed at some of the responses here . To the op, don't post stuff like that here - some people see it as an opportunity to flame. You know what to do - now do it.

[Pursuinghappiness]

think if dads were given more custody then we wouldnt make these type of mistakes;

instead we try to do the best we can for our kids in a short time period, i think this dad tried his best to take them on a fun trip and seeing the results wouldnt make the same mistake twice ...

i say let the boy live with his father

What?!? What on earth made you come to this conclusion?

Honestly, how ridiculous.

[Gary M]

This is an issue of a child being injured, being in pain

Is it? Do you believe everything you read? If so, I have some UFO parts I wanna sell you.

and it's not ok.

I agree: It's not OK to use a child as a pawn in a custody/mobility battle.

I am really shocked and dismayed at some of the responses here.

Perhaps you need to toughen up some, then, before the Big Bad World smacks you down.

To the op, don't post stuff like that here

I agree: Don't fish for ways to exploit your children here, when you're real agenda is something sinister - especially when you've disclosed that agenda in another thread.

some people see it as an opportunity to flame. You know what to do - now do it.

Heh... Flame? Oh dear....

Cheers!

Gary

[pokeman]

I came to my conclusion reading the info available in this thread, send the boy to dad and let him tend to his son as dad made a mistake ...

Dads can be nurturing too ....

[gumby]

Gary M. I don't check people's other posts before replying - don't know what the op is like, where she come from, or whether she is telling the truth or not. You don't know that about anybody on this forum. You have to take things at face value, and in this case, I would say that if the counsellor deemed it enough to call cas it was pretty serious. What about the kids' rights here?
This is what happens outside of the world of divorce in a similar situation

YMCA issues apology over camper's sunburn - Brockville Recorder and Times - Ontario, CA

As you can see it is taken pretty seriously, whether you agree or not.

Now I don't know either what exactly the op is asking or why she is posting it. If I was concerned about my child I would do something about it, not ask for validation on the internet.
Pokeman I feel for your situation but not every dad is like you. Dad knew he had a sunburn, forced him to sleep on the ground so he could have the comfy bed, and basically called him a sissy when he complained. I wouldn't think he'd be much inclined to take care of him. Kudos to dads like you but not all dads are, just like some women are terrible mothers.