how to handle sticky situation??

[standing on the sidelines]

k i am seeing a man who has a child with a former gf. They have done all the CS and access stuff years ago. I am only the second woman he has dated since they split over three years ago. He works shift worNk and gets his daughter ever other weekend so we meet up when he doesnt have his daughter. We have been seeing each other for a while now and it is really working out well between us so far, that is until yesterday.

It wasnt he weekend for access but being fathers day today I knew that we would have only one day together out of two weeks. At the start his daughter was going to be there the next day, then she changed it to 9pm on Sat. night so she would not have to get up early today. Well yesterday at 6:30 his doorbell rang and then there was a horrible banging on the door, it sounded like whoever it was was kicking the door down. Turns out it was his daughter. He asked what she was doing there as it wasn't 9pm yet. She is 10 years old and she has seen my car and knows of me, we just havent met yet. She was quite angry and he did tell her to go back home with her mother. There was no phone call changing the time her mother just drove her over at her daughters request.

As it turns out his daughter saw my car and decided that she wanted to meet me that night. Neither he nor I are ready for that yet. We are pretty sure that what is between us will last for a while but he doesnt want to have a revolving door of women in his kids life. His ex moved from his place with the daughter right into a place with her supposed "friend" who she married and has already divorced.

How should we handle this? His daughter is a very curious child and wants to meet me and is really getting upset because it just isnt the right time yet. It will be happening in the future but both he and I want to wait a bit longer for it. He had a serious talk with her today about his right to have someone in his life and have a personal life. She seems okay about yesterday just hates the waiting. Any advice??

[Gary M]

I say meet.

Whether or not one's kid(s) get along with one's partner is a big part of the decision that inevitably must be made about staying together and/or taking the next step.

Two women in three years ain't exactly a "revolving door."

This is just my opinion, and it is worth exactly what you pay for it and no more.... But forget the artificial delay and just meet for cryin' out loud!

Cheers!

Gary

[standing on the sidelines]

thanks for the response, i need all the help i can get on this.


he and i have only been seeing each other since March of this year. When is it too early or when is the right time? He says she is mature for her age and feels that the time should be soon.

I dont want her to feel like im an intruder on her time with her father, so I told him already that the weekends he has her will still be their weekends alone and we should let her decide for right now if she wants me to spend time with both of them on their weekends. He feels like it should not be an issue and he wants me there to hang out with them. Not saying that I would mind it but how much say should she have?? This is new to me and any advice on how to do this would help me out.

[wretchedotis]

Sometimes whats best for Dad (or Mom) is also whats best for the child.

Sometimes you have to put aside short term discomfort that the child may experience for the long term greater good of the situation.

I think at 10 she better start understanding that her parents are over very soon, if she hasn't figured it out already. Totally reasonable for her to meet daddy's new girlfriend.

[standing on the sidelines]

thanks for the advice.

[Gary M]

he and i have only been seeing each other since March of this year.

If you're still together after 3 or so months, the outlook for long-term looks pretty good - I still say that it's time to see how that part of your relationship (and make no mistake: it will be an intergral and important part of your relationship) works out.

Time for the 3 of you to have lunch

Cheers!

Gary

[Mess]

I totally relate to what you say about not wanting a revolving door, I have been very much the same way.

That said, it is about the kids, and if she is banging on the door wanting to meet you, then she is ready for it.

That said, I totally relate to how uncomfortable it would have been that day without warning.

But I think you should arrange something soon, like a lunch date or something similar.