Joint Physical Custody: Smart Solution or Problematic Plan?

[standing on the sidelines]

so you have had 4 different kids by three different mothers?? Hmm baldclub called his exs bf with 5 kids by 4 woman (i think) a douchbag. Wonder what that makes you then?? Seriously, dont use the excuse you have no money because of the two little ones, you knew your obligations.

instead of asking if i am on crack maybe reread the post. Even when pointed out to you by hadenough you were wrong you have the nerve to say


"Thanks hadenough, let's hope you aren't wrong on this one"

instead of re-reading and saying sorry that you didnt read the post properly. Maybe you are the one on crack. Yes I am offended by the crack comment. I do not do drugs and when someone says something like that to me it pisses me off.

[murphyslaw]

I see where working dad is going with this, in regard to his situation.With high conflict individuals it pays to look at things from every angle and every point.Nobody wants to go through what Stephan Watkins is going through just because a judge screwed up and failed to comprehend the big picture.

Met a woman the other day who said she had been doing supervised visitation for 6yrs.If that's what it takes to make sure a child is safe then so be it.We made huge mistakes in getting involved with these people but no child should have to pay for it.The safety of the child should always be paramount.Of course this situation doesn't apply to those who haven't beaten their kids ,planned to abduct them or /and are truckloads of crazy.Family law should never be a one size fits all, package deal anyway.

[Rioe]

Somebody's ex's boyfriend is the douchebag. I've lost track whose if it wasn't yours. Too many degrees of douchebag separation here.

[baldclub]

BC. I might be wrong b/c I've been wrong before but I don't think SOS was referring to you!!

Hahahahahaha!

Thanks hadenough, let's hope you aren't wrong on this one! Sorry SOS, please accept my apologies!

[hadenough]

BC. I might be wrong b/c I've been wrong before but I don't think SOS was referring to you!!

[baldclub]

so you have had 4 different kids by three different mothers?? Hmm baldclub called his exs bf with 5 kids by 4 woman (i think) a douchbag. Wonder what that makes you then?? Seriously, dont use the excuse you have no money because of the two little ones, you knew your obligations.

Are you on crack? I have three kids with one woman.

[standing on the sidelines]

so you have had 4 different kids by three different mothers?? Hmm baldclub called his exs bf with 5 kids by 4 woman (i think) a douchbag. Wonder what that makes you then?? Seriously, dont use the excuse you have no money because of the two little ones, you knew your obligations.

[baldclub]

Some mothers are crack addicts. Other mothers drown their babies. But of course it is fathers who are "sometimes unprepared". If a father is unprepared, they will learn quickly the same way the mother did. Women don't get college degrees in childcare before they get pregnant.

Priceless!

[Pynklipz]

That's the thing...I've ALWAYS allowed her to take him whenever she's wanted during my time. For the past 5 yrs, he's vacationed with her every summer. Honestly, I can't even afford to fly him anywhere. We drive for weekend getaways when we can.

We actually live within reasonable distance. The agreement was she'd have him the first and last week of the summer so she could take him to visit her family. It quickly morphed into her having him a week or two in addition to that. When she decided she'd threaten to call the police at the end of last summer after I agreed to her having additional time with him, I decided I'd had enough and we'd go back to our original agreement. She called me around Christmas and said she wanted to change the summer visitation and I agreed (even though I swore I wouldn't change it again). I asked for July since my older son visits in July and she could have August. She agreed but called in April to ask if she could have the last two weeks of July to take him to visit her family. I put my foot down and said no. I'm sick of this...he's 13 and I don't want to constantly have to compromise to accommodate her wishes. I make ALL of my plans with him EOW for the entire year and within MY time during the summer. I don't think I'm being unreasonable. I've given into her every wish and she still is taking me to court!!!

At this point, I really try to minimize contact with her. I want to see my kid and pay my support...that's all. She insists she should be able to come to my home to pick-up/drop-off during his summer visits with me when we've met down the street for the past 5 yrs...not good enough anymore. She wants to come on my driveway or have police enforcement wherever we agree is a neutral location (which she put in the court papers). This is why she threatened to call the police (which she didn't), I refused to allow her to come to my home. We've been apart for over 10 years, I've been married for over 7 years now, have 2 younger boys and she still acts like a scorned lover. I just want her to leave me alone!

[Rioe]

I'm thinking of filing for shared custody in my response to my ex's motion to change. She wanted to take our 13 yr old son on vacation during my time and I refused since she threatened to call the police on my last summer. She wanted to change the pick-up location and I refused so she passed empty threats of the cops. She picked him up without incident but I decided to stop agreeing to her 'changes' every summer and stand firm to my time with my son. She served me for increased support (which I can't afford with another ex I pay child support to, 2 little ones and a retired mother at home).

I'm thinking of filing for shared custody to reduce the support. My son already has his space at my house. He comes every 2 wks and all summer. She wants more time in the summer and flexibility for her trips.

Thoughts? Advice?

I know you consider the entire summer your time, but when else is she supposed to take her own child on vacation? A boy deserves a summer holiday with his mom too. But I would get some concessions from her in return, such as more access during March Break and Christmas maybe. I'm guessing you don't live close to her if he's with you all summer. Maybe agree to change the court order so she gets two weeks of the summer, but has to let you know when those two weeks are going to be by a certain date, and pays all associated costs.

Honestly, it will probably only be for a couple of years. Soon, he'll be wanting a summer job and won't be able to go off on holidays with her.

[dinkyface]

Asking for Shared Custody in response to her wanting some summer time with the kids doesn't look so good on you.
Asking for Shared Custody to save money also does not look so good on you (don't even THINK about giving that reason in court!).

I'm not saying that you are wrong to want Shared Custody, but, why not start with looking at how to accomodate her desire for some vacation time in summer. That seems like an entirely reasonable request.

Typically you would agree that each parent gets so many weeks each summer, and you get first choice of weeks one year, then she gets first pick the next year (or come up with some other decision-making mechanism to make the coordination easier).

The fact that she has shown some annoying behaviour is not grounds for ignoring her summer time request (or countering with your own 50-50 request).

If her CS request is within the CS guidelines, there's not much you can do about it. You could try to claim 'undue hardship' (look it up), but from what I hear, this is rarely successful. If it's above the guidelines, then tell her to get stuffed.

It sounds like you can do some bargaining though on the time split i.e. I'll give you 4 exta weeks in summer, and you give me <??> in return. Asking for 50-50 time in return is not in the same league - if you are asking for this, it is a completely separate battle.

[Pynklipz]

I'm thinking of filing for shared custody in my response to my ex's motion to change. She wanted to take our 13 yr old son on vacation during my time and I refused since she threatened to call the police on my last summer. She wanted to change the pick-up location and I refused so she passed empty threats of the cops. She picked him up without incident but I decided to stop agreeing to her 'changes' every summer and stand firm to my time with my son. She served me for increased support (which I can't afford with another ex I pay child support to, 2 little ones and a retired mother at home).

I'm thinking of filing for shared custody to reduce the support. My son already has his space at my house. He comes every 2 wks and all summer. She wants more time in the summer and flexibility for her trips.

Thoughts? Advice?

[Pynklipz]

The judicial system is not set up to encourage the best interest of the child. It sides with the custodial parent assuming they always have the child's best interest in mind when we all know that's not always the case. I think the new law in the UK is perfect...let father's sign off their parental rights/obligations as soon as she says she pregnant...you'd see less women having children.

...go!

[fireweb13]

Same thing, my ex was much closer to her dad.

[WorkingDAD]

I understand. I was doing lot's of research on this subject myself. People (men or women) who are against shared custody, their best argument is child/rens stability. They call it bouncing from home to home, different rules or discipline in each home, child feels insecure and so on.

Here is something funny. When I was with my ex she always told me # of times that she loves her father much more than her mom. I even noticed that she paid much more respect to him than to her mom.

Now, when she argues with me that moms are the more important parents and so on, I ask how come she loves her dad more than her mom. She says she doesn't

I have the same situation. I MEAN EXACTLY THE SAME (about "loves her father much more than her mom")

It's not even funny anymore ))