I am not sure what to call this thread but needed to get it all out...sorry all, for it shall be a vent, a whine, a distaste...a bitter disappointment in the end.
My goal was to start a non-profit legal clinic...a bind between legal aid and lawyers' fees...to allow everyone, regardless of circumstance, access to decent legal advice and court service...it was a dream that started 10 years ago when I began the long trek through the minefield of canadian family law...and it was buried this week.
Each year, my spouse and I spend between 10-20K on legal fees for the negotiation of 4 weeks of access with his child. Each year he pays over 15K in child support. Each year I recieve 2.5K in child support from my ex.
Last year, during those 4 weeks, I was told by my stepchild that more access is desired. "Christmas, Easter, March Break and the WHOLE summer!!" Now, the message via telephone is that there will be no further visits, and the 9-yr-old states, "Mommy says I don't have to!"
I, in frustration with "Mommy" have walked away as a stepparent, not to hurt, but to protect...seems Mommy gets pissy any time I am involved, and takes it out on my stepchild, yelling and berating, creating conflicting loyalties...report it! you say? Take her to court! you say? Nope, I cannot...that is my spouse's decision, and he is too afraid of what the courts and his ex have already done to him to fight further...so we give up.
I am not a quitter...I fight for childrens' and parents' rights...but I just quit...I cannot do this any longer and stay sane.
I am tired of the inequality in our system, am tired of every moment as a family being after acrimonious battles for a minimum of 6 months...I am ready to walk away from it all, for a stress and emotionally pain-free environment...one simple day without parents using their kids...that is all I ever asked for...yet thousands of people here in Canada do it daily, and can convince themselves that it is not for selfish reasons, it is not out of spite for the ex, it is in the child's best interest...and I think I have been dealing with too many of them in recent years...
I don't know how you all do it, but I think I am done doing it. I need to hear some of the positive outcomes!
My goal was to start a non-profit legal clinic...a bind between legal aid and lawyers' fees...to allow everyone, regardless of circumstance, access to decent legal advice and court service...it was a dream that started 10 years ago when I began the long trek through the minefield of canadian family law...and it was buried this week.
Each year, my spouse and I spend between 10-20K on legal fees for the negotiation of 4 weeks of access with his child. Each year he pays over 15K in child support. Each year I recieve 2.5K in child support from my ex.
Last year, during those 4 weeks, I was told by my stepchild that more access is desired. "Christmas, Easter, March Break and the WHOLE summer!!" Now, the message via telephone is that there will be no further visits, and the 9-yr-old states, "Mommy says I don't have to!"
I, in frustration with "Mommy" have walked away as a stepparent, not to hurt, but to protect...seems Mommy gets pissy any time I am involved, and takes it out on my stepchild, yelling and berating, creating conflicting loyalties...report it! you say? Take her to court! you say? Nope, I cannot...that is my spouse's decision, and he is too afraid of what the courts and his ex have already done to him to fight further...so we give up.
I am not a quitter...I fight for childrens' and parents' rights...but I just quit...I cannot do this any longer and stay sane.
I am tired of the inequality in our system, am tired of every moment as a family being after acrimonious battles for a minimum of 6 months...I am ready to walk away from it all, for a stress and emotionally pain-free environment...one simple day without parents using their kids...that is all I ever asked for...yet thousands of people here in Canada do it daily, and can convince themselves that it is not for selfish reasons, it is not out of spite for the ex, it is in the child's best interest...and I think I have been dealing with too many of them in recent years...
I don't know how you all do it, but I think I am done doing it. I need to hear some of the positive outcomes!
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