Dead Beat Gamer!!!

[court]

My ex, who I unfortunately still live with until January, and I have a 4 year old daughter. During our 8 years together he had and still does have a very sick addiction to PlayStation 3 online gaming. He does it so much that it destroyed our relationship and continues to destroy his relationship with our little girl.
When I leave to shop or do whatever and leave her with him, he sends her to her room and plays online and completely ignores her.
I orignally wanted Joint Custody but now I'm thinking Sole might be the best way to go. I really want him to spend as much time with her as he would like but I don't want him having 50% of the decision making rights regarding her health and well being.
He hasn't given a S**t about her for 4 years and since he is such a controlling and abusive man with me, I'm afraid that he will try to control my life still by having half of the control of hers. He is that vindictive! I talked to him about Sole Custody and he flat out refuses, yet he doesn't want to live with her, he wants me to live with her so that he can be a bachelor. He actually just asked me tonight why I was punishing him by going away this weekend and leaving her with him.
I have been keeping a diary of the abuse and just yesterday he told her i was a white trash whore and to never turn out like me.
Is this a man that should have 50% of rights for his kid? A man that says this sort of thing to a 4 year old?
If I decide that I want to take her to Mexico this winter, can he say NO if we have Joint Custody? I know he will try because he won't want me having any fun in Mexico. I want Sole Custody because frankly I think he's a little off his rocker and I am a superbly loving parent. I want all decision making rights. I don't want to take her away from him, I desperately want them to have a relationship. I grew up without a father and know how crappy that can be. I just don't want him to have a hold on me anymore.
Am I being selfish? He has just controlled me for so long (my own fault, I know) that I just need to break all ties in that regard. Give it to me straight people! I love brutal honesty.

[blinkandimgone]

Sounds like he does indeed have all the classic signs of an addict. Have you seen this site?

GamerWidow.com Widow’s Corner

[court]

Oh my gosh! No! I have not seen that site, thank you!!!!! I'm not crazy! LOL

[logicalvelocity]

or they could have this addiction in lieu, with similar result:

Facebook Addiction Disorder (FAD) - A New Challenge?

[dadtotheend]

It also sounds like you have a lot of pent up anger. Have you received any counselling to give you a vent and to let out your frustrations?

[court]

Actually, Yes. I do see a councilor. I see her bi-weekly. I believe in talk therapy. It sure does help.
I do have a little anger towards him, not as much as I used to. I am mostly indifferent these days with my feelings towards him. I am really nervous though that he will be able to control my life by sharing Joint Custody wtih me. I need to get out of his clutches so that I can move on and reclaim my life again.
I just can't tolerate how he treats our daughter. It makes me so upset.
How does a judge award Sole Custody to a parent? Does the other parent need to be abusive? This is what I'm trying to figure out here....

[Pharah]

court: I have had a similar experience with my ex and world of warcraft however there seems to be differing opinions on what constitutes neglect. In my opinion, ignoring a child may be neglect, however it is not necessarily a safety issue.

The courts are not normally willing to give sole custody unless you can prove that there is a safety concern or that you have been providing primary care with implied consent and have established 'status quo'.

[dadtotheend]

How does a judge award Sole Custody to a parent?

Child Custody in Canada

Do a google search on custody. It's out there all over the place.

[court]

Child Custody in Canada

Do a google search on custody. It's out there all over the place.

You're right. I just wanted to talk to others that may have had the same experience. I'll figure it out. Thank you.

[court]

court: I have had a similar experience with my ex and world of warcraft however there seems to be differing opinions on what constitutes neglect. In my opinion, ignoring a child may be neglect, however it is not necessarily a safety issue.

The courts are not normally willing to give sole custody unless you can prove that there is a safety concern or that you have been providing primary care with implied consent and have established 'status quo'.

She is safe with him, he just ignores her and is very impatient with her. It just saddens me and when I leave her alone with him I feel so guilty

[dadtotheend]

So she is physically safe but not emotionally safe? Emotional bonds with parents are huge determinants of custody.

[NBDad]

During our 8 years together he had and still does have a very sick addiction to PlayStation 3 online gaming. He does it so much that it destroyed our relationship and continues to destroy his relationship with our little girl.

Playstation 3 hasn't been around for 8 years. Be careful with this kind of thing. You have to make sure your statement of facts are accurate.

If I decide that I want to take her to Mexico this winter, can he say NO if we have Joint Custody

He can say no without Joint. Of course, he has to have a reason to, otherwise it's being "unreasonably withheld" and he'll get his fingers rapped by the courts.

From the day you separate, legally he has joint custody with 50-50 physical. So do you. Until a court decides otherwise.

[anotherSTEPmother]

I would get his writing in consent now, even send him an email asking. If he says no or does not respond get a court order for the trip. BTW even if you have sole, you will likely need his consent to take her out of the country depending on the wording of the order.

[court]

Playstation 3 hasn't been around for 8 years. Be careful with this kind of thing. You have to make sure your statement of facts are accurate.

You are right, it hasn't been around for 8 years, it started with the original PS, upgraded to PS2 and then upgraded to PS3. Thanks for the tip. I will be more accurate! We do have all the gaming consoles unfortunately.

"So she is physically safe but not emotionally safe? Emotional bonds with parents are huge determinants of custody."

Right dadtothend, she is not emotionally safe. She won't be until I take her out of this home. Thanks for mentioning that.

[dadtotheend]

You better be careful. You are making very strong statements when you use words like "deadbeat" and you say that you want to remove him from the father's home.

You need to find a way to protect your kid while preserving the child's access to the father. As it stands, it won't be too tough to turn your language into a character attack which has a good chance to backfire on you.

Your concerns may well be valid, but if I was the judge hearing the way you describe things I'm not sure I would be convinced that you are being reasonable.