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Walking in a mine field....

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  • Walking in a mine field....

    I am in a common-law relationship with a man who never wanted a child. Here it is 4 years after our child has been born and he never really spends any time with her, he would rather sleep or play his playstation. After 8 years of being together we have finally called it quits. I unfortunately am living here until January but have my own room and am dealing quite well. He on the other hand is angry and volatile. I walk on egg shells trying to keep the peace until I can get out of here in Jan. I plan to take my 4 year old with me and he has agreed that it is the best solution.
    However, the last few days he has been very resentful of me and I'm afraid that come January he will change his mind and not want me to take her. This will be unacceptable for me because she needs to be with me. I have been the one that has taken care of her every day since the day she was born.
    My question is this. What do I need to have in place so that he can't change his mind and decide that he wants her. I am okay with Joint Custody, I want her to be in his life and vice versa, but I am afraid he will try to keep her just to hurt me. He doesn't want to be a parent and he has made that bloody obvious from the first day she came into our lives. Do I go for sole custody? Do I get a written agreement and have him sign it right now before he changes his mind later?
    I am trying not to disturb the somewhat peaceful and amicable breakup we are going through just because I have to live with him for two more months, so I don't want to get lawyers etc....involve, that will just make him blow and living here will be brutal for everyone involved. He's a ticking time bomb. I wish I could leave right now but circumstances have me here until Jan unfortunately.
    Sorry if this is repetitive, I'm frustrated and a little scared after another massive blow up this morning. I don't think he will be very agreeable once he sees me packing my moving truck.

  • #2
    Nothing. He is entitled to be a parent, and if he changes his mind and puts the effort in to actually BE a good parent, then why would you want to stop it. No signed peice of paper and even no court order can guarantee that you will always have sole custody.

    Just so you know, currently you have joint custody. Yes, you may care for the child, but he has custody just as much as you do.

    I know how you are feeling, but you have to look at this from your child's perspective. Do you really think that having a father who is a visitor in your life twice a month is actually good for a child? Isn't it better to have two parents loving you and caring for you>

    I say this because just over a year ago I stood in your shoes, with a husband who sat on his butt in the garage all night. As hard as it was for me, he got the chance to become the father he hadn't been, and I will admit that he's done a decent job. My child may be sad that her parents aren't together anymore, but she has not lost anything, in fact she's gained a father.

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    • #3
      Originally posted by court View Post
      I'm frustrated and a little scared after another massHe's a ticking time bomb. I wish I could leave right now but circumstances have me here until Jan unfortunately.
      I agree with billie above.

      But if what you wrote about the ticking time bomb is true and not something you wrote in an emotional moment then you need to leave yesterday.
      Last edited by dadtotheend; 11-04-2010, 03:43 PM.

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      • #4
        yes, if you are worried for your safety (and/or your child's) Please pack the child up and go. There are certain things that you need to do if this is the case.

        If you do think your safety is at risk, you can contact a women's shelter to help you make a safety plan, whether you go or not.

        Good Luck.

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        • #5
          Oh, I didn't mean 'ticking time bomb' to come across as him being abusive to us. Just.........maybe it was the wrong word. He is just soooooo mad at me and some days he is nice and some days he is not. Somedays we start off great but then he'll come home from work in a grumpy ass mood and he storms around the house like an asshole. He is very good with my girl when he isn't watching tv or playing games.
          I went to speak with a family lawyer today just to get some information and I think I didn't really understand what custody really means. I thought joint custody meant she lived with each of us part time and sole custody meant she lived with me full time. I was wrong. I definitely want joint custody. I grew up without a father and do not want that for my daughter. I want him to see her as much as he wants to or can. I just want her living with me, I want to be the primary caregiver, as that is the best place for her to be full time.
          So I am now informed and that is a good place to be Thank you for the feedback. This forum is fabulous!

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