My ex and I have no written agreement yet, still in process. We had a verbal agreement at a settlement conference to try our 6 yr old at public school (previously homeschooled) but our 4 yr old could wait another year or two. While they were with him he enrolled our 4 yr old in JK, unbeknownst to me. This week our 4 yr old says his dad is going to make him go to school tomorrow, but he does not want to go. I tried to talk to the principal about requiring both our signatures on the enrollment but I don't think she spoke with him and he will try to fight it. I am more than willing to continue homeschooling instead of forcing our kids to learn where they are unhappy. What do I do until we see a courtroom, could be months....
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What is wrong with school? Most kids go to school, and nothing bad happens to them, and in fact they grow up to be productive members of society.
What I see is you want to continue to have the kids with you every day. Dad wants to have space and raise his kids when he has them. I think he would have a good argument to ensure the kids continue to school instead of letting you home school.
Are you a teacher? University educated?
Why do you not work? Don't you think you have a responsibility to work and support yourself? You are no longer married, and therefore have an obligation to become self sufficient.
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I have a University degree. Our children have been homeschooled up until this point. I believe that children learn best when they are enjoying their learning. They are both unhappy with this change and I feel their education is actually being stifled by their unhappiness. Our 6 yr old reads at a grade 3 level thanks to homeschooling. And what sort of consistency is provided when there is such a divide in parenting beliefs? How does that affect children? Do they not have a voice? And why should he, all of a sudden, be making decisions he never made before, without even trying to discuss it with me or through an appropriate third party?
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Your kids are young, and they probably tell dad they love school. It is unfortunate that kids often parrot what the parents want to hear.
It is great that your son reads at a grade 3 level. Both my kids are having problems and unfortunately I can't do much about it, as much of the problems are due to emotional issues from the divorce I think.
But because your kids are so young, you don't have much history to claim tht your ex is doing things that he never did before. You were never split up before either. Things change, and schooling issues are one of them. If you don't like it, you should try to either work things out with him, or get ready to fight long and hard.
Do you work?
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Have they been to school before or for any length of time? Do they know they're unhappy there from experience or just from a fear of change? What is it that they're unhappy about? Being so young, the children really don't have a voice in all of it - they're far too young to be given such a big decision to make and now to have to choose between what mom and dad's wishes would be very stressful for the children and they shouldn't be put in that position.
I agree dad should have spoken with you about it before deciding but have you spoken about it since then and has he told you why he chose to put them in school? He has a right to make decisions for the children as well but the two of you really do need to come to an agreement about how such decisions will be made if you both adamently disagree.
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Workschooling
mumma mudfoot has been asked if she works, or why doesn't she work. In her original post she states that she is homeschooling. Objection! question asked, and answered.
Tell me what job is more important than teaching your own kids? A loving parent is the most qualified teacher a child can have because it is not about how much the teacher knows, it is about how the child learns. And who knows your child best? Homeschooling has proven itself as a legitimate form of education-look up some research on it. At the very least...the dropout rate is extremely low. And trust me, although it is richly rewarding and emotionally satisfying for both parent and child-it is still work!
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Originally posted by skylarkmontana View Postmumma mudfoot has been asked if she works, or why doesn't she work. In her original post she states that she is homeschooling. Objection! question asked, and answered.
Tell me what job is more important than teaching your own kids? A loving parent is the most qualified teacher a child can have because it is not about how much the teacher knows, it is about how the child learns. And who knows your child best? Homeschooling has proven itself as a legitimate form of education-look up some research on it. At the very least...the dropout rate is extremely low. And trust me, although it is richly rewarding and emotionally satisfying for both parent and child-it is still work!
I'm sure if you asked the father in this situation if he thought the mother homeschooling was a job, or an excuse to stay home, I am sure I know what he would say. That I am sure is why he put the kid in school. If he has his access to the child, he does not want to share that with the mother. Unfortunate, but I am not sure what else is going on there.
What would have been ideal in a marriage does not work post divorce. We all got to adapt. Home schooling does not put food on the table. and the NCP should not be forced to support the CP for this, unless there was some history of this during the marriage. What we got here is 2 young children. The oldest is 6. Not enough to set a status quo. Would be different if they were like that family on TV 18 and counting.
Both spouses have an obligation to support themselves. That is what my question about work was getting at. I am certain that a judge will also agree. There is no free ride.
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I agree with some of your points. I personally am just starting to accept the fact that lots of important things change post divorce. And I do agree that both spouses (if all factors equal) have an obligation to either support themselves or accept a lower standard of living to achieve their ideals. However, I am sensing some bitterness when you end the post with "there is no free ride". Mind you, my own bias comes to play as well....My ex truly believes that he is the only one of us that works-for him, that is 40 hours a week. While I average only about 15 hours a week but take care of four kids-one has a pervasive developmental disability another has autism. He wants no contact with them because he finds it stressful to parent them and work full time. He pays bare minimum in CS and doesn't think he should pay any part of section 7. But since he has moved out his standard of living has exploded-a giant 2 bedroom apartment??? Electronics, parties, and numerous other shopping sprees. Result-my daughter doesn't get a support worker to help her take a ballet class. Something she always had before. And yes, we are going to court soon. And the whole time he keeps telling me my "free ride" is over and I have to work full time. Did I mention she only goes to school half days SK. And that it would cost me more in day care for her, and one of her siblings, than I would make to work anymore hours. ooops....I am clearly sensing my own bitterness creeping/barging in here. I guess I would just like the concept of free ride quantified.
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Well I can tell you do not have a free ride. I have enough problem looking after my two normal kids.
All I can say about your ex, is he will find out soon enough what responsibility is all about. Is he paying guideline support? Have you had the section 7 issues before a judge? If your daughter always had ballet, and an support worker, then I think you should have a good argument for this to continue.
Document everything. Did you have discoveries yet?
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Originally posted by mumma mudfoot View PostThey are both unhappy with this change and I feel their education is actually being stifled by their unhappiness.Our 6 yr old reads at a grade 3 level thanks to homeschooling.And what sort of consistency is provided when there is such a divide in parenting beliefs?How does that affect children?Do they not have a voice?And why should he, all of a sudden, be making decisions he never made before, without even trying to discuss it with me or through an appropriate third party?
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Originally posted by skylarkmontana View Postmumma mudfoot has been asked if she works, or why doesn't she work. In her original post she states that she is homeschooling. Objection! question asked, and answered.
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Homeschooling does not mean schooling only in the home, alone. We have always participated in many group educational activities, many social learning activities and both children are very social, cooperative both with their peer group and even with people of all ages! My oldest was thriving learning "at home" and was always eager for more. Now he needs outside incentive, like the chance to "play cooperatively with his peers". I do not believe that there is an age when a person first has a voice regarding their feelings about things that affect their person. If my child did not want to do math at home, I would say okay we can do something else right now, but when would you like to do our math studies? There is always a choice. If the options are provided by the caregiver the children will learn to make a decision from the options available. What do you teach them when you say this is the only option, regardless of how you feel about it? I wouldn't have a problem with them attending public school if they were telling me they were enjoying it, or even progressing towards enjoying it. I always speak supportively to them when we discuss school. I try to tell them it is fun, they will make new friends, it will get easier. But I do not think I would be doing my children justice to hear them beg not to go and say well when you are old enough to have a voice, we can talk about it. Unfortunately my ex, who by the way is abusive and controlling in many facets of our relationship, knows that until the court process moves ahead he can do as he pleases without any communication to me. I should just let him? I am pursuing all the legal avenues possible, but it still takes time. Just don't want to mess the kids up until then. I guess that means just doing whatever he decides?
By the way I am self employed and moonlight from my job as a mother.
Thanks to Skylarkmontana for seeing outside the box.
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Originally posted by mumma mudfoot View PostUnfortunately my ex, who by the way is abusive and controlling in many facets of our relationship, knows that until the court process moves ahead he can do as he pleases without any communication to me. I should just let him? I am pursuing all the legal avenues possible, but it still takes time. Just don't want to mess the kids up until then. I guess that means just doing whatever he decides?
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How would you feel if the roles were reversed? The father has a right to question if you are doing what you can to support yourself. You may end up having to explain yourself to a judge, and I think you have totally missed the point.
You no longer have the choice of "to home school or not to home school".
If you want to home school your children when you are in an intact marriage, then all the power to you and that is great for your kids. But you are not able to continue to have that privalage post marriage, and are required to become self sufficient, and earn to your potential, or face having your income imputed.
If you are able to do that and home school, then maybe you have an argument for home schooling.
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Originally posted by mumma mudfoot View PostI do not believe that there is an age when a person first has a voice regarding their feelings about things that affect their person.
Huh? I do. It is called infancy, when they cry because that is how they communicate, to be fed, to be changed, to be burped, to be held and cuddled and loved...and this continues throughout their life.
If my child did not want to do math at home, I would say okay we can do something else right now, but when would you like to do our math studies? There is always a choice.
Children need structure and routine, especially at a time of familial upheaval. I agree that different children have different learning styles and preferences, but now more than ever, they also need boundaries.
What do you teach them when you say this is the only option, regardless of how you feel about it?
You teach them that you are the parent, discuss how they feel, but realise that you have a role to be the one(s) making those choices, not your 4 and 6 year olds! To do otherwise has been proven through numerous studies to be detrimental to a child's development.
I wouldn't have a problem with them attending public school if they were telling me they were enjoying it, or even progressing towards enjoying it.
After 2 weeks, your 4 yr old will not always enjoy it, nor will your 6 yr old. A neighbour of mine put her son on the school bus every day in tears for the almost the entire year through Kindergarten...but rather than allowing the child to choose, she parented responsibly. You think that was easy for her to do? Watch him in tears, each and every morning? This year, he is in grade 1, and he happily looks forward to the bus coming...
School is a transition for children. They are moving towards independance, and maturing, and it is normal for them to be apprehensive and worried and afraid...it is your role, as a parent, to work through those emotions with your child so they can understand why they are feeling, and can communicate it effectively.
I always speak supportively to them when we discuss school. I try to tell them it is fun, they will make new friends, it will get easier.
I try to tell them?
But I do not think I would be doing my children justice to hear them beg not to go and say well when you are old enough to have a voice, we can talk about it.
You would be doing your children justice if you encouraged it as a new learning environment, a new opportunity for them...not by confusing them by thinking things will change when they are older or that they have a voice in the matter...this is a parent issue, not a child issue.
Unfortunately my ex, who by the way is abusive and controlling in many facets of our relationship, knows that until the court process moves ahead he can do as he pleases without any communication to me. I should just let him? I am pursuing all the legal avenues possible, but it still takes time. Just don't want to mess the kids up until then. I guess that means just doing whatever he decides?
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