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There was a discussion about custody schedules a little while ago, but I didn't want to keep hijacking the thread to discuss it. My kids are 3½, and my ex and share custody as close to 50/50 as possible. I've proposed a week on/week off schedule to her, and she has flat out said no.
My kids live 1½ hours away on the best of days, which becomes 3 hours when I'm picking them up after work mid-week. Their mother usually has them for 3-4 days, then I have them for 3-4 days, so that adds up to a lot of driving each week (7½ hours/wk for me, 3½ hours/wk for the kids).
I'm becoming weary of this arrangement, especially since I do 100% of the driving. Their mother says I chose to live this far away, which isn't exactly true (long story), so she says that's my problem. Even if she took on 25% of the driving, that would be a huge relief, but she doesn't work and therefore doesn't have her car registered or insured. But my convenience and expenses aren't the only factor here. Since I started working a later shift, driving down to pick up the kids takes a lot longer due to traffic, and by the time I get them home, it's around 10:00pm.
I'm not sure it's best for my kids to be constantly moving back and forth as often as they have been, although I can't really find any evidence either way. It's a lot of driving for them as well, which isn't the end of the world, but it's another factor.
And finally, another consideration is my babysitter, a member of the family. They've shared that they're feeling very worn out with the current schedule, and they also expressed curiosity over a week on/week off schedule (they feel that having a week off would work better for whatever reason). I could always go with a paid babysitter, but to be honest, I don't make a lot of money, and my ex isn't going to be interested in sharing the cost of child care. (Especially when she says she can babysit them, which she can because she sits at home collecting social assistance, but that would mean I'd only see them on weekends.)
It's very minor, but having some Saturdays off (I currently have my kids every Saturday), and being able to cut my gas expenses in half would be nice. I've so far not made an issue of either of them, because I've been trying to be as peaceful and amicable as possible from the beginning, but I don't seem to be getting any pay-off for it.
I'd appreciate opinions and research about week on/week off schedules, whether in support or against. I'm really not sure if, at age 3½, it would be a bad thing or a good thing. I can see being away from a parent for a full week being potentially negative, but less shuffling and driving would be positive. If it can be shown that such an arrangement would be developmentally harmful, then I'll shelve the notion and find a way to deal with it.
My kids live 1½ hours away on the best of days, which becomes 3 hours when I'm picking them up after work mid-week. Their mother usually has them for 3-4 days, then I have them for 3-4 days, so that adds up to a lot of driving each week (7½ hours/wk for me, 3½ hours/wk for the kids).
I'm becoming weary of this arrangement, especially since I do 100% of the driving. Their mother says I chose to live this far away, which isn't exactly true (long story), so she says that's my problem. Even if she took on 25% of the driving, that would be a huge relief, but she doesn't work and therefore doesn't have her car registered or insured. But my convenience and expenses aren't the only factor here. Since I started working a later shift, driving down to pick up the kids takes a lot longer due to traffic, and by the time I get them home, it's around 10:00pm.
I'm not sure it's best for my kids to be constantly moving back and forth as often as they have been, although I can't really find any evidence either way. It's a lot of driving for them as well, which isn't the end of the world, but it's another factor.
And finally, another consideration is my babysitter, a member of the family. They've shared that they're feeling very worn out with the current schedule, and they also expressed curiosity over a week on/week off schedule (they feel that having a week off would work better for whatever reason). I could always go with a paid babysitter, but to be honest, I don't make a lot of money, and my ex isn't going to be interested in sharing the cost of child care. (Especially when she says she can babysit them, which she can because she sits at home collecting social assistance, but that would mean I'd only see them on weekends.)
It's very minor, but having some Saturdays off (I currently have my kids every Saturday), and being able to cut my gas expenses in half would be nice. I've so far not made an issue of either of them, because I've been trying to be as peaceful and amicable as possible from the beginning, but I don't seem to be getting any pay-off for it.
I'd appreciate opinions and research about week on/week off schedules, whether in support or against. I'm really not sure if, at age 3½, it would be a bad thing or a good thing. I can see being away from a parent for a full week being potentially negative, but less shuffling and driving would be positive. If it can be shown that such an arrangement would be developmentally harmful, then I'll shelve the notion and find a way to deal with it.
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