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  • communication book

    I was wanting to learn more about how to start a communication book with the ex. I know someone mentioned make sure to number the pages, what should I add? Where do I start? What kind of things to we need to add to the book? What should it contain? How successful is it?

  • #2
    Staples or other stationary store have log books with numbered pages. Some are reasonably priced. Walmart may also have similar as well.

    What to add - Anything concerning your child. Special Diet if applicable..medication requirements regarding all apts, sleep schedule... List is endless. One idea is to summarize your child's events weekly in point form.

    Hopefully, the other parent will participate in the communication book.


    • #3
      Currently our child is with the other parent only for a few hours each week so that might be their excuse to say there's nothing to write but I have no idea what else to do as there is no communicate right now between parents. Everyone just tells me take the child and leave as the ex can't understand not to discuss other matters during drop off and pick ups.


      • #4

        Says lots when they don't make entries concerning young children. Especially when it comes to medication needs/schedule etc. What would the entries "show" about your character.


        • #5
          Hi TUG

          I would advise to maintain a photocopy of the communication book.I had a log book for 2+ years and suddenly 6 weeks before the court date the ex refused to give it back.It had all the proofs that I never denied acess and always encouraged more time which he declined stating various reasons.Now he puts in the court papers that I have a history of abusing his access BUt thankgod I have a photocopy of each and every page


          • #6
            Hi Tug

            We initially used a communication book that went back and forth with both children. The information sharing was primarily on my side. I would keep it brief and document last feeding for the baby etc. But I didn't get very much information about the children from the Ex. He instead used the Communication Book to vent his bitterness and unhappiness about everything that was unrelated to the children's needs.

            Then we went though a period without the use of a communication book.

            We are now trying to resume some sort of communication regarding the children between the two homes using a check box system.
            Each parent simply needs to tick the boxes that apply. The information requested is no different to what you would get at a daycare. For example, any accidents, illnesses, fever etc, wherther medical treatment was sought (Yes/No), who were they seen by.

            So far ex has refused to respond to proposal. But I really think there needs to be some basic information that needs to be exchanged regarding the children. What if the child is ill and gets worse, you want to be able to give the physician a complete history of when they started feeling unwell etc.

            The use of a communication book depends all on your individual circumstances. I think parents of small children will find it very useful if used correctly. But as an earlier post indicated always keep a photocopy of each page as the book transfers from one home to the other.

            Last edited by Nadia; 07-16-2010, 10:09 PM.


            • #7
              My ex and I had a communication book for a while and it was fantastic. It was terrific for communicating upcoming school outings or birthday parties or just writing down fun things the kids said or did.

              Unfortunately, my ex got angry one day and it went 'missing'. My attempts to restart it have failed.


              • #8
                It seems he's not interested in emailing me back with any matters I have recently sent regarding our child, so now there is absolutely NO communication right now....... no response to my suggestion to mediation.
                How is this going to help him to get joint custody? I think he's just trying to prove that Im not co-operating with him so that's why I shouldn't keep sole custody.


                • #9
                  Originally posted by tugofwar View Post
                  It seems he's not interested in emailing me back with any matters I have recently sent regarding our child, so now there is absolutely NO communication right now....... no response to my suggestion to mediation.
                  How is this going to help him to get joint custody? I think he's just trying to prove that Im not co-operating with him so that's why I shouldn't keep sole custody.
                  It's not going to help him, that's for sure. You have tried, and that's evident. Email is great... and even the judge at our last court date told us that email is preferred in this day and age, or even text messaging. A communication book can too easily "go missing" and it's not the best idea to send it back and forth once the child is old enough to read the entries.

                  As long as you send informative emails and ask for a response, and follow up a few days if no response is needed asking when you can expect a response, it will show that you are trying to communicate. If there is a "read receipt" feature on your email, put it to work, this way, you will know whether or not the email was even opened by your ex.

                  I would suggest you set up a special email account just for this purpose.

                  If your ex won't co-operate, there is nothing you can do. Just keep him informed (to show your willingness to co-parent and good parenting on your part) via email and leave it at that.

                  Good luck to you.


                  • #10
                    Im just being alittle lazy i know i read it somewhere, but can someone offer me some book recommendations regarding child being raised in two different houses,different parenting styles, how to deal with uncooperative parent, how to deal with it? Or any other single parent forums other than this one?


                    • #11
                      Hi Tug,

                      I bought several books when we seperated. One that I found useful was by Isolina Ricca, called "Mom's House, Dad's House: Making Two Homes for your Child" (Simon & Schuster Press, 1997).



                      • #12
                        Hey thanks, that`s the one I was thinking of!
                        I have learned you can`t force a parent to be co-operative, (thanks to those patient posters who tried over and over to drill it in my head) so now I need to learn how to deal with it myself. Im alittle frustrated at having to discipline our child for things that may be acceptable at the other parents house and is not acceptable at mine. It`s really not child`s fault and feel guilty for doing it as child is still young and not understanding the difference. I feel like the bad parent sometimes
                        Last edited by tugofwar; 08-03-2010, 10:22 PM.


                        • #13

                          I have learned that you can only do so much as a parent in this situation.
                          Don't beat yourself up about it.

                          I used to beat myself up with guilt all the time. My little guy was only a couple of days when we separated and a few weeks old when the access schedule began. For example, he would come back with diaper rash and crying his heart out because he hadn't been burped before he was transported over to my home. Othertimes he would have to wake up half way through his nap in order to be transported from one home to the other. When he started overnights around the age of one, his ever so dilligent grandmother would wake him up at night every three hours to give him a bottle and change his diaper long after he had started sleeping through the night at my home. He'd be exhausted during the day.

                          But children can be very resiliant. He is now three years old and has a healthy relationship with both parents. Because he was so young when we separated, he knows no different. For him it is perfectly normal to go back and forth between two homes. He hasn't suffered any harm and in fact is doing very well emotionally, psychologically and physically.

                          Get the book, read it and let me know if it helps.


                          • #14
                            Thanks, Im in the same situation as our child doesn`t know any differently. We were not long enough together for her to have experienced her mom and dad as parents in a family setting. So in that sense I guess we are lucky and one less thing to worry about, well at least for now until she starts to ask questions
                            Last edited by tugofwar; 08-03-2010, 11:00 PM.


                            • #15
                              Tug of War,

                              I agree whole-heartedly with Nadia. Children are very resilient. Especially when they don't know any different. My stepson has been raised in a two-home/two-family atmosphere since his birth. (My husband and my stepson's mother were never in a relationship.) Just as he has adjusted to different rules and expectations at daycare, at school, and at various daycamps, he has also adjusted to different rules and expectations at his two homes. Just like adults who know what is appropriate and what isn't at work, at home, at our in-law's, etc., children adapt the same to their environments. You just have to make the rules and expectations in your environment very clear and hold your child accountable. I'm sure your daughter will thrive in all of her environments. If a communication book is too exhausting - which it had become for us - then a quick point form email or text message works too. We only used a communication book for a year before it got too tedious, and have used email ever since. Sometimes, when matters are important and time-sensitive, a text message is more appropriate, or a little note to hand to the other parent at pick-ups or drop-offs works too.

                              Good luck! I'm sure you're doing great!


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