A week about is too long not to see your children

[billiechic]

Hmmm, interesting. I have young kids as well (both 3), and currently we have a 4-3 arrangement. I'm finding that my kids can be very clingy when with me. The separation agreement I'm proposing says up to 1 week at a time, but your post has me thinking it's probably best to stay with a 4-3 (or 4-3-3-4) arrangement for the next few years, for the sake of the kids. What's your source for the 2-2-5-5 schedule?

http://www.albertacourts.ab.ca/famil...planissues.pdf


It's on page 5. They discuss several different arrangements, but this one is recommended particularly for younger children

[Elvis]

he is doing ALL the transporting for the visitation, that is what I meant. The OP doesn't do their share of pick up or drop offs and she did say the kids are far away. To me when there is a distance involved they should try and do it 50/50.

My ex insists on all drop off/pick ups. Last year I did it 90% of the time and this year she does it, often comes unannounced. She recently got her DL and says loves to drive but maybe I should do my part anyway and tell her to call before she shows up.

[standing on the sidelines]

How does that goes in his favour? Just wondering......

he is doing ALL the transporting for the visitation, that is what I meant. The OP doesn't do their share of pick up or drop offs and she did say the kids are far away. To me when there is a distance involved they should try and do it 50/50.

[logicalvelocity]

I always thought Transporting kids for their access to be a parenting responsibility much the same as transporting ones kids to medical/dental apts and other. I do it because I have to do it. So does the other parent.

[Elvis]

One thing that got me was that he picks up and the kids and drops them off. To me that is a point in his favour.

How does that goes in his favour? Just wondering......

[Mess]

We've been using pretty much a 2 day/2 day schedule with my youngest since separation, he was 3 then. I have him Saturday afternoons to Sunday evening, which is comparable in his mind to two days, and then Tues and Wed. This gives me Friday nights off and my ex Saturday nights off, which was a decent compromise, our little guy only is away from each of us for two days at most, we each get some decent weekend time to go out to an event, park, etc and we are both involved at the school.

He's pretty happy with it over all. He has no separation anxiety. He always wants to spend an extra day or two with me (mostly because he like my house better, he has friends next door and I tend to play one-on-one with him more than his mum does, but she is a good parent.)

As he gets older he could handle longer times away from each of us, but he is happy so we don't rock the boat.

I don't personally see an advantage to week on/ week off, it seems like a long time apart even for my 13 year old. I like to keep track of what homework she has, go to her swimming practises, we have books and shows we like to share and talk about all the time, we cook together, etc. She does the same with her mum, we are both constantly involved with her so it would seem weird to not see her for a week.

[Aelon]

This sounds ike the same schedule I am requesting. It's called the 2-2-5-5 schedule and it IS recommended by some experts for children about 6 and under. It doesn't take away time from either parent,, it just reduces the lenth of the separation.

The Court ordered a week about schedule and ever since it started I have become so sad. My child has developed separation anxiety and has become very clingy, to the point that nobody else can do anything for her.

Hmmm, interesting. I have young kids as well (both 3), and currently we have a 4-3 arrangement. I'm finding that my kids can be very clingy when with me. The separation agreement I'm proposing says up to 1 week at a time, but your post has me thinking it's probably best to stay with a 4-3 (or 4-3-3-4) arrangement for the next few years, for the sake of the kids. What's your source for the 2-2-5-5 schedule?

[standing on the sidelines]

great post hld.

[hld]

Rhonda i think you should be happy with the 50-50! Like everyone has said get out and doing something for yourself. As for the kids report cards and etc., you should be the one that gets involved with that, i for one when my X and i separated, my daughter wanted to stay living with him to finish school with her friends.....i made sure i stayed in conact with the school and got copies of their reports and things sent to me. You say its about the kids then maybe you should be more involved with their lives outside of the home instead of feeling sorry for yourself, not everything is going to be handed to you.
And to say that men don't feel the same as women do, that is where you are mistaken.....i am watching first hand from a man's point of view on access and all the other things,,,,we all feel the same when it comes to our children. My Bf is devasted cause he doesn't get to see his daughter as much as he wants, because his x is being selfish to keep his daughter from him!

Maybe you should sit and think about how lucky you are that YOU do get to see your kids 50-50 of the time, where others don't get that, because of ones selfishness.

[hld]

My bf gets to see his daughter maybe twice a month because mother is denying him access....if he could get the 50-50 thing he would be the most happiest man ever!! He is now going to court for proper access! I feel that the child is losing out on seeing her dad! Its hearbreaking on what his ex is doing to the child and him!!

[billiechic]

As for the posters emotional attachment and it being about the children, if the parents are happy and content, the children will follow. So in my humble opinion it is as much about us as parents as it is for the children, this is what makes us happy, a family, being together, being loved, and letting the children know you love them every chance you get. Special occasions, vacations etc would be the exceptions.

Obviously if the parents are miserable, the kids will pick up on it. I am miserable and depressed the week my child is with her dad. When we first started we did the 2-2-3 schedule and I was fine with that. The Court ordered a week about schedule and ever since it started I have become so sad. My child has developed separation anxiety and has become very clingy, to the point that nobody else can do anything for her.

It's not about what the court wants. If you can show that the current schedule is not working, the other parent and the court will hopefully be willing to try it.

[billiechic]

I have them for a week and want to change the week about to a mon-wed, wed-fri, fri-mon schedule where the access is still 50/50 just less time between seeing the kids.

This sounds ike the same schedule I am requesting. It's called the 2-2-5-5 schedule and it IS recommended by some experts for children about 6 and under. It doesn't take away time from either parent,, it just reduces the lenth of the separation.

[dadtotheend]

DTTE, you sound a little angry . Sorry but couldn't resist.

You think?

[blinkandimgone]

Oh good god, could you IMAGINE the damage I could do with a gavel?!?? LOL

[standing on the sidelines]

Or maybe a judge, you sound better than judge Judy

LOL like that one!