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A week about is too long not to see your children

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  • #16
    Clearly my downfall is remembering to spellcheck....and maybe laundry!

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    • #17
      Originally posted by dadtotheend View Post
      Yes, you are mistaken. And you're offensive.

      Sounds like you are pretty messed up. I'll take being "less emotional" than you right now. You sound unstable. To dismiss counselling the way you did hints that you aren't interested in trying.

      Good luck to you.

      DTTE, you sound a little angry . Sorry but couldn't resist.

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      • #18
        Originally posted by Technodaddy View Post
        I second that for excellent advice.

        I do the week about thing and have made an agreement to see them on Tuesday nights when I don't have them.

        This has worked fine until recently, now I think its best to just do the full week without a visit.

        Situations have developed that caused some friction due to this and the children got stuck in the middle. I can see one of my kids starting to put up this defence mechanism to tell each parent whatever it takes so one parent doesn't get angry with the other parent.

        Made me take a step back and after reading what is below by blink I would have to agree. Do what is best for the kids, I know it's hard but like it says, go have some 'you' time and keep busy.

        All the best.
        That interesting, I wonder the geographic of the week abouts. The reason I ask this is because, this was one of the scenarios I gave, all turned down but this was the least well rec'd by the courts and the OCL. Both stating that it was too long. I'm saying this because I wasn't too fond of the idea either but was willing to take anything.

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        • #19
          Originally posted by dadtotheend View Post
          Yes, you are mistaken. And you're offensive.

          Sounds like you are pretty messed up. I'll take being "less emotional" than you right now. You sound unstable. To dismiss counselling the way you did hints that you aren't interested in trying.

          Good luck to you.
          And having gotten my chuckle in, yeah, it was offensive.

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          • #20
            Originally posted by LostFather View Post
            That interesting, I wonder the geographic of the week abouts. The reason I ask this is because, this was one of the scenarios I gave, all turned down but this was the least well rec'd by the courts and the OCL. Both stating that it was too long. I'm saying this because I wasn't too fond of the idea either but was willing to take anything.
            How old were the kids at the time - could that have played a role in their opinion that it was too long?

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            • #21
              Originally posted by blinkandimgone View Post
              How old were the kids at the time - could that have played a role in their opinion that it was too long?
              three and seven at separation, trial was another 2 years down the road. OCL was little over a year past separation. Though she agreed with my position of joint custody and equal access, she said week on/off was too long. Recommend a split week. The interim judge was a flat out no approx 3-4 months into separation, again stating too long.

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              • #22
                Originally posted by blinkandimgone View Post
                You have the children the same amount of time as he does. He can only control your time with the children if you LET him. Stop doing that, problem solved. You don't see the benefits, it's been explained to you here. Just keep pretending you don't understand, though.



                Or you could simply have them send two copies out, one for each parent. Both of my children's schools started doing that for us when we seperated without even being asked by either parent. The schools are VERY used to it and would likely not have a problem with it.




                You are mistaken.



                And again, access arrangements are not about what YOU need, it's about what the children need and what is in their best interest. If they are not doing well with the week on/week off schedule it's likely because either one or both parents is making them feel bad and/or guilty about it. If that's you, stop it. Regardless, how you feel is irrelevant. You can't expect any judge anywhere to make changes or rule on important topics based on how you feel. If they did, manic depressives would have the courts tied up for years.



                Again, get counselling. Do something for yourself. Figure out how to be something other than a mom, like the person you were before you had children. It's easy to immerse yourself in your children but unhealthy for you to be living through them. You ARE more than 'just' a mom, go explore that.

                .

                If that's what your arrangement says, than that's what he is obligated to provide, nothing more. If you're unhappy with that, speak to your lawyer and try to get it increased.



                Just like he doesn't when you have them?



                You've given up a couple hours a week with them to be able to provide for them as you should be. It's the right thing to do and one of the best decisions you can make for your children. Stop whining and moaning that you are forced to live like everyone else that works to support their family.



                I'm sure he didn't when he first started working full time as you will be starting soon. Once you work your way up the ranks and have some experience under your belt you should be able to start looking for something with more flexibility. He had to work for it - why should it be handed to you?



                If by 'inequities' you mean the fact that women are typically more emotional than men, it's not 'unfair', it's nature. Women were intended to be that way so we would be more sympathetic and nurturing to our families. Men were not made that way because their job was to hunt and kill and provide for their families. Nobody wants to see a cave man weeping over the poor wittle deer he just killed to feed his family.

                Aside from that, I have no idea what inequities you are referring to. I am female, I am a single mum, I work full time. Before I worked in an office full time I took on as much work as I could at home so I could be a SAHM for my children. I feel blessed to have been able to do so, not all parents have the luxury of being able to stay home with the kids. Now I'm working my way up the 'corporate' ladder, so to speak, and I have NEVER felt opressed for being female. If I didn't get what I was looking for it was always because my skills weren't developed enough yet, not because I wear heels.



                It's not a terrible thing for your kids to see you cry - once in a while if the situation is difficult ie: a death in the family or you've hurt yourself.

                For the children to see you a crying mess all the time? Totally unhealthy for you and them. If that's happening then you should definately go see a doctor for the sake of your children. Sounds like you're depressed. Get help before you damage the children, they shouldn't have to see or go through that all the time. Counselling will only work if you have an open mind - which you clearly do not. If you truly wanted what was best for your kids, you would.



                Your proposed plans doesn't give them more access, it give them different access. You want it because it makes YOU feel better. Stop confusing what YOU feel with what is BEST FOR THE CHILDREN.



                You'd like what...that he stay and have a nice romantic dinner with you? You're getting divorce, accept the fact that he is meeting his obligations and no longer wishes to have a relationship with you. Of course he pickes them up, drops them off. What did you expect?



                Considering how you feel, maybe this is the best thing for them right now. At least they can see that they have one stable parent who is capable of making decisions based on their best interests.



                Sounds like you won't be satisfied until you have them all the time and he none of the time. You are trying to manipulate the children and your ex with your constant crying and 'poor me' attitude. And yet you feel he is the controlling one.



                If you had already decided that CAS was the appropriate agency to use to change your access agreement then why did you ask? If this is what you're using them for then it's disgusting that there are social workers spending their time doing this because 'mommy feels bad' when they SHOULD be working on abuse and neglect cases for kids whose mommies make THEM feel bad.



                There are over 143 million orphans in the world (as of 2006 ) so clearly your theory on 'if women didn't have these emotions there would be many orphans in the world'. And FYI, of all the seperated and divorced couples I know - the majority of FATHERS are the primary caregivers and the mothers are nowhere in sight, much less involved.

                I can also tell you from having been very involved in school activities with both of my children as well as scouting and other volunteer organizations that there is a VERY high ratio of men/dads involved in their children's activities. There were far less moms dropping their kids at school then I expected to see.

                You came here and posted looking for advice and support. You got your advice, you prefer to with what was suggested - because you're female and the replies were clearly from men who didn't understand what it's like to be a women.

                I'm female. I am very familiar with how it feels to be a woman. I didn't enjoy getting seperated either. I got counselling before my emotions effected my children because it was the right things to do. Get off your ass and help yourself, otherwise you're just a self-pitying whining ex wife who will eventually be too unstable to care for her children at all.


                Best post/reply I've ever read. You would make a good lawyer

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                • #23
                  Or maybe a judge, you sound better than judge Judy

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                  • #24
                    Originally posted by Elvis View Post
                    Or maybe a judge, you sound better than judge Judy
                    LOL like that one!

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                    • #25
                      Oh good god, could you IMAGINE the damage I could do with a gavel?!?? LOL

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                      • #26
                        Originally posted by LostFather View Post
                        DTTE, you sound a little angry . Sorry but couldn't resist.
                        You think?

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                        • #27
                          Originally posted by Rhonda&Kids View Post
                          I have them for a week and want to change the week about to a mon-wed, wed-fri, fri-mon schedule where the access is still 50/50 just less time between seeing the kids.
                          This sounds ike the same schedule I am requesting. It's called the 2-2-5-5 schedule and it IS recommended by some experts for children about 6 and under. It doesn't take away time from either parent,, it just reduces the lenth of the separation.

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                          • #28
                            Originally posted by LostFather View Post

                            As for the posters emotional attachment and it being about the children, if the parents are happy and content, the children will follow. So in my humble opinion it is as much about us as parents as it is for the children, this is what makes us happy, a family, being together, being loved, and letting the children know you love them every chance you get. Special occasions, vacations etc would be the exceptions.
                            Obviously if the parents are miserable, the kids will pick up on it. I am miserable and depressed the week my child is with her dad. When we first started we did the 2-2-3 schedule and I was fine with that. The Court ordered a week about schedule and ever since it started I have become so sad. My child has developed separation anxiety and has become very clingy, to the point that nobody else can do anything for her.

                            It's not about what the court wants. If you can show that the current schedule is not working, the other parent and the court will hopefully be willing to try it.

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                            • #29
                              My bf gets to see his daughter maybe twice a month because mother is denying him access....if he could get the 50-50 thing he would be the most happiest man ever!! He is now going to court for proper access! I feel that the child is losing out on seeing her dad! Its hearbreaking on what his ex is doing to the child and him!!

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                              • #30
                                Rhonda i think you should be happy with the 50-50! Like everyone has said get out and doing something for yourself. As for the kids report cards and etc., you should be the one that gets involved with that, i for one when my X and i separated, my daughter wanted to stay living with him to finish school with her friends.....i made sure i stayed in conact with the school and got copies of their reports and things sent to me. You say its about the kids then maybe you should be more involved with their lives outside of the home instead of feeling sorry for yourself, not everything is going to be handed to you.
                                And to say that men don't feel the same as women do, that is where you are mistaken.....i am watching first hand from a man's point of view on access and all the other things,,,,we all feel the same when it comes to our children. My Bf is devasted cause he doesn't get to see his daughter as much as he wants, because his x is being selfish to keep his daughter from him!

                                Maybe you should sit and think about how lucky you are that YOU do get to see your kids 50-50 of the time, where others don't get that, because of ones selfishness.

                                Comment

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