Q? for other parents about childcare

[blinkandimgone]

The same. It is the one of the two contributing factors to our relationship not working out. Things have been better since his dad died but it's only been two weeks so we'll see how that goes.

[Mess]

I don't have boys.

I'm sorry to hear that. You're missing out on half the fun.

[blinkandimgone]

Lol.....noe, I have the best of both worlds

[Nadia]

Do you think it might be because you've always played the main caregiver role. So maybe he's just felt he is not needed. Maybe the responsibility for the situation lies not so much with him but with you not giving him an opportunity to co-parent with you. I mean if you've always done it and met the children's needs then why does he need to bother. He probably doesn't see how he can contribute to the kids lives, when you've got everything "under control." Perhaps, you need to start pulling back a little.

[tugofwar]

Erm.....no?? It's hard for me to believe someone could be so out of touch with reality to think that I should take care of all the hard times and the kids should do without him for the remainder of their childhoods and he can step back in when it's easier and more convenient for him, that there wouldn't be an overwhelming sense of resentment that neither I or at the very least the children were worth the effort. All I want is for my kids to feel loved and wanted - by BOTH parents.

Very well put, at least I feel like that's been my experience up to now...

[blinkandimgone]

It's because all of his needs were met therefore he was happy and couldn't understand how if he was happy anyone else could be unhappy.

He's had the opportunity to be present and engaged with the children from the second they were born. He's consistently chosen not to and I can't make him want any of it, it's also not my job to. The responsibility is on both of our parts for it not working out, he for not taking the opportunities and me for picking up the slack when he didn't. We had each other well trained, for sure.

Anyways, he is who he is and his choices are his alone to make. I do the best I can and that's all I can do. Things are very calm and settled and that's the way I like it to be.

[Nadia]

So you actually prefer not to have him in the kids lives, because "things are very calm and settled and that's the way I like it be" Your words not mine.

So, the implication is that it is "easier" for you to parent the children alone rather than try and co-parent with him.

Which begs the question, did you make it difficult for him to get involved because it was just "easier" for you not to have him involved?

[blinkandimgone]

Funny, nowhere at all did I say or imply that. I prefer not to be married to him because now there is no expectation, no frustration and no disappointment. The relief from that is very calming, things between he and I are much more settled which is....the way I like things to be.

It is far easier to be alone on my own rather than feel alone in a disappointing marriage. Nowhere did I say or imply I prefer him not to be a part of their lives or that it is easier for him not to be. You seem to be confusing our relationship with his relationship with the kids, two very different things. Regardless of what happened between us, his relationship with the kids is still important.

Anyways, not sure why you decided to dig up this old thread but the issue was resolved and as I said, things with the kids are improving so... thanks for asking.

[Nadia]

You didn't say you were referring to his relationship with you when you made that comment. Only that you felt things were calmer.

Any co-parenting arrangement would require some sort of relationship between the parents wouldn't it? So you would have to deal with him.

I guess the point that I am trying to make is this, it can't be too easy to get along with you, given the vulgarity of language and personal attacks that you employ on other people's threads.

I'm trying to understand where the anger and bitterness comes from? I get it now. You are struggling single mom who has to raise two children by herself. A husband who left her and doesn't want to have anything to do with the kids. I don't blame him given the vile comments that you have been posting on the board.

It just makes me feel really sorry for you.

[blinkandimgone]

LOL! Feel anyway you want, it's irrelevant. Your presumption of our marriage, our current relationship or our parenting arrangement doesn't actually change what it really is.

You can attempt to project your situation and unhappiness onto whomever you please if it makes you feel better. Glad you felt the need to post stalk me to make yourself feel better!

[Nadia]

Well, you see I think you were projecting your own sad little situation when you commented on my thread.

I know your situation no more then you can make assumptions about mine. We can only go by what you've posted.

But like you said, everyone has the right to express their opinion, so just expressing mine that's all.

I just don't like bullies. Never have.

[blinkandimgone]

Post away! Just a little secret though, just because you choose to post-stalk people when they disagree with you, still doesn't mean anyone else is going to care as much as you do. Have fun!

[Nadia]

Oh, I don't mind people disagreeng with me in the least. That is the only reason why one comes to a forum like this. I welcome the diversity of opinions and viewpoints that are offered, especially ones that one has not considered.

But disagreeing with someone is one thing, name calling, personally attacking them without having any reason to do so is another. It is more reflective of that person's character and own unhappiness more then anything else.

Like I said in my own thread I must have pressed some buttons with you.

[blinkandimgone]

Absolutely!!

[Nadia]

Oh my goodness, dare I say we are in agreement Blink?