Creative Visitation Schedule

[Human Way]

I need some help here. Through mediation we are trying to get the visitation schedule straight. As of now i have my daughter friday through monday morning every other weekend, and every wednesday. I am trying to get thursday added to the weekends i dont have her. This would help stem the seven day lay over between my next visit. My ex is not happy with that, and will not agree to it, stating that she should be not back and forth during school days? Which doesnt make much sense since i all ready have every monday.

Anyways, does anyone have a creative strategy that works that allows every other weekend dads to be able to see their kid during the week, without a seven day lay over. It is such a long time to wait to see her again?

thanks for the help

[#1StepMom]

I wish I had some advice for you... but unfortunately I don't. My husband and I see his son every-other-weekend, and that is it. No weekday visits. There is usually a 12-13 day period between visits, sometimes as much as 21 days when we need to make a weekend switch. Believe it or not, this is actually what the judge said would be "best for the child" as there would be no disruptions to the child's Monday-Friday routine. (Then again, my husband's situation is different in the sense that him and the child's mother were never together, and therefore he never got to see his son more than a few hours once per week - at most - from the time his son was born. So having his son with us for a full weekend every-other-weekend is more than he ever expected.)

In any case, I suggest you put a proposal in writing stating exactly what you want, and fight for it. Aim for a little more than you think is reasonable, so that you'll have room to compromise. Make sure you have everything outlined, from times to pick-up locations, showing as little disruptions to your daughter's regular weekday routine as possible. If she has an activity on Thursdays (e.g., swimming lessons) be prepared to show that you will take her to the activity. If you show that you intend to be a parent without disrupting her usual routine, you'll have a much better chance, I think.

I wish you all the best. Good luck!

[tugofwar]

There is usually a 12-13 day period between visits, sometimes as much as 21 days when we need to make a weekend switch. Believe it or not, this is actually what the judge said would be "best for the child" as there would be no disruptions to the child's Monday-Friday routine.

Wow, that's not very consistent and how is that good for the child?

[#1StepMom]

Wow, that's not very consistent and how is that good for the child?

Ask the judge... He or she will tell you "that's life for a child living in separate homes." ;-)

Either way, we try not to do to many weekend switches unless absolutely necessary. The 21 day periods are far and few between, maybe once or twice per year. Usually we're pretty good at sticking to the every-other-weekend (12 days in between visits) schedule.

My stepson is pretty good about it. We have a "visit" calendar in the kitchen that he refers to regularly, and so he knows how long he's with us and how long until he returns. I think that helps him a lot. He's very well settled and really has never knows anything but the schedule that is in place. So to him, it's perfectly normal. He just gets more thrilled when he's with us on vacation for periods longer than a weekend. :-)

[tugofwar]

Then again, my husband's situation is different in the sense that him and the child's mother were never together, and therefore he never got to see his son more than a few hours once per week - at most - from the time his son was born. So having his son with us for a full weekend every-other-weekend is more than he ever expected

Im confused why them not actually being together makes a difference?
I was married, we had a baby and there is no connection between child and father. Also, he only spent a few hours a week when we were together and even less once I left. So where does that leave us?

[dinkyface]

Back to the OP's question...

Sorry, no other suggestions - just a warning: If the judge appears to be siding with you, your ex might counter that the long separation period could easily be dealt with via phone/skype video calls.

[Human Way]

Im trying to get my head around a monday thursday switch, or something. Honestly. How can it be so rigid. If i go in with some kind of idea, maybe she will agree to it.

[dinkyface]

How about specifying that both parents are permitted to attend and be involved in (e.g. as coach, troup leader, volunteer) all extracurricular activities the child is enrolled in, regardless of whose access the activity falls within? It is not extra access, but it is extra contact time.

[billm]

I need some help here. Through mediation we are trying to get the visitation schedule straight. As of now i have my daughter friday through monday morning every other weekend, and every wednesday. I am trying to get thursday added to the weekends i dont have her. This would help stem the seven day lay over between my next visit. My ex is not happy with that, and will not agree to it, stating that she should be not back and forth during school days? Which doesnt make much sense since i all ready have every monday.

Anyways, does anyone have a creative strategy that works that allows every other weekend dads to be able to see their kid during the week, without a seven day lay over. It is such a long time to wait to see her again?

thanks for the help

I wonder if this is all to do with the magic 60/40 split (which determines how much CS you pay), and she is only thinking about the money.

If you follow your 2 week schedule, you would have (considering a day to be where the child sleeps)
week 1 - W, F, S, S
week 2 - W, T

Which is 6 out of 14 days, she would have 8 out of 14.
This is a 43/57 split - aka shared physical custody, aka you pay less CS.

Her schedule is 5 days of 14 for you, 8 for her.
This is a 36/64 split - aka not shared physical custody, aka you pay full CS, which is of course not really fair considering you have the child 34% of the time, but that is the general guideline.

This assumes that your Wednesday and Thursday visit is over night, perhaps it is not....

[dad93]

Replying to an old thread and windering if there was a resolution?

Thanks