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Infant Access and Breastfeeding

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  • Infant Access and Breastfeeding

    My situation is as follows

    We attended court when my daughter was 7 months of age. Basicaly the Judge said was this, due to breast feeding contact could only occur a few times a week. He ignored the fact of breast pump etc. Also, as he put it, its important that the child continue to be breastfeed for bonding etc. If this was the case, then every bottle feed infant would not bond with their parents. However, A consent order entailed. A review of the order when my daughter was 1 year old. On review, she claimed she was still breastfeeding. 10 days later the case was dismissed by the registar by mistake. It was during this dismissal, my daughters mother told me that she was no longer breastfeeding. I got the case reinstated, and when she found out about this she withheld my daughter for 40 minutes and had her mother come outside and claim that she was breastfeeding, hence the reason for the delay. My daughter is now 19 months, and I see her for 3 hrs a week. I get no time for holidays. There is no order for custody or support for that matter. I do pay support voluntarily tabled amount. I feel the time is inadequate but at the same time if we go to court again, I suspect she will claim breastfeeding to limit the relationship. Why doesn't she have to provide proof. How long will the courts support breastfeeding. Can this go on forever. Any help, ideas is appreciated


  • #2
    your kidding right....breastfeeding at that age?

    Sounds like the issue of breastfeeding is being used to estblish defacto custody or she is just vindictive and keeping the child from you.

    Take the matter back to court, she can't breast feed forever. Ask the courts for a mental examination on her through courts of justice act

    Section 105 of the Courts of Justice Act gives the court the discretion to order that a party undergo a physical or mental examination by one or more health practitioners when the physical or mental condition of that party is “in question”.


    • #3
      Hi quake and welcome,

      There's an interesting article about this here:

      I do think you could get more access than 3 hours a week - that seems very little even if your ex really were breastfeeding. That doesn't mean you should run to court tomorrow asking for a change in access. But you should speak with a lawyer and develop a strategy to methodically increase your access over time.
      Ottawa Divorce


      • #4

        That argument was used and in fact she did have a breastpump before separation but claimed to have sold it afterwards. I did offer to buy her a replacement of her choice, but she refused to take me up on the offer and also stated that she would never supply any breast milk for any access.

        The Judge at the case conferece stated that he came from a family of 6 and all were breastfeed. The Judge said there was a difference between bottle and breastfeeding in regards to bonding. The Judge said that she wouldn't be expected to supply breastmilk. I even had an article attached to my brief
        FAMILY AND CONCILIATION COURTS REVIEW, Vol. 38 No. 3, July 2000 297-311 where in this article provides recomendations in infant access including breastfeed infants.

        Regardless, I know I have to wait it out. I agree with you 100% that the time is infrequent or adequate. My daughter barely remembers and the first part of the visit is spent getting reacquainted. There are other issues such as medical information sharing. 5 letters and a court order to authorize direct contact with the relevent professional. The Dr. will not release information or let me have a copy of my daughters medical file basically due to the fact that I don't have custody. I told him neither does the mother. This did not seem to matter. I know very little about my daughters health. The Judge told them they where breaking the law by not releasing this information but they continue to do so.

        They have made a number of allegations against me implying that I was sort of criminal in an effort to create a negative perception. I have no record, have various security clearances with the government. I am gainfully employed for 18 years same employer, own my home and I am stable.

        I guess they figure I will get frustrated enough and just walk away. I can't do this as I love my daughter very much, I am a good parent, I am responsible.
        I think they limit my time as they do not want me to bond with her and are only agreeing to a bare minimum to prevent and foster the relationship further.

        The last appearance they lied and claimed she did not even use a sipper cup, which I also had many pictures that contradicted this. How can they stand in front of the Judge and lie like that. Do the Judges not read the material submitted. Why are they allowed to commit perjury.

        If this goes on I will never have a chance to parent my daughter, as I did ask for joint custody. Currently, she does not have custody either and she has yet to file a motion to obtain an interim order. I realize they will look at where my daughter has been living all this time. So much for both parents entitled to custody.

        Thanks for the advice


        • #5
          That's a tough situation you're in and I do think you'll have a big fight ahead. However, if everything you say is true, I think the chances are good you'll be successful in the end. Patience is very important in family law situations!

          I am familiar with that article, and it's a very good one. One problem though with just attaching it to a brief is that it would be considered expert evidence and hearsay and a judge would generally not be allowed to consider it.
          Ottawa Divorce


          • #6
            I have come across this ontario case law that is similar to your situation.


            The father did get his weekends eventually but lost out on joint custody basically on the manner he persued litigation from what I understand. He had no regards to breastfeeding.


            • #7
              Interesting case! I've never seen a dispute before as to what name to use for a child.
              Ottawa Divorce


              • #8

                This is what I was told about breastfeeding. My ex and I tried to reconcile and I became pregnant. Then he decided he didn't want to be a "full time father" or to be with me. He just wants visitation.

                I contacted a lawyer to find out how things will work since I am going to breastfeed. I was told that he will still be allowed visitation that I will be told to bottle the milk for when it is his weekend or evening with the baby.


                • #9

                  That is coincidental you would say to have patience as the Judge did say have patience and your going to get everything you want. He also kept saying the word "two" throughout the case conference. I am not sure what that meant.

                  I did have a wonderful short visit with my daughter this past weekend. I try to make the most of the short time we have together. During this visit, my daugher referred me to as "Bad Daddy" a number of times. I find these words to be somewhat disturbing and I am not to sure what to make of it. I can only hope it is being said by mistake and no one is teaching her to say this.

                  I realize I am in for a long fight, her lawyer is paid for courtesy of the taxpayers. She refuses to mediate and or settle anything. She has told me a number of times if I didn't like it to take her to court.



                  • #10
                    Have you considered getting the Office of the Children's Lawyers involved. It is funding by the Gov., no cost to you.


                    • #11
                      Yes, I requested office of the children's law to be involved and I also volunteered in a parental assessment. I have nothing to hide. She wants neither saying it is not required. Its going to be a battle to get this. My only hope will be that the Judge will order this.



                      • #12
                        From what I know, and I'm no lawyer, the judges will order the Office of the Children's lawyer get involved. It happened in my case. It is then up to the Office if they feel they need to be involved. They can order an assessment.
                        Good Luck.


                        • #13

                          I am about to bring a motion for an increase in access. I am self-represented.
                          I read somewhere on your site that you offer a service of completing the necessary forms such as affidavits writing. Do you still offer this service.

                          This will be the first motion. My daughter's access time is limited with myself. 1-4:30 on Saturday. 1/2 hr is spent traveling to the mall back and forth.

                          I travel 2 hours for this visit each way. The visit occurs occurs in malls with considerable expense.

                          I understand a gradual approach to increase access is the way to go but I do not think that spending 8 hours in a mall with a child is appropriate. I do not want my daughter to think and believe that I live in this mall. I want to be able to bring my daughter to my residence which is about 160 km away.
                          I feel it is my daughter's right to know me as who I really am.

                          On the other side to this is that if access was only 8 hours the time is limited to justify a return trip back to my residence as 4 hours would be spent traveling. I have no desire to put my daughter through this extensive travel.

                          My daughter will be 2 very soon. My home is very suitable for her. I have a nursery all set up which includes a crib and an infant bed. The home is safe and secure.

                          My daughter has yet to have an opportunity to have a relationship with my family that reside here. I feel it is her right to have a meaningful relationship with her extended family.

                          I visited the court house and they told me that I need a factum for my affidavit and motion. I am not sure exactly what that is. I have considerable exhibits to add to my affidavit.

                          Any help or a response if you still offer the service of preparing paperwork would be appreciated.

                          Thank You



                          • #14
                            Just wanted to say that although three hours a week doesn't seem adequate to me either, there are women who breastfeed well into the second year. Not what I would do personally, but I hardly think it justifies "mental examinations" of the mother! If you feel she is not still breastfeeding, fine, go back to court and request that your order be changed, but please don't start questioning her sanity, for God's sake!


                            • #15
                              3 hours a week is not adequate that is certain. My daughter is not one week old but almost 23 months old.

                              Could you go through christmas without seeing your children? I never got to see my daughter at eatser,thansgiving, father's day birthdays christmas - reason being is that holidays means nothing to my daughter even though her mother celebrated it with her.

                              How would you like your child's belated christmas present thrown in your face during an access drop off ? That is what her mother did to me saying WE Don't want that here! My daughter did see the behaviour.

                              Breastfeeding was an issue however she isn't breastfeeding. She just claims to be every time we go to court. Its an excuse to limit the relationship.

                              No regards is given to the fact that she is a chronic smoker smoking over a pack of cigarettes every day. It is a known fact that the toxins from smoking flow through the breast milk into the child.

                              The Judge told her to increase access every 4 months. Since then {last March} there has been no increase. So much for fostering a relationship.

                              She sees our daughter as her own child and a child has no use for a father other than child support. This most likely is due to her own relationship with her own father. She hates him and has not spoken to him in years.

                              I have requested over and over again for information pertaining to my daughter's health and welfare. There is even a court order in place.
                              Still no co-operation and she ignores my requests.
                              The Judge told her she was breaking the law.

                              Another problem rests with the DR. He will not disclose any information pertaining to my daughter due to fact I have no form of custody. Funny thing being is that neither does the mother.

                              so it a nutshell this is what it is


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