3/4 split or week on week off?

[Natureboy]

I am sure this has been covered before. In a 50/50 custody split, which is really best for the children if it is in the best interest of the children?

A 3/4 day split or week on and week off.

Should that really be up to the parents to decide or debate over?

My wife wants adimitly the 3/4 to save herself money. I personally don't care which but want to be sure it is the best choice for the kids (3 of them 5 years and under).

I have tried to research this where people say that the children just get "settled" after 3 or 4 days then have to leave which is hard on them. Others say a week away from one or other parent is not good either? I personally don't know which is better for them

[wretchedotis]

My understanding is that it is better for young children to have more instances of seeing both parents, than fewer. Thus, my ex and I have an agreement where we take our 4 year old boy on a week on/off basis. However, we also have a midweek access for the off parent to see the child half way through their off-week. This allows our son to go no longer than 4 days without at least a visit from the other parent.

Really, I don't think it matters too much. Your children will adapt to whatever you two can agree on. The most important thing is consistancy in whatever you decide.

[Edward]

I proposed 4 day rotation to my wife for our 3 years old child but her lawyer told her it is better weekly. Reason being is, if you have the child 4 days and you have him Monday to Thursday, you work those days and spend very little time with the kids that week. If you have them the whole 7 days then it is better. I don't know but I agreed on that one.

But like wretchedotis said, the parent who doesn't have the child for 1 week, should visit the child 2-3 times a week if agreed by your spouse.

So you have the children 7 full days plus visit them 203 days next week. Also your spouse visits them (takes them out or something) when they are with you.

It should work.

[Mess]

Our children have a split schedule through the week that most would find odd, but it works well for them.

I have my son Tues, Wed and Sat nights, my daughter Mon, Wed, Thurs and Sat nights.

This way both children get at least one night exclusively with each parent. There are nights when both children are together. There are nights where each parent gets an evening off to go out.

This was partly designed with my daughter's sports practice in mind, so that Tuesdays her mum would take her, Thursdays I would take her. We each get to be involved, and we don't have to worry about having our son sitting around bored at the practice.

It works well, and the children are thriving. Frankly, knowing my children, they would not thrive with a full week on/week off schedule. They are attached to both parents and appreciate seeing both regularly during the week.

That said, I think that such concerns are overblown. Either way can work, let the children get used to it, stay flexible and make changes as you go according to your children's needs, not yours. I do reject statements like "That would be bad for the children, they would miss me" or "they will never get settled in". If you have a good relationship with your children, they will be happy to settle in. They will stay connected if they miss you for a week. Make the effort and either situation can work.

[Deputy Daddy]

I have my kids (6 and 9) every Tues, Thurs, and every second Fri, Sat and Sun. It works very well for us and there is no "transition time" because the kids are truly at home at my place as well as my ex's place. All they bring back and fourth are the clothes they are wearing and their school backpacks. We do change that schedule from time to time depending on sports activities, our or the kids' desires, but I can't see us ever going to a wee/week thing.

DD

[billiechic]

We do a 2-2-3 rotation. My daughter is 3, it was quite hard for her to get used to being with her dad for more than a few days, so it works well for us. Personally I find that 4 days is the max amount of time we can both go without our daughter, and she really starts to miss the other parent by day 4.

[WorriedDad]

Young kids are better seeing both parents as often as possible, week on week off means that they go an whole week without seeing one or the other parent. I do a 3-4 split with my ex. Basically she has my daughter Monday's and Tuesdays, I have her Wednesday and Thursdays and we do every other weekend. This maximizes the work week and weekend schedule so we truly have 50-50 access.

[#1StepMom]

I think the "norm" is week-on/week-off (usually with exchanges occuring on a Wednesday or other weekday, so that each parent can have equal weekend time) with a midweek visit for the "off" parent each off-week. This works well for school age children whose parents both reside within the school boundaries. (Or can taken them to school and pick them up daily.)

Given the young age of your children, perhaps it would be best to agree to a schedule of shorter time periods in each home... until the children reach a certain age... then change to a week-on/week-off schedule if you prefer.

When you agree to a schedule, it doesn't mean that you can never agree to change it. After all, your children will grow and have activities/schedules of their own that will need to be taken into consideration as well.

[first timer]

Ask yourself, am I capable of looking after all the needs of my children for a week or for 3 days at a time. If you answer yes to one or both then pick the one that maximizes the amount of time you will have with your children and that your children have with you.

[NBDad]

I'm assuming you mean a 3/4 rotating split (so it's a true 50/50 shared arrangement).

My ex and I have tried it both ways, currently we're now embroiled in messy custody litigation, so it's not nearly as amicable as it once was, but from personal experience I'm going to echo what's already been posted.

It's dependant entirely on your situation. The children WILL adapt to whatever schedule is made, as long as it's adhered to as closely as possible. In my situation there are 4 children under the age of 7 involved. so I did find the week on /week off thing a little too long (missed the kiddos too much for that length of time), so for me, the 4 day/3 day rotation worked better.

The thing with access arrangements is that they are probably going to have to change at some point as the children get older. (Sports/extra-curriculars, trips, and just plain LIFE will eventually require it).