mental health relating to custody

[akaDaddy]

My former spouse reliquished custody of my child approximately 5 months ago formally - it had been a gradual process up until that point as there were some serious psych/substance issues . since that time she has failed to see the child more than once every few weeks or so for day visits and I am usually called upon early to pick him up . She has now just been released from the hospital from a 2 week stay and apparently has been diagnosed as bipolar. My child is well cared for and is very much in the routine with me but I am now faced with the ex wanting to resume de-facto sole custody , and although i do not object to access (to the contrary) I feel he should stay with his Dad . As a side note , the ex's new BF was someone she met at said hospital ~


All alone on this , Any advice or opinion is greatly appreciated !

[dinkyface]

I would think it is good to be cautious and take some time - she faced a crisis very recently, and you need some assurance that she will remain stable. You will never get a guarantee that another crisis won't occur, but still I'd suggest that you support her (I'm not assuming you are not). Maybe she will always be less than punctual and not as responsible as you would like, but that's just something you will have to live with - unless it looks like there is an actual danger to your child.

What do you think is her motivation for getting custody back? Is it an issue of who spends the most time with your child? Are there control/decision making issues? Or financial/CS issues?

If she believes that you are supportive/understanding, and are not trying to take your child away, she might not push so hard for sole custody again. This you can work on during the 'stabilization' period.

Can you get details of her care/health, so you can get a better understanding of the severity and outlook of her condition? Bi-polar is a scary word, but is also very common condition.

[singledad99]

She does not have de facto custody anymore, you do!

How old is your son? If your child is well adjusted with you and is being cared for by you there is no need for an abrupt change. I am thinking its not probably safe for your child to be with her while she is still have mental issues. What does her therapist say about her ability to look after your son. You have been doing a good job so why not work towards having a joint/shared custody arrangement instead of just transferring the custody back to her?(that is if she is capable of looking after your son on her own)

[akaDaddy]

thanks for the replies : at this point Mom has had very little contact with me/my son so i have no idea how the treatment is progressing - if she was not his mom I would not permit her to have contact - but that would be unfair to him . I agree an abrupt change would not be healthy - I have no sort of separation agreement or custody agreement to fall back on - is it needed , should I get a lawyer ? I especially don't want my son living with a guy I know was just in the hospital for mental health issues ....

[standing on the sidelines]

i would get a formal agreement about custody asap. I would go with supervised visits at the start and as it progresses go to unsupervised and then go to overnights.

[mominont]

I'm in court off/on with a mental health access parent.

FWIW, I have sole custody and he has supervised access, our child is 6. We've had 2 reports by social workers through the Ontario Childrens lawyer - its worked in my favour both reports but it gives everyone a third opinion unbiased.

My last venture into the courtroom my ex had to provide all medical information, reports. As it was in my daughters best interest for me to have access to them. His lawyer tried their best to argue but the judge was having no point of that.

When you say "formally" do you mean you have a current agreement or is it only verbal? I would be putting forward a legal application if I were in your shoes.

I wouldn't allow a child to be with a parent that has mental health issues unless you know 100% that they are following a treatment plan. The second judge I was in front of told my ex it would make me an irresponsible parent if I offered him unsupervised access. Are you sure the substance abuse has stopped - mandatory drug testing?

I've read the book others are mentioning and cases that should make it to the courtroom are mental health cases. The OCL normally takes on cases where mental health is an issue.

Start your application for Joint legal custody with yourself as custodial parent and offer supervised visitation. Also ask for the OCL to get involved.

Good Luck!

Mominont