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"Nesting" divorce

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  • "Nesting" divorce

    Hi everyone,

    Just wondering - has anyone has tried the so-called "bird-nesting" custody arrangement - the kids stay in the house and the parents live elsewhere and takes turns living with the kids?

    I'd love to know if it actually works.

    Does anyone know of any resources out there?

  • #2
    sounds like a great idea as long as you agree on things such as overnight "guests" who pays what for mortgage, home repairs etc. What would happen if one of the parents gets remarried, would the new spouse stay there also during the visitation time.


    • #3
      I'd love to hear from someone that has had success with it.

      There was at least another thread on this...try a search.

      I'd never do it, but I am curious about it...


      • #4
        its working for us...

        We've been doing this for about 6 months now and it is working very well. My ex and I get along very well which is an important pre-requisite I think. My guess is that if you still have lots of anger issues this wouldn't work. Right from the beginning we agreed that we would focus on the children (11 and 5) and if ever we need a reminder to compromise, that's what we remind ourselves of: focus on what's best for the kids. I'm home M, T and every other weekend, my Ex is there W, T, every other weekend. This arrangement keeps the work week consistent which makes it easier to coordinate extracurricular activities, etc.
        We're still working out ways to make it easier but a few basic rules like "try to leave the house as clean as it was when you got there" and "there should always be enough groceries in the house for at least one day" have really helped. All shared expenses come out of a joint account into which we each contribute each payday and receipts are shared to back up the expenses. So far, I think its been much easier on the kids that they don't have to move around. And having experienced moving between dwellings ourseleves, at least if we do eventually switch to a two-house scenario, we will understand what the kids are going through.
        The biggest issue I have with nesting is trying to keep up with the housework- since I'm only there half time, I want to spend my time with the kids, not cleaning. My Ex finds this difficult too. Mostly, we do what is absolutely necessary and have decided that time with the kids is more important than freshly mopped floors. My Ex also finds sharing a bedroom awkward although it doesn't bother me. We are considering setting up separate bedrooms so we each have are own private space.
        In terms of where we go when we're not the custodial parent, I have my own apartment down the road and my Ex is renting a room close by. Yes, this means we are paying for three residences but since our alternate residences are very modest, in terms of expenses, I think overall it is still cheaper than having two full households, especially since housing in our neighbourhood is very expensive.
        Overall, I'm really happy we tried this- I think it has made the separation much easier on all of us. I'm not sure how much longer it will last- maybe only six months, maybe several more years- but even just as a transitional arrangement, it has been worth it.
        Here's a website I found which you might find useful:


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