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  • #16
    I'm sure mum24 is very real. I've dealt with the same issues from my ex. Having activities schedule during my time without asking me first, her wanted to still be a stay at home mother and wanting all of the support payments to be child support so that she can still get all of the government benefits due to her non-existent income, asking her to amend the separation agreement for 50/50 parental time, her admitting to being jealous of my "financial success" post separation (not sure what that means since I have not had a single raise for nine years now), her feelings of being replaced when the kids started calling their step mother "Mom", her always saying that "its not in the best interests of the kids to be with me more", etc.....the list goes on. This all sounds very familiar.

    It would seem to me that mum24 is not interested in moving on with her life away from her ex by keeping the kids as pawns and using them to exact conflict into her ex's life. If she didn't feel that way, she would work with him to reduce the stress in the kids lives. Its unfortunate that she doesn't understand that the stress that the kids feel is most likely that they don't want to disappoint her by showing how much they really want to be with the father because of how she feels about increasing their time with their father. She is showing the kids how much it affects her when they are not with her instead of keeping that to herself. The kids need to feel that its ok to be with their father and that she will be fine without them.

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    • #17
      Originally posted by mum24 View Post
      I guess that I do not understand why his marriage warrants a material change? I mean come on! The wife is not even a mother! He has yet to parent his own children except when someone is there to help him. Honestly. How is the in the best interests of the children?
      As far as the extra activities - children require sports - not a luxury in my mind. From reading these forums, I guess I do not understand how he has a leg to stand on. The impression that I get is that every other weekend and a week day access is MORE than far.
      Today, I took one of my children to a soccer game, and there he was with the wife. He is only there because I made the complaint that he never watches the kids when it is not on his time.
      Also, another point to take and consider is this: I am the one who takes the children to doctors, dentists. I am the one who is making the appointments. And the feeling that I am getting is that he can just sit back and critize the choices I make. I am the one deciding on schools and routines for my chilldren. I am the one signing them up for the activities and driving them around 90% of the time.
      I was the one who decided that he should leave our home and he agreed that was for the best. This is the thing that is upsetting me, the children have the same home they have had since birth and now he wants to up root them to a house they do not know. To a neighbourhood they do not know. Where they do not have their friends.
      He is not thinking about the childrens needs at all. I hope any judge would see that. How would I end up paying his legal fees? He is the one asking for such an outrageous thing.
      I cannot believe how worried I am about this.
      Does anyone know anything about parenting coordinators also? He is asking for one...I don't think I like the idea of someone thinking they know best about my children. Plus the coordinator he has named is a man. You can see why this worries me I hope.
      There is nothing wrong with what he has done. As for the comment that the stepmother is not even a mother, get off your high horse. You were not even a mother until you started to have kids yourself. It sounds like the kids love their father and her so get over it. The kids know that you are their bio mother. How are you thinking of the kids needs by trying to put up roadblocks for their father to see them?

      Kids do require physical activity but it does not always have to be a structured activity. Running outside, playing a game of ball with the neighbours kids etc are all fine. Sometimes a group of kids deciding to hit a few balls in the neighbourhood ball diamond is more fun for them then having to go to practices at a certain day and time.

      The kids will be able to make new friends and with that have new experiences.

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      • #18
        Originally posted by copper View Post
        You need to wake up and smell the coffee!!! Sole custody has nothing to do with the father's parental right's to see the children. Sole custody does not affect his access one iota.

        IMO Having read this whole thread I am really suspicious as to wether mum24 is actually a figment of someone's imagination.......
        gotta agree with you.

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        • #19
          Originally posted by mum24 View Post
          Really? I am going to ask my lawyer about sole custody. As it stands right now, we have joint custody. I would love to be able to stop all access altogether, and I suppose sole custody would be the way to do this. And all I have to do is prove that we cannot get along? That is great news! What a relief.
          I am going to go ahead and talk with my lawyer tomorrow about changing to sole custody. I also did not know that we had to get along for 50/50 access - I can make sure this does not happen.

          WHAT???? You want to stop you ex from seeing his kids altogether??? Your description of him makes him sound like a great father, you are focussing on all the wrong things. Grow up and be an adult for your kids. SO glad you aren't my mom. I pity your children and hope the court does too.

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          • #20
            These poor children. This makes me so sad and angry.

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            • #21
              Sounds like things are being nit-picked to death at the expense of the children. If he is a good father then let him be one...Trust me even bad fathers get "fantasized" as good ones if they have no access...so let your kids have their dad and for God's sake try to make things work for their sake and hope that he does not interfere with any relationship that you might have in the same manner..

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              • #22
                Hostile Aggressive Parenting

                Reading the posts in this thread have been very disturbing to me!

                As an adult child subjected to Parental Alienation and who has an older sister and younger brother who also lived the torment and still do some 35 years later, I am appauled to actually read that this behaviour blatantly exists!
                I can guarantee you that it is no joke to alienate any child from either parent.
                This is abuse in my opinion and the psychological effects on children can last a lifetime.
                mum24 needs to get a grip on her actions and her idealism of how to raise "her" children in this situation.

                She should read a couple of books: Divorce Poison or A Kidnapped Mind: A mothers heartbreaking memoir of Parental Alienaton.

                Maybe if she knew the lasting effects of her actions then she would be more careful in the choices that she is making on behalf of her childrens "bests interests".

                Looking back, as an adult into my "child" world, I didn't care what money my parents were paying each other, I didn't care if I played sports, I didn't care if I got the newest, coolest clothes....I don't remember any of those things.....but I do remember my dad holding us back from the door as my mom waited outside just wanting to have her little visit...I do remember my dad calling my mom bad names and making me think that he obviously couldn't love us if we were part of her....I do remember having to pick which parent would go to my grade 8 graduation and just retreating into myself from complete confusion!

                Mum24, if you read this....please stop the madness now....the effects on how you handle your childrens access and visits and time with their father can forever effect them....don't beleive me??? I have the proof of myself and my siblings and we would be more than willing to share the emotional, mental, and physical symptoms that the actions of my dysfunctional parents caused us through the years....We have the medical bills to prove it!

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                • #23
                  WOW!!! Mum24 YOU NEED HELP!! I should say your children and your ex need help, to get the kids away from you.

                  Sit down and read all the post, you will see what your doing is not good for your children, maybe good for you but ITS NOT ABOUT YOU!!

                  You say if kids act up that dad wont let them play hockey, good work Dad.

                  My son played competative hockey for 3 years, in the play offs the coach himself benched one of the best forwards on the team for not listening we lost the tournement.
                  some parents were mad but, the way i look at it coach was in charge of the kids when they are on the ice they dont respect him they dont deserve to play. By the way the kids were 17-18 year olds think how the lose felt for them. Just as bad if not worse than 7 year olds.

                  From the sound of it the kids would be good with dad. Sounds like your just looking for the money

                  How come its ok for you to go bother your ex when he has the kids (what little time he has them). And he cant phone the kids when you have them !!

                  Oh I know its called a CONTROL FREAK !!!!!!!!

                  By the way Im a Mother not a Dad
                  Last edited by blindsided; 08-13-2009, 06:02 PM. Reason: add more

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                  • #24
                    hopefully Mum24 has seen the light, but I doubt she'll be back.

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                    • #25
                      As if....

                      I have heard horror stories about some women, but seriously??!! This Mum24 person CANNOT be real... can she?? I don't believe it!

                      Someone who does ALL of these awful things to her ex and her children... like dropping by to bring them gifts during visits with their father... UNBELIEVEABLE!

                      Someone could not possibly be that ignorant, arrogant and selfish???? Could they????

                      If she is real.. I have no doubt that there is some dumbass lawyer out there, feeding into her delusions, watching his bill go higher and higher. I HATE family lawyers!!! Their sole purpose is to instigate, aggrivate and intimidate you and your ex, hoping to drag the horror out as long as possible, so they can charge you $300 an hour.... YOU are nothing but a future paycheck....CHA CHING!!!

                      Family Court = Negotiations... PERIOD.

                      Whether it takes 5 months or 5 years, the law dictates the outcome of the cases for the most part, and the incidentals are eventually "agree upon" by the ex's.

                      "He said", "she said" is pointless, unproductive and damaging to your future relationship... and if you have kids, you WILL have a future relationship.... FOREVER!

                      Mum24... if you are really a real person, and you have 4 children... I wish I knew how to contact their father, and give him any and all assistance I could offer, to get those kids away from YOU!!!

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                      • #26
                        Originally posted by first timer View Post
                        I agree with supermean. Grow-up mum24 and actually do what is in the best interests of your children. You do need help, parenting classes come to mind.
                        Why don't you suggest that for "Super" Dad? Oh, that's right....she's vindictive, he's the well-meaning dad.

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                        • #27
                          Originally posted by standing on the sidelines View Post
                          so he is a good father, he has married a woman the kids like,the kids have a good relationship with him and want to spend time with him.

                          You on the other hand give him grief over what the kids call his wife, want to increase CS (is this the first time in 3 years that you asked for an increase) want him to follow the agreement regarding access but feel like you can change it because you want to. How is it not in the best interest of the children to spend more time with a loving father and stepmother who they like? So what if he doesn't do fund raising??

                          I am thinking that all this started because he got married to someone else and not you. You are feeling bitter because he never married you even with the 4 kids you had together. A judge will see what you are doing and will see that it is in the best interest of the kids to spend more time with their father and if you are not careful he may get more then 50/50 custody.
                          Uh, kids should be calling their own mothers "Mom"....
                          yeah, it matters......doesn't sound like Dad is paying all the support he owes.
                          He gives her money to shut her up? Geez.

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                          • #28
                            Originally posted by JustChillin View Post
                            Uh, kids should be calling their own mothers "Mom"....
                            yeah, it matters......doesn't sound like Dad is paying all the support he owes.
                            He gives her money to shut her up? Geez.
                            Yes the child should be corrected when they call the step-mom "Mom". They should be encouraged to find another name that they feel is appropriate... some sort of pet name.

                            He is probably paying support based on his base salary, not including overtime. He is wrong if he is doing this, as OT should be included. However OT is not guaranteed. So if he gets some 1 year and none the next his C/S would fluctuate accordingly.

                            As for stopping access all together, I cannot see ONE reasonable reason that he should be denied access. Nothing this mother has stated would cause a court to remove or restrict access.

                            As for 50/50 custody, first she argues that he only brought it up recently. But later on says he's been asking for it for years in mediation. So it sounds like dad wants to be a dad.

                            And I bet I know why he doesn't show up for events that are not on his time, probably because he doesn't want to deal with Mom. I can relate, if I can avoid being around my ex I do. I do go to my child's events where possible, but limit my interaction with the ex. And by the sounds of it, this mom has registered the kids in everything under the sun. I wonder if she even consulted with the dad prior to registering them, especially if any of the activities fall on his parenting time? Looking at all of the activities a judge may even determine that they are nothing more then punative and a means of interferring with dads parenting time (don't get me started on showing up to his house during his limited time with the kids).

                            As for him being seeing the teachers and stuff, you can look at it from 2 sides....her side which he is interferring with her control over everything child...or his, that he is trying to be an involved dad and his kids education is important to him.

                            Seriously lady, you need help. You are using your kids as a weapon to get back at your ex both emotionally and financially. My ex is bad, you are a piece of work.

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                            • #29
                              Originally posted by JustChillin View Post
                              Why don't you suggest that for "Super" Dad? Oh, that's right....she's vindictive, he's the well-meaning dad.
                              If you can point me to one instance in any of her rants that in any show that this man isn't a well-meaning dad, by all means, continue bashing....

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                              • #30
                                *WOW*

                                This woman could very well be my spouse's ex... no matter how much we try to do for or with the children, she tries to sabotage. Last summer he would pay table amounts of CS and she would demand and force our hand to cover 100% of special expenses on top of CS..ie glasses...or the kids would suffer and go without.

                                Mom24, you'd never guess what happened with us... she tried going to court for us to have less time, and he begged for more. We now have sole custody.

                                Put your kids best interests in mind and stop being such a tool, it could very well back fire on you like it did to her.
                                Last edited by Tantum; 06-11-2010, 07:55 PM. Reason: the toaster told me to

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