Children activities

[Random]

Hi,

We have final settlement, child lives on 50/50 schedule. Our kid was going to 2 classes a week during the final order, and I was ok with it, but now without advance warning ex has signed up the child for an additional 7 classes a week, different activities, different part of the city, and many classes during the day when I work. Due to location of classes and fact that child's school is further away from me, it would often result in longer drive than class duration - one class is 30 minutes, and 90 minutes to commute to/from, even without my work it just doesn't make sense. Our order says I should be driving child to classes, and I did, but number of classes increased from 2 to 9 - seems to be beyond point of reasonable. Ex does offer driving child but it leaves me no time for my activities with child, and may lead to some foul play on ex's part.

So, the question what are the potential outcomes if I say no? The money for classes isn't a concern.

Thank you

[StillPaying]

It's ok to say no! You agreed to 2 and you're committed to that; if you can do a couple more, that's great, but there's no harm in sticking to what you agreed on.

Ex can sign your child up for all the classes they want, and can take them on their time. But your parenting time is yours, with your own plans and activities which your want to do. Don't let ex take over your time by them driving the child and you losing out.

[arbortrail22]

Agree with StillPaying. Unless there is prior agreement, you have no obligation to take your child to activities planned by the other parent during your parenting time. I would probe here on the type of classes- are you taking art or karate or some class that is helping with development/motor skills, PT, family language, etc...

[rockscan]

What SP said.

Also, your ex cannot sign child up for classes on your time without your permission and should be reminded of this. Even if they pay the cost they do not get to dictate how you spend your time.

The only caveat is if the classes are required for education purposes like kid is failing math and needs a tutor. Even then it should be discussed together and a reasonable alternative found that does not require so much driving.

[Random]

Thank you all. The separation agreement did say that I have to drive child to classes, and if I can't I can ask ex to drive it, however at point there were only 2 classes a week, not 9. The separation agreement didn't mention number of classes, but imo even without it it is just unreasonable.

Yes, some of the "classes" related to education - about a third of them. Child is behind in some subjects, but not the one ex signed the child up for.

[rockscan]

Thank you all. The separation agreement did say that I have to drive child to classes, and if I can't I can ask ex to drive it, however at point there were only 2 classes a week, not 9. The separation agreement didn't mention number of classes, but imo even without it it is just unreasonable.

Yes, some of the "classes" related to education - about a third of them. Child is behind in some subjects, but not the one ex signed the child up for.

If it outlines specifically the two classes then you are obligated to drive to those classes.

Your agreement should have the basic language that both parties have to agree to the activity for it to be considered a section 7 which would mean you are obligated to take them.

If it relates to their education then the argument would be made to have them attend and you drive. If it is a specialty dance class for example, you can say no. You could also recommend an alternative closer to home.

Otherwise, no is a simple enough answer.

ETA: my husband’s agreement listed out the activities his kids were in and said both parties agreed and were paying for them. After that year his ex enrolled them in other things without his permission and he was allowed to say no because he did not agree.

[Random]

We didn't list even existing classes nor their count. I know, I know, lawyers on both ends should've considering money they charged us, but they didn't. The class ex signed my kid for that is related to school is franchise , and between my ex house and my, there are 4 different branches of that center, yet ex of course chosen the one that isn't between our houses, so I have to drive from my place, pass ex's house on the way, and then drive further - if this was about kid and making sure child could attend with both parents, there were 4 alternatives from the same franchise convenient to both parents.

[rockscan]

Why did she choose it then?

[Random]

Why did she choose it then?

Mostly to annoy me, or to create conditions when I can't drive the child, and ex can, and then I am a bad parent and ex isn't. Also this class is on major of my own education and I am even licensed to teach it, which I did, which is why child was excelling in school on this subject, and ex was mad that child over achieves due to my help.

[rockscan]

Mostly to annoy me, or to create conditions when I can't drive the child, and ex can, and then I am a bad parent and ex isn't. Also this class is on major of my own education and I am even licensed to teach it, which I did, which is why child was excelling in school on this subject, and ex was mad that child over achieves due to my help.

Can you switch kid to a location closer if it is franchised?

[Random]

Can you switch kid to a location closer if it is franchised?

yes I can - confirmed with the company and I have offered that to ex, but ex demanded I do exactly as she tells me, or let her drive the child. All communication is in writing. The child can't go to two different locations simultaneously though - it can only be one center for both my and my ex weeks.

[rockscan]

yes I can - confirmed with the company and I have offered that to ex, but ex demanded I do exactly as she tells me, or let her drive the child. All communication is in writing. The child can't go to two different locations simultaneously though - it can only be one center for both my and my ex weeks.

If kid isn't struggling in this subject and you aren't obligated to pay or take kid, I would say take the time for yourself and if ex says anything, let her know she can't make unilateral decisions for your parenting time. That way it isn't about the driving it is about your time.