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Parenting arrangements for 60-40 split

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  • Parenting arrangements for 60-40 split

    We are trying for a mutual agreement for child arrangements. My spouse has agreed to keep 60 for her and 40 for myself but she doesn't want weekly arrangements. She wants one of us to keep all weekdays while the other all weekends so that kids could have one house for school etc and other for holidays.
    Could this arrangement be possible? I know it sounds weird but I am not knowledgable on this front
    Maybe what I need is the most successful arrangements on 50-50 or 60-40 split

  • #2
    I don't have experience with custody but I will say this:

    1. Of course your ex will agree to 60 for herself because that means full table support. Is there a serious reason why you can't have 50/50? Fight for it, you should have shared off set custody.

    2. It is wholly unfair to have only weekend time and it will still screw up the schedule. What happens in the summer when you want a week vacation? You get both weekends and a week of vacation meaning your ex will bitch about you having nine full days of the kids. How do pd days work? You get none or you get them all because it is technically a weekend?

    Do not agree to this split if you want 50/50 simply to reach a resolution and definitely don't agree to this not wanting week transitions. It works perfectly for others with shared custody and can be done via school or daycare pickup.


    • #3
      That 60/40 split with one parent taking weekdays and the other weekends? It might seem like it makes sense for some super unique work schedules, but generally, it's far from ideal.

      Without fail, every time I've seen a parent push for a close to 60/40 split like this—always the mother—it's been 100% about the money and nothing to do with the best interests of the kids.

      Important to note here, any drop below 40% custody on your part shifts you from paying a Child Support Offset (which is just the difference) to paying full child support. It's as if you had 0% custody.

      And if you're already sensing or dealing with a high-conflict situation (which, if it isn't yet, it probably will be soon), I'd strongly advise against going for such an arrangement. In these cases, aiming for a straight-up 50/50 split.

      So, yeah, unless there's a really solid reason behind this specific setup, I'd seriously reconsider.


      • #4
        I have experience with this kind of custody, I had every wed night and 3 out of 4 weekends. You will "make" it work, but it really doesn't. If she really wanted a mutual agreement she would accept 50/50. My lawyer made this point; you will pay support to an ex, that will put your kids on the bus every weekday, then have the rest of the day free to herself (and no she won't try to find a job), and her weekends will be free because your taking care of them... so when is she actually parenting?

        You both deserve your fair share of being a parent, not just time but all that is parenting. That includes weekly routine, helping them with homework and listening to how the teacher is being unfair, or friendships in school, helping them pack their lunch / school bag, family supper, putting them to bed. I know it sounds small now, but they are important times.

        On top of point 2 from rockscan, you will need to be clear about march break, summer vacation, holidays.. it's still complicated in a 50/50 but having less time to negotiate with makes it more complicated when discussing those things.

        Your spouse might seem reasonable, but that agreement just has her own personal interests as priority, not the kids. Try to remember you are not a paycheck, you are a parent first and foremost.


        • #5
          Agree with all of the points above. Don't do this.


          • #6
            I didn't catch at first that it's the mom avoiding weekends, focusing on school days only. This echoes the 'when is she actually parenting?' item brought up perfectly. I encountered a similar situation where a mom, specifically a teacher, wanted the parenting schedule updated so that the dad took care of the kids during March Break (always) for some 'me' time while she had the school break, and he worked. These choices reveal which parent is more about avoiding real parenting, choosing self-interest over the children's needs. Unfortunately, in Family Courts, aggression, high conflict, and not following the agreement are often rewarded and are almost certainly never penalized. Contempt and perjury are well-known jokes in Family Court, highlighting a system that fails to adequately address or deter such behavior. It's a sad reflection of a Family Court system that operates in a reverse Judgment of Solomon manner, often siding with the parent who seems less committed to actual parenting.


            • #7
              The weekday parent would be doing much more "parenting" over the weekender; not even close.

              It sounds like OP is choosing to do less parenting, so projecting 50% is not always useful. They're agreeing to do much less than 40%, while pretending to have 40% on paper.


              • #8
                Originally posted by StillPaying View Post
                The weekday parent would be doing much more "parenting" over the weekender; not even close.

                It sounds like OP is choosing to do less parenting, so projecting 50% is not always useful. They're agreeing to do much less than 40%, while pretending to have 40% on paper.
                I have a feeling it is a case of wanting to settle with OPs ex telling him what she will accept. A brief review of OP's history shows his ex has already been convicted of assault and is verbally (and I think physically) abusive. He had asked before about leaving the house while the process was going on to get away from her.

                More than likely his ex has told him she will settle if she gets 60-40. Which means she gets support payments. OP has noted his concern for the kids. With her previous conviction and her escalating abuse, OP would be successful in at least 50-50 offset if not full custody but may be afraid of dealing with his ex so he wants to settle.

                This is why I said don't settle for this garbage offer. Tell her you want 50-50 or full and will bring up her previous conviction and current behaviour if need be to get there. Do not settle for her getting more custody!


                • #9
                  I would recommend a 50/50 schedule as well, provided OP wants it.
                  Even without money motivation, it is better for child. Would you entrust education to your ex?

                  Besides, when will you be resting? Imagine you work on weekdays, then weekends you spend at the zoo, birthday parties and so on. Would you be able to come to work on Monday? Maybe every once in a while, but not after few years.


                  • #10
                    Guys this is very useful reasonings. Very much appreciated.
                    I wanted a peaceful less stress separation and hence was agreeing on this. I am glad I didn't sign anything yet
                    Will push for 50/50


                    • #11
                      What you are going through is terrible and difficult. Your ex is a bully and is trying to bully you into giving her what she wants. What you need to remember is what is best for your kids and you. Spending all that time with an abusive parent is not good for them or for you. Remember that as you go through this. What is best for your kids. That is what should push you through instead or not dealing with her.

                      Short term pain for long term gain and that gain is for your kids!


                      • #12
                        Originally posted by divorceakai View Post
                        Guys this is very useful reasonings. Very much appreciated.
                        I wanted a peaceful less stress separation and hence was agreeing on this. I am glad I didn't sign anything yet
                        Will push for 50/50
                        Mark all your communications "Without Prejudice" that will keep virtually everything out of court; otherwise it can be used against you.
                        If you make an offer and the judge sees that it could be the end.

                        50/50 is the default both parents start with that. That is it. Don't hum and haw. Provide 1 settlement offer on access that is 50/50 and on a reasonable common schedule.
                        Don't let anyone increase costs.
                        Avoid OCL and Section 30s they can complicate things, be random and the system is known to too often be corrupt.

                        Forget that weekday/weekend proposal. No judge is going to order that under any normal circumstance. It also sucks for the kid. Let me guess, she has the kid for the weekdays where school takes care of the kid and you have 24/7 duty for the time you have with them. That screams narcissist and poor parent. hopefully I just didn't lampoon you on that.

                        Stay calm and avoid engagement and all contact, there is a risk they will twist things and lie to prolong court and make it hard for you.

                        2-2-5 works well with an unreasonable ex because that way you avoid having weekday activities that rely on engagement and relying on the other parent to do the same.
                        7 day exchanges work well for most older kids that can decide and direct their own activities.
                        2-2-5 is very predictable for the kid and helps them keep stuff straight.

                        When it comes to Child Support:
                        Put in the agreement how the tax credits will be split.
                        Put into the agreement that she pays you and you pay her.
                        If you do not do this your ex will use it to cause conflict by repeatedly claiming the tax credit; then the CRA will deny both of you or simply tell you "no" and let the woman collect it. The CRA DEFINITELY has a bias towards women and I have experienced them helping my ex via lying to me about the law on it.


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