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christmas and new year's holidays

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  • christmas and new year's holidays

    Hi Forum,

    having trouble with my ex and this year's holiday schedule. In our agreement, we alternate who has the kids for Christmas Eve, Christmas Day, Boxing day, New Year's Eve and New Year's Day.

    My ex wants to take the kids away to Florida a few days before New Year's eve, over my New Year's Eve. I told her she can take the kids after New Years Eve, but not before because I still want to spend time with them over the holidays. She says she's going to book regardless of what I say.

    If she unilaterally books a trip/flights and tells the kids, without my agreement, is there anything I can do?

    She did this to me 3 years ago by booking a trip to Florida over the Christmas holidays without my approval and I told her never again. And now she's doing it again. I want to protect my holidays with my kids, but I don't want to look like the jerk stopping them from going.

    I'm always flexible during the year and allow for her to book things over my time if I don't have anything planned.

  • #2
    Tell her she can have new years and you will switch for christmas otherwise you will not be providing permission for her to leave the country with them.

    Or if you don't want to be that bold, tell her you want make up time.


    • #3
      Thanks Rockscan.

      She ended up calling her lawyer, her lawyer calling my lawyer and then calling me. What a waste of money.

      My lawyer sided with me, but suggested we switch holidays as a solution. Either Christmas or Easter for New year's. I had suggested that directly with the Ex beforehand.

      Now lawyers are talking and nothing resolved.

      Hopefully, there is a final resolution that they can come up with so this doesn't happen again.


      • #4
        She's being completely unreasonable expecting you to give up both days in one year. If she wants to go, she can give you the other day. And her lawyer should be telling her that!


        • #5
          What does your agreement say?


          • #6

            I was looking into other parenting issues when I came across your situation. It's the same problem I've had with my child's other parent. We both like to travel during the holidays. There are two alternatives that work very well although they would mean revising the agreement. But it does mean not switching on the holiday days.

            In Ontario, the school holiday is about 18 days long between the last day of school before the break and the start of school after the break, depending on your school board. The agreement could be written so parent 1 gets the child for, for example, the first 9 days of the holiday and parent 2 gets the child for the balance of the break. This means a parent gets all of Christmas and the other gets all of New Year's days. Flip every year. This gives us both the opportunity to travel with the child for a little more than a week each, each year. We've had this arrangement for a few years now and it works great and worth not switching on the holiday days. Less switching also means the child not bouncing around houses.

            My co-worker's got a different arrangement that works well for her since both parents have family who live far away. In her case, the child stays with one parent for the entire holiday each year and they take turns from one year to the next. This is great for her because it means she can travel with the child for the entire break but only once every 2 years.


            • #7
              Thank you Jessica. I did propose that to my ex before and she was a hard "no", even though it would have worked out better for the both of us.

              Here is my current language in my agreeement

              Christmas Eve/Morning and Christmas Day

              (l) Regardless of the Christmas Break schedule set out above, the children will reside with
              Mother on Christmas Eve and with Father on Christmas Day and Boxing Day in even numbered
              years and the reverse will occur in odd-number years.

              New Year's Eve/Day

              (m) The children shall alternate spending New Year's Eve with the children each year with
              mother having them in odd numbered years and Father having them in even numbered

              (n) The children will reside with Father on New Year's Day in odd numbered years and with
              Mother in even numbered years.​

              we split the holiday's evenly, (me being the father.)

              2022 even year.
              -Mother has Xmas eve, Father has Xmas and Boxing day
              -Father has New Year's Eve, Mother has New Year's day

              Update, so my ex went ahead and booked her flights over my New Year's eve without getting my approval. I told 3 times since September that she cannot have my NYE, I've suggested we switch Xmas Eve or Easter or next NYE 2023 and she refused. I've told her she can go anytime after NYE and I don't have a problem with that, but not over NYE.

              Further to this, she sent home with my daughter the parental travel consent form for me to sign on Friday. She's told my kids that they are going away.

              I have the passports.

              Can she take me to court in the next week to get a court order? or am I just overthinking this?


              • #8
                I don't believe she will get an emergency hearing so if you want to let her know you mean business, don't sign the forms or hand over the passports. She doesn't get to dictate to you. Either she gives up a different time or the kids stay with you.


                • #9
                  I just received a letter from her lawyer today, demanding that I agree to her terms and give her New Year's Eve (NYE). They claim if I don't respond by 10am tomorrow, they will get an emergency hearing. I'm pulled my lawyer into this now.

                  We have an agreement, I don't know how her lawyer thinks they can unilaterally take my NYE. I've already stated she can go away anytime after NYE, she was given multiple warnings not to book over NYE since September. How can her lawyer allow her to perpetuate this.

                  Now it's costing me money just to defend an agreement that I shouldn't have to. WTF!!!

                  I don't think either of our lawyers will be around to work on this next week and I think they will be out and so will the courts.


                  • #10
                    Her lawyer letter is a scare tactic. I would check with your local court house if they are sitting next week. You are absolutely right that she is in the wrong but her lawyer does what she tells them to do. Emergency hearings aren't for vacations that were booked against an agreement!


                    • #11
                      So, the ex and her lawyer filed for a motion for tomorrow at 2:45. They gave us notice at 2:22 today.

                      Does not meet the threshold of urgency and in proper notice.

                      My lawyer said to hold tight. I don't even have the Zoom details.

                      any ideas how to prepare for this or what is going to happen next.


                      • #12
                        Your lawyer should be able to handle things but i would prep him/her with all the examples where she has ignored the agreement and really enforce that you were willing to accommodate her if she provided make up time which she refused.


                        • #13
                          nofrills What happened?


                          • #14
                            Sorry for the delayed response

                            1. All agreed to a 10am phone meeting with her and our lawyers to try to work it out. My lawyer and I are on the call for 10am. They are a no-show for 15mins, then her lawyer comes on and says Ex can't make the meeting. WTF, if they can't make the meeting, why the fuck did they agree to the call. My lawyer pissed as she was off for the Christmas break. Ex's lawyer says something like she has Christmas shopping to do.

                            2. I notice in her Application is missing an affidavit. Was her application incomplete?

                            3. I end up calling Ex and having her bitch and complain for 30mins. I'm about to hang up because I'm so pissed off. I hold it in and tell her my summer dates and she can keep Easter, but I want 2023 NYE and she agrees. I had proposed the swapping of the 2023 NYE earlier and she rejected it. Stupidity of the ex. Typed it up in an email and send it to my lawyer. Court avoided.

                            4. I seriously don't know why I have to defend the agreement.

                            If this would have went to this court at 2:45pm, who would have looked dumber, me or my ex?

                            Thinking back on this, a part of me wanted to go to court to have someone tell my ex that there is an agreement, it needs to be followed and she can't unilaterally break it.

                            The only winners here are the lawyers.


                            • #15
                              Make sure she does give you next year nye and send her messages in advance when she would expect to buy plane tickets!


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