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  • Transportation of Children for Access/Vacations

    Typically, the parents are responsible for picking up and dropping of their child(ren) for access and vacation visits. But what happens when a parent is not available to do the transporting? For example, because his or her work schedule does not permit him to be available during the pick-up or drop-off time. Would it be better to attempt to schedule pick-up and drop-off times around that parent's work schedule (changing weekly) or would it be better to regularly rely on a spouse or trusted family member who is familiar to both the child and the other parent to facilitate transportation on their behalf at the regular pick-up and drop-off times?

    The reason I'm asking is because in our court order, it states that "in the event that the Father is not personally able to pick up and drop off his son for access visits, he shall be entitled to rely on a family member and/or a friend that the Mother and Child are familiar with, to provide transportation for the said pick-up and/or drop-off, with the Father to notify the Mother in advance of the name of the third party who shall be attending in his place."

    I have always been present for pick-ups and drop-offs, often picking the child up myself from school/daycare. Both my husband and I pick my stepson up and drop him off at the door, together. Would it be frowned upon if I - the child's stepmom and the child's father's spouse - were to regularly pick the child up and drop him off?

    Also, would my husband be required to give the mother advance notice of EVERY pick-up and drop-off, or would a one-time notice that from this day forward, I will be picking the child up and dropping him suffice?

  • #2
    If your Step-son doesn't have a problem when you pick him up from other places he shouldn't have a problem when you pick him up from his Mom's.

    I haven't personally had to do this with my step children but it could certainly come about. The closest I've come is ~ driving them to their Mom's while their Dad was present. He just couldn't drive cause he was too drunk.
    Just kidding! Shoulder surgery!
    Also, when he has been on afternoon's I've been the only one here to receive them on Friday evenings.
    Father's have to work and do other things sometimes. It's unavoidable.

    Just notify her once that you'll be picking up your s.son and hope that she doesn't have a fit, the court order stipulates it. Maybe quote it in your letter/email.

    I think in your situation a one off notification that you'll be picking up will be far easier than an ongoing discussion week to week about varying the pick-up times to accomodate your hubby's schedule. That would probably open up a big can of worms.

    Comment


    • #3
      Originally posted by Suchislife View Post
      If your step-son doesn't have a problem when you pick him up from other places he shouldn't have a problem when you pick him up from his Mom's.
      No, he never has a problem with me picking him up. He's even admitted to me the last time I picked him up from school that he likes it when I come pick him up from school or daycare. He's also always excited when I'm there with my husband to pick him up from his mom's house. The one time I wasn't, he kept questioning where I was and my husband had to call me and let him talk to me in the car to be reassured that I would be home when he arrives. I guess because I have been in his life since he was born, we have a relationship very similar to that of a mother-and-son. Heck, we do have a mother-son relationship, I'd say.

      Originally posted by Suchislife View Post
      Father's have to work and do other things sometimes. It's unavoidable.
      Exactly, especially when the job is one that pays the bills and provides for a pretty high amount of child support.

      Originally posted by Suchislife View Post
      Just notify her once that you'll be picking up your s.son and hope that she doesn't have a fit, the court order stipulates it. Maybe quote it in your letter/email. I think in your situation a one off notification that you'll be picking up will be far easier than an ongoing discussion week to week about varying the pick-up times to accomodate your hubby's schedule. That would probably open up a big can of worms.
      I agree. Our court order does stipulate the event in which my husband may not be able to personally pick up the child. We made sure that clause was put in because for a while, the mom demanded that my husband, and ONLY my husband, pick up and drop off the child. And if he was unable to, then she wouldn't release the child to anyone else - not even his parents - and he would have to forfit his visit. I wasn't even allowed to come with him, according to her! I'm just a little afraid that she may return to that opinion now that I will be the only one picking up and dropping off the child the majority of the time.

      Comment


      • #4
        NEW QUESTION...

        If the non-custodial parent has the child for a month-long vacation (month-on/month-off) and the custodial parent wishes to exercise every-other-weekend access to the child during the month the child is in the non-custodial parent's full-time care... who should be responsible for transportation? The non-custodial parent (who is the one usually providing the transportation when he exercises access) or the custodial parent (who will be the one exercising access during the month the child is residing with the non-custodial parent)?

        My stepson's mom claims that we should drop the child off for weekends with her and pick him up at the end of the weekend for the continuation of our vacation time. We're claiming otherwise, that since the child is with us on vacation for the month, and if she wishes to exercise every-other-weekend access, that she should be the one picking the child up from us and dropping him off afterwards. She's arguing the point that we usually do all the driving, so it should stay the same regardless of the schedule.

        Any thoughts?

        Comment


        • #5
          My answer would be that it is your time with the child and she has no right to interfere. An agreed amount of time that the child is to spend with you should mean just that.

          Do not give her the satisfaction of controlling your life! that is what this is all about.

          Normal access during summer vacation access etc is suspended.

          Comment


          • #6
            Originally posted by copper View Post
            My answer would be that it is your time with the child and she has no right to interfere. An agreed amount of time that the child is to spend with you should mean just that.

            Do not give her the satisfaction of controlling your life! that is what this is all about.

            Normal access during summer vacation access etc is suspended.
            We are adding to the vacation provision that every-other-weekend access - IF MUTUALLY AGREED-UPON - would take place during month-long vacation times, as to not spend too much time without seeing the child.

            The provision we are drafting is as follows:

            Each year, the Father shall have access to his son for one-half of the summer vacation, to be exercised as best suits the parties' schedules with the summer schedule to be finalized in writing no later than the 1st day of May each year. Summer access can be specifically-selected or alternating weeks (being 7 consecutive days), alternating months of July and August, or as otherwise mutually agreed-to by the parties. If mutually agreed upon, regular every-other-weekend access can be exercised by either party during said vacation time with transportation being provided by the party exercising weekend access. Both the Mother and the Father may have the same amount of summer vacation with their son, absent the other party's access during those weeks, if they so choose.

            Comment


            • #7
              Sounds good on paper but is it actually going to work? As you said previously she is already arguing about who should pick up and drop off. Are you able to trust her to follow the agreement or just when it suits her?

              Even if this was put into a court order there is no guarantee that she will abide by it and there is no way of enforcing the order without going back to court.....More expense.

              What would you do if she refused to transport the child back to you? Give in and go get the child yourself?.....It is likely you would, for the childs sake but you have then done exactly what she wanted and your "Agreement" is worthless.

              Comment


              • #8
                Yeah, you make a good point, Copper. But so far, we've been pretty lucky in the fact that she has been abiding by the court order because she expects us to abide by it. We've sorta developed an agreement in that sense, that if it's in the court order, we abide by it. We haven't had problems with that.

                After we explained to her our view on the every-other-weekend access during month-long vacations, with regards to transportation, she seemed to agree that it was the fair thing to do - for her to be responsible for driving - and she agreed to the provision as I have written it in my previous post.

                My husband and I are just greatful that she feels obligated to follow the court order and doesn't deviate from it.

                Comment


                • #9
                  lucky that she abides, the ex we are dealing with only abides when it best suites her

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Originally posted by #1StepMom View Post
                    Each year, the Father shall have access to his son for one-half of the summer vacation, to be exercised as best suits the parties' schedules with the summer schedule to be finalized in writing no later than the 1st day of May each year. Summer access can be specifically-selected or alternating weeks (being 7 consecutive days), alternating months of July and August, or as otherwise mutually agreed-to by the parties. If mutually agreed upon, regular every-other-weekend access can be exercised by either party during said vacation time with transportation being provided by the party exercising weekend access. Both the Mother and the Father may have the same amount of summer vacation with their son, absent the other party's access during those weeks, if they so choose.
                    wow great wording, I need help with that

                    Comment

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