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Hello all
my bf has joint custody of his two boys but is involved with them almost everyday. Last Friday, on his day, he took one to a hockey game and I took the other to a movie (he's not into hockey). The next day, when my bf was dropping them off, the one who went with me told him that he was worried because he knows how much his mom doesn't like me, and about her finding out that I took him to a movie (me and my bf have only been dating about 4.5 years, I have just a bit of a relationship with his kids!*sarcasm*). Well when they got back to her place, all hell broke loose. She interrogated him relentlessly about going with me. He told his dad that he said to her three times "you said you would stop questioning me about what goes on with dad" and she would stop for a bit but start up again shortly after. He said she ignored him the rest of the day until dinner, then at dinner started in on him again to the point that he felt sick and couldn't eat. He said he wanted to call his dad but that he was afraid she would find out. He also told him that he had to lie and say that he didn't have a good time and that it was just a movie, it's not like we talked or anything.
This has been an ongoing problem with her interrogating them about what they did, if they like me, telling them they can tell her anything, then when they say they love me, she loses it on them and screams "she's not your mother". My bf and his oldest, at the request of the oldest have sat her down three times over the last couple of years to tell her that the kids hate it when she badmouths their dad in front of them, that they don't like getting questioned about everytime they came back from his place, and that I'm not trying to take her place, that she needs to let whatever hostility she has towards me, go. We don't know what to do. The younger one has started to show signs of being afraid to tell her about the sports that he wants to play. She doesn't support them in any activities, its always a fight to get them to the games that they love playing.
I finally found an actual term for this, Hostile Aggressive Parenting and believe me, this woman exhibits every single sign. She doesn't tell the kids he calls them or won't let them answer the phone if they're home, she won't respond about things like when their vacations are or if she's actually for once going to take them to their tournaments, leaves it to the last minute and then says oh sorry its too late you do it, she accuses them of defending their dad when they're just telling the truth, she keeps him out of decisions involving them, getting report cards and parent teacher meetings. She moved in with this guy like 6 mos after they started dating (she got knocked up) and she actually put down on the school contact form his name as stepfather and their real father was fourth! I was helping them with their homework and saw the form to be reviewed for any mistakes, told my bf what it said, then when he confronted her about it she lied and said it was a mistake. Unfortunately, she's not that smart and didnt realize that when she put down the stepdad info, it included way more than the fourth spot like workplace, email address, cellphone number, stuff they wouldnt know if it was only a mistake.
He takes them to everything, doctors, dentists, sports, buys their cloths, haircuts. She even refused to take time off work to take the older one to get his braces off and my bf had a really important meeting that he couldn't reschedule because she was supposed to take him so I took time off work to take him! I would have thought a real mother would have wanted to see that. That's ok though I guess, it brought tears to my eyes seeing how happy he was to have them off! She is highly irrational. Last summer one of them had a ball tournament in London, they were in the Muskokas for summer vacation and the day they drove home my bfs plan was to meet her in London which is on the way home to get the kids since the tournament was there anyhow, he would have been right on time as well. She refused to stop, she got all the way back here to the Windsor area, and they had to get in the car with my bf and turn around and drive back to London. He said he could hear the older one in the background saying "but mom, its on the way, why cant you just stop at a reststop?" It's been a life of lovely childish acts like that. We need legal advice, Hostile Aggressive Parenting is a relatively new phrase so does anyone out there know what to do? What steps should we take?
my bf has joint custody of his two boys but is involved with them almost everyday. Last Friday, on his day, he took one to a hockey game and I took the other to a movie (he's not into hockey). The next day, when my bf was dropping them off, the one who went with me told him that he was worried because he knows how much his mom doesn't like me, and about her finding out that I took him to a movie (me and my bf have only been dating about 4.5 years, I have just a bit of a relationship with his kids!*sarcasm*). Well when they got back to her place, all hell broke loose. She interrogated him relentlessly about going with me. He told his dad that he said to her three times "you said you would stop questioning me about what goes on with dad" and she would stop for a bit but start up again shortly after. He said she ignored him the rest of the day until dinner, then at dinner started in on him again to the point that he felt sick and couldn't eat. He said he wanted to call his dad but that he was afraid she would find out. He also told him that he had to lie and say that he didn't have a good time and that it was just a movie, it's not like we talked or anything.
This has been an ongoing problem with her interrogating them about what they did, if they like me, telling them they can tell her anything, then when they say they love me, she loses it on them and screams "she's not your mother". My bf and his oldest, at the request of the oldest have sat her down three times over the last couple of years to tell her that the kids hate it when she badmouths their dad in front of them, that they don't like getting questioned about everytime they came back from his place, and that I'm not trying to take her place, that she needs to let whatever hostility she has towards me, go. We don't know what to do. The younger one has started to show signs of being afraid to tell her about the sports that he wants to play. She doesn't support them in any activities, its always a fight to get them to the games that they love playing.
I finally found an actual term for this, Hostile Aggressive Parenting and believe me, this woman exhibits every single sign. She doesn't tell the kids he calls them or won't let them answer the phone if they're home, she won't respond about things like when their vacations are or if she's actually for once going to take them to their tournaments, leaves it to the last minute and then says oh sorry its too late you do it, she accuses them of defending their dad when they're just telling the truth, she keeps him out of decisions involving them, getting report cards and parent teacher meetings. She moved in with this guy like 6 mos after they started dating (she got knocked up) and she actually put down on the school contact form his name as stepfather and their real father was fourth! I was helping them with their homework and saw the form to be reviewed for any mistakes, told my bf what it said, then when he confronted her about it she lied and said it was a mistake. Unfortunately, she's not that smart and didnt realize that when she put down the stepdad info, it included way more than the fourth spot like workplace, email address, cellphone number, stuff they wouldnt know if it was only a mistake.
He takes them to everything, doctors, dentists, sports, buys their cloths, haircuts. She even refused to take time off work to take the older one to get his braces off and my bf had a really important meeting that he couldn't reschedule because she was supposed to take him so I took time off work to take him! I would have thought a real mother would have wanted to see that. That's ok though I guess, it brought tears to my eyes seeing how happy he was to have them off! She is highly irrational. Last summer one of them had a ball tournament in London, they were in the Muskokas for summer vacation and the day they drove home my bfs plan was to meet her in London which is on the way home to get the kids since the tournament was there anyhow, he would have been right on time as well. She refused to stop, she got all the way back here to the Windsor area, and they had to get in the car with my bf and turn around and drive back to London. He said he could hear the older one in the background saying "but mom, its on the way, why cant you just stop at a reststop?" It's been a life of lovely childish acts like that. We need legal advice, Hostile Aggressive Parenting is a relatively new phrase so does anyone out there know what to do? What steps should we take?
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