Sick During Assigned Visit

[Spankie111]

Hello! I'm writing on behalf of my girlfriend.

She has primary care and control of her 6 year old daughter and the father has visitation access every second weekeend. In the event that the father cancels a weekend visit (eg. he is out of town), no make up visit will be provided by the mother. However if the mother cancels a weekend visit, she must provide a make up date for him.

What should she do if the child is sick on the day of an assigned weekend visit? She cancelled his visit this past weekend because the daughter was too sick but now the father is calling her school and verifying that she was sick. My girlfriend is now second guessing herself and thinking that she should have let her daughter go with him.

If the child is sick, wouldn't it make sense to have the child get better first and provide a makeup visit later? Letting the child out could make her sicker. However, allowing the father to continue with his visit will give him an opportunity to see what the mother goes through when the child is sick.

Has anyone had any similar experiences?

Any thoughts or comments would be greatly appreciated.

Thanks!

[Kimberley]

I would have to say that it depends on the child, the age, the sickness etc. When a child just has a cold (cough, sniffles, no fever) then I see no reason to cancel a visit. If the child has something more severe, or a concerning temperature, then I think it should be discussed with the child's father regardless and let him have to opportunity to be the parent that cuddles the child in sickness.

[ikikass70]

No, not in my opinion.

By cancelling the visit, the Mother is saying that only she is qualified to care for the child. That is not correct.

Fathers have as much right as Mothers to provide care for a sick child. My spouse gets his daughter without fail. Regardless of whether she is sick or not. He gets up with her if she has fevers and rubs her back if she vomits. It is all part in parcel of raising a child and both parents are equally qualified.

She should not be cancelling visits unless travel would cause undue pain and discomfort for the child. (Ex: uncontrollable diarrhea or vomiting.)

[standing on the sidelines]

No, not in my opinion.

By cancelling the visit, the Mother is saying that only she is qualified to care for the child. That is not correct.

Fathers have as much right as Mothers to provide care for a sick child. My spouse gets his daughter without fail. Regardless of whether she is sick or not. He gets up with her if she has fevers and rubs her back if she vomits. It is all part in parcel of raising a child and both parents are equally qualified.

She should not be cancelling visits unless travel would cause undue pain and discomfort for the child. (Ex: uncontrollable diarrhea or vomiting.)

gotta agree.

[Gord Shell]

I also 100% agree with ikikass70, it is extremely incorrect to imply or say that only the mother can care for a sick child. My ex used to do this to me and it always bothered me. She used to say that my daughter needed to be with her if she was sick, and would cancel my visitation.

Fathers (good ones, caring ones) are capable of taking care of their sick children just as well as mothers.

[FL_Needs_To_Change]

I too must agree, father's (non-custodial) parents have not lost their ability to love and care for their child. They too must be given the respect of being a parent and all that it entails, smiles or vomit. I think the proper way to address this is to discuss it with him, and together mom and dad should have an equal say into where and what is best for the daughter relative to her best interests not the mother's preferences.

In fact my husband is far more companionate to our daughter then our son, and equally for me, not that either of us is not deeply companionate to both kids, we are both deeply committed to them. But I’ve watched as dad held the daughter’s hair while she was sick, or dad would rub the son’s back when he was under the weather, etc. Or I would take that role depending on the situation. I think dads and daughters have a bond like no other. And that is how I feel that this situation should also be viewed.

[#1StepMom]

I agree with all the posters. Unless the child is so very ill that travelling would only cause them further pain/discomfort (and with this, we must take into account the distance/length of travel as well), he/she should be released by the custodial parent to the non-custodial parent for his/her visitation weekend.

I have spent countless sleepless nights at the bedside of my sick stepson while my fiancé ran to a 24hr pharmacy to pick up medication, or vice versa.

It's nice to know that the custodial parent is willing to provide a make-up visit, but in reality, the non-custodial parent should be allowed to care for his/her child in sickness and in health. ;-)

[Spankie111]

Interesting comments. Thanks for the feedback!

[stevepiper]

Do what is best for the child

You need to simply do what is best for the child.

[WorkingDAD]

Hello! I'm writing on behalf of my girlfriend.

She has primary care and control of her 6 year old daughter and the father has visitation access every second weekeend. In the event that the father cancels a weekend visit (eg. he is out of town), no make up visit will be provided by the mother. However if the mother cancels a weekend visit, she must provide a make up date for him.

What should she do if the child is sick on the day of an assigned weekend visit? She cancelled his visit this past weekend because the daughter was too sick but now the father is calling her school and verifying that she was sick. My girlfriend is now second guessing herself and thinking that she should have let her daughter go with him.

If the child is sick, wouldn't it make sense to have the child get better first and provide a makeup visit later? Letting the child out could make her sicker. However, allowing the father to continue with his visit will give him an opportunity to see what the mother goes through when the child is sick.

Has anyone had any similar experiences?

Any thoughts or comments would be greatly appreciated.

Thanks!

our mom try to cancel visit even when kid is teething (according to her) and has temperature 37.5 C (what is actually meant nothing not even that child is sick)

but than she said that child is perfect when he in fact has pinkeye and I has to bring him to walk in clinic...

so I would say unless it something really really bad (and if that a case child should probably attend er) go with your time. It you responsibility too to care about kid when he sick...

[NBDad]

She has primary care and control of her 6 year old daughter and the father has visitation access every second weekeend. In the event that the father cancels a weekend visit (eg. he is out of town), no make up visit will be provided by the mother. However if the mother cancels a weekend visit, she must provide a make up date for him.

The mother should rarely, if ever cancel a scheduled weekend. Unless there is a signed court order allowing her this, she has no right to cancel the father's assigned parenting time. It can be used against her if he grows half a brain or find a halfway competant lawyer.

What should she do if the child is sick on the day of an assigned weekend visit? She cancelled his visit this past weekend because the daughter was too sick but now the father is calling her school and verifying that she was sick

She should allow the child to go with the father and let him care for her. Or at least offer the father the option. (ie. if the child has spontaneous diarrhea...if he wants to risk cleaning up his vehicle...that's HIS prerogative). The only time this would not hold true would be if the child is in the hospital/etc. Otherwise, he is as much a parent as the mother is, he should get to equally share the downsides to that as well as the upsides.

[HammerDad]

As mentioned, unless doing to parenting exchange would potentially harm the child, it is the NCP's parenting time.

Being a parent is more then just looking after the kids when they are healthy.

If the child is sick, your g/f should have let her ex know and let HIM make the decision about whether or not he is going to exercise his parenting time. The CP does not have the authority to unilaterally decide whether or not the NCP gets to exercise their parenting time.

Hopefully your g/f offered compensatory makeup time to be exercised ASAP, apologized and won't make the same mistake again. Otherwise, she has denied access and could be found in contempt if her ex really pushed it.

[Rioe]

First of all, this is a resurrected thread, so I'm pretty sure the child is all better by now!

[quote=HammerDad;84429]If the child is sick, your g/f should have let her ex know and let HIM make the decision about whether or not he is going to exercise his parenting time. The CP does not have the authority to unilaterally decide whether or not the NCP gets to exercise their parenting time.[quote]

But I am interested in finding out more about this notion of the other parent being given the choice about taking the child or not. As it's the prescribed access time, isn't he responsible for taking the child, ill or healthy? Why should the NCP be able to choose to only take the child when she's not sick? Just as the CP can't refuse to let him have the child when she's sick, shouldn't the NCP not be able to refuse to take the child?

Obviously, in an ideal situation, they would communicate and discuss what is best for the child overall, and also, it's probably not wise for a sick child to go with a parent who isn't willing to take good care of her, but strictly by the letter, I don't think the NCP gets a choice.

[HammerDad]

[quote=Rioe;84440]First of all, this is a resurrected thread, so I'm pretty sure the child is all better by now!

[quote=HammerDad;84429] If the child is sick, your g/f should have let her ex know and let HIM make the decision about whether or not he is going to exercise his parenting time. The CP does not have the authority to unilaterally decide whether or not the NCP gets to exercise their parenting time .

But I am interested in finding out more about this notion of the other parent being given the choice about taking the child or not. As it's the prescribed access time, isn't he responsible for taking the child, ill or healthy? Why should the NCP be able to choose to only take the child when she's not sick? Just as the CP can't refuse to let him have the child when she's sick, shouldn't the NCP not be able to refuse to take the child?

Man, I am normally good for picking up necromancy.....must have missed this one....

Regarding point of causing the NCP to use their parenting time....there are no remedies for NCP's not using their time. No court will force a parent to parent when they don't want to. Biggest reason being, does anyone really think it is in the kids best interests to be under the supervision of someone who really doesn't want them? My guess would be no...

However, should the CP have any plans that would cause them to lose money by a) hiring a babysitter or b) cancelling the plans and possibly losing the costs, lets say concert tickets that they couldn't re-sell, the CP is entitled to request reimbursement from the NCP. The NCP probably will fight paying it, but a judge would find that their actions caused the CP to incur extra expenses, and thus the NCP should bear the burden of those expenses.

It isn't common for CP's or NCP's to get into this, but there is some case law....it is just too expensive for minor matters to bother seeking the remedy.

[stevepiper]

I agree... you should give the access unless seriously ill.... which is not very often for most normal children. The problem is many women now use the children as weapons to get back at their ex.... This should not be tolerated by judges and the lawyer should be able to use it to give the father more excess.