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In a panic

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  • In a panic

    Well, how to start... I was in a relationship years ago with a very abusive man. I finally got up the nerve to leave him over 13 years ago when he knocked my now 16 year old daughter out cold, (she was almost 4 at the time). after going through the legal system, because of his unpredictable and violent behaviour, he lost access to the kids. It got so bad that the police had to be at the court house every court appearance. For years he bothered me, stealing my car, breaking into my house, stalking me and the kids....that ended up with him stabbing me in front of the kids about 9 years ago. He did his time...bothered my again once when he was released, but when threatened with deportation (he's from Scotland)...finally...left me and the kids alone. forward....The FRO took him to court because he was over 10,000 dollars behind in child support. He, in return went back to court to have his payments lowered. He had me served at work, I decided after reading the material, the emotional turmoil that I would go threw in having to be any where near him. out weighed any money issues. I had lived years without the extra other words it wasn't worth it.
    Monday I recieved court documents stating that that arrears have been changed...I don't care...what I do care about is that the judge,(who obviously had no knowledge of my ex's history) granted him visitation with my youngest every month on the first saturday of the month for 6 hours. My youngest is now 13 and has made it very clear about her feelings on this issue..."not in this life time". Yesterday I recieved a letter from the ex stating he will be in my apartment lobby this saturday and that "I better have Rebbeccah (her name's spelt Rebecca) there. Panic attack...I didn't know he even knew where we lived.
    Last night my daughter wrote him a letter c/o his parents stating she does not want to see him. She has not laid eyes on him since the stabbing issue, which was about 9 years ago. He obviously has our address, if he was sincere in having a relationship with my daughter, why would he not write to her first and get to know her a bit? God, I have spent sooo many years in court and spent thousands of dollars.....I don't know what to do...I don't want to start all over again down that path. Any suggestions?

  • #2
    I am so sorry to read about your issue....I would be just as nervous as you if it was me in your situation. With that said I am really surprised that the court gave him visitation rights that are not supervised given the history in this matter. I also do not understand how he could get a court order regarding visitation without serving you or was that on the original documents you were served at work and overlooked it due to the turmoil of the entire issue. The other issue is ... due to the violence involved in your relationship with him was there or is there a restraining order from any other previous orders in force still. If so I would think this would be a good time to find out what can happen if he breaks the restraining order. If you have moved to another town where the police do not know the history I would be asking them to gather information from the police authority where you once lived so that they have the history. With regards to him finding out where you now reside that is not very hard to do for someone who wants to find out. Unfortunately you more than likely will have to return to court in some manner with regards to the visitation portion for your child.


    • #3
      Anyone in your situation will panic.I understand you went through hell and don't want your children to go through the same.
      I strongly think that even your youngest is at a age(13yrs) where her say will matter.If she is not willing to go nobody can push her.Let him go to court again and then you can show up self represented/with a lawyer.Save your $$ and don't initiate the court process .
      Though FL NEEDS TO CHANGE (our moderator) can provide legally correct advise .
      In the mean time stay strong and careful.He can try to hurt you again


      • #4
        Hmmmm......... The puzzling point is, as Dovan already pointed out, how did the visitation get brought before the court without your knowledge?

        Do you have a copy of the order or did he just write you saying that? Does it say that the visit is unsupervised or that he can come to your home to pick her up?

        I also agree that you will have to return to court to address this unfortunate situation.


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