Child relocation to a different province, but still 50/50??

[letgo]

Hello everyone I hope you're all well. Me and x have been divorced for about 6 years now, we've had 50/50 parenting time since the start and a court order for shared custody. We live in Ontario, our child is now 13 and has been homeschooled for the past few years.

She's moved around a bit, I've stayed in the same place throughout the years but it's always been 50/50 parenting time. We have a parenting plan we both signed and in it, it says we can't move to where access would be affected.



She now wants to move with her family (has 2 kids and husb) to Alberta. She suggests for the parenting time he can spend 2 months there and 2 months here. I don't like the idea of the move but she told our son about it and he said he's fine with doing that. The question is what is the best route to take? I don't know how it would even work.

Like would he have healthcare in both Alberta and Ontario? How would it affect our legal rights as a parent?

Let's say she wants to move again after that somewhere else or another country, would allowing my son to be in Alberta half the time have a negative impact on a custody case?

How could I protect my rights as a father in a situation like this? The idea of not seeing him for 2 months is heartbreaking. He seems to be okay with it at the moment but I'm very conflicted. All and any advice/information would be greatly appreciated. Thank you.

[letgo]

Thank you for your response. I'd also like to mention other members of her family are also planning to move down there as well, her mother, her father and his wife, possibly her sister too. The travel accommodations would be split but that theoretically could happen, I don't know. You're right about getting a lawyers opinion on the matter.

[rockscan]

She and her whole calvary can go but the child stays here. She cannot move him and she can’t encourage him to go. You need to ask her how she would feel if that was the offer you made to her.

I have a family member who had the same thing with their two kids at 14 and 13. He self repped and won in court to keep them in Ontario. The argument was that their life is here. You need to speak to a lawyer and do not accept it if you can’t agree.

[letgo]

She and her whole calvary can go but the child stays here. She cannot move him and she can�t encourage him to go. You need to ask her how she would feel if that was the offer you made to her.

I have a family member who had the same thing with their two kids at 14 and 13. He self repped and won in court to keep them in Ontario. The argument was that their life is here. You need to speak to a lawyer and do not accept it if you can�t agree.

He already said he's looking forward to going there and spending 2 months here and there, his grandmother (the one going there on her side) also has been talking him up about the trip so I'm not surprised he's feeling that way. So I feel like I'm in limbo right now. I'm glad your family member was able to get that outcome. I'm trying to look at both sides of this thing, like things on my end and from his point of view but it's hard.

[letgo]

Of course grandmother will talk it up, she knows the reality of what is going on and that they are the ones pushing the envelope. She is not going to say that the scenario/move sucks and say anything that might change the kids mind. This is a matter between mom, dad and child. Sorry, but grandmother's thoughts are irrelevant and she is seen as coaching the child.

You're right about that. What I'm curious to know is, if this kind of arrangement could actually work, like do people do this? If he's bouncing from one province to another how does that work for things like child benefits and health care and stuff. Is it even worth considering that stuff? Or do I just try to keep the status quo without giving it consideration? Like part of me tries to look at it from his eyes and wonders what if he's happy with that arrangement?



Blocking her from taking him there 2 months at a time would essentially bar him from spending time with his mom also, I don't want him to not spend time with his mom but also moving across the country isn't ideal either.

[rockscan]

She is the one deciding to move your child away. The last thing you should feel is bad for her.

How it will work is this: after a few months kid will hate to be away for two months. His life will be there. He will want to be close to friends and potentially a job. Then he will have university/college and hate spending so much time with mom and dad. Slowly you will lose time with him. Not to mention the cost of airfare will increase and flights will get cancelled and all of that takes a toll.

As for health coverage, he will probably have to set it in one province and do all his appointments there. If he has an emergency in the other province, that parent will have to do the paperwork for it at that time.

He can’t have an equal life in two places. This isnt a four hours away by car kind of thing. This is a plane ride and different time zone kind of thing. She is moving her family away. Do you really want to have her take your child?

[letgo]

If indeed the idea is to split time with other parent, the likely outcome would be that child would spend school year with you (as you are not uprooting child) and the child would spend entire summer, Christmas break, and Spring break with mom in Alberta. Flip-flopping 3000km would likely not be a consideration.

He no longer attends his local school as he's been homeschooling, she brought up the fact that homeschooling him should make the back and forth easy. I would much rather he spend the times you listed over there and regular time here.

[letgo]

She is the one deciding to move your child away. The last thing you should feel is bad for her.

How it will work is this: after a few months kid will hate to be away for two months. His life will be there. He will want to be close to friends and potentially a job. Then he will have university/college and hate spending so much time with mom and dad. Slowly you will lose time with him. Not to mention the cost of airfare will increase and flights will get cancelled and all of that takes a toll.

As for health coverage, he will probably have to set it in one province and do all his appointments there. If he has an emergency in the other province, that parent will have to do the paperwork for it at that time.

He can�t have an equal life in two places. This isnt a four hours away by car kind of thing. This is a plane ride and different time zone kind of thing. She is moving her family away. Do you really want to have her take your child?

That's true. Good points. I would have to figure out how to negotiate this. It's tricky because she doesn't want to go to court and doesn't want less than 50/50 custody with this move of hers planned. I feel like she's using him to keep a 50/50 schedule, like saying this is what he wants and she's assuring him it will stay the same, which is a problem because then thats how he will want it to be.
Then I come and say no, it won't be 50/50.

[rockscan]

I hate to be a Debbie Downer but even with home schooling you can’t have 50/50 when the distance is this great. Ottawa and Gatineau are a special case because of their proximity. Alberta requires a flight. Is your ex going to enforce 50/50 or will it become “he has xyz happening this month and wants to stay”. Not to mention the mental and physical toll on your son. She should never have involved him without speaking to you first.

[iona6656]

i agree with the rest of the posters about consulting a lawyer...

just wondering though- would OP be open/able to relocate to Alberta as well? I mean- it's just a thought. It doesn't seem like OP currently has an acrimonious relationship with the other parent.

[letgo]

I hate to be a Debbie Downer but even with home schooling you can�t have 50/50 when the distance is this great. Not to mention the mental and physical toll on your son. She should never have involved him without speaking to you first.

I believe you're right thank you for the reality check, the question is do I file for sole custody right now? Or do I tell x this arrangement won't be happening and wait for her to file court papers?

Like Brampton mentioned ... I would put your foot down on this matter. If your Ex wants to move out West that's fine -- but your kid stays here and can visit your Ex on holidays / summers.

Thanks I will do that.

OP: Your intentions are good. But naïve. Speak to a lawyer and he/she will tell you the same. Its time to put your foot down. Otherwise, it is likely that your kid will reside full-time in Alberta.

Thank you for being real about it I'll be letting her know I won't agree to this arrangement that isn't in our son's best interests.

i agree with the rest of the posters about consulting a lawyer...

just wondering though- would OP be open/able to relocate to Alberta as well? I mean- it's just a thought. It doesn't seem like OP currently has an acrimonious relationship with the other parent.

I wouldn't move there, I have my entire family here and have lived here my whole life, we have lots of sentimental ties to the city and nothing for us in Alberta. Will consult a lawyer today hopefully one is available and I have a clear idea of the next steps. Thanks.

[letgo]

Save the money .. let her know the arrangement won't be happening and she has no chance in getting it. If she wants to file .. let her.

Thank you Bogdan, in regards to my son, when he asks me why I didn't want it to happen what do you suggest, the truth? I probably shouldn't point out that they were putting pressure on him about it right, so just let him know how I felt it wasn't best for him?

[letgo]

If its amicable with ex, keep it at joint custody. Custody only means "decision-making responsibilities". Note: This means you will consult with ex and equally agree on decisions relating to religion, education, and medical. At your kid's age, the religion has already been decided. Also, I guess your ex would have to agree if kid wants to go to regular school rather than keep homeschooling. Note: Putting foot down may change this amicable parenting relationship into non-amicable. So you need to protect your interests and your child's interests.

Thanks I agree, what was once amicable is almost definitely going to change on her end. I was even close to her other children, it's sad it comes to this but I have to protect my son at the end of the day. Any advice on how to approach the issue when my son asks me about why I don't want to agree to that schedule/move she proposed?

[rockscan]

Thank you Bogdan, in regards to my son, when he asks me why I didn't want it to happen what do you suggest, the truth? I probably shouldn't point out that they were putting pressure on him about it right, so just let him know how I felt it wasn't best for him?

You tell him that his mom should not have talked to him about it before speaking to you. That you love him very much and don’t want to be apart from him even for two months.

He’s old enough that you can have a frank conversation about wanting to be a part of his life and that if you were still married it would be a family discussion with you included.

Your response to your ex is no you don’t agree, his home is here and if she wants to move with her family, you will happily have your son move in permanently with trips out to her (and no support since she will pay for his travel). I would also tell her that you are requesting her other family members not engage your son in the discussion as it is between the two of you.

Talk to a lawyer about next steps—not filing anything but next steps in case she decides to just go. They may have some advice. Tell them straight out you only want some advice and not to move with anything. They may send a letter to her on your request that may set her straight. Like the others said, she knows she can’t legally do it.

I should also mention that this may seem really cruel that she is being prevented from moving and she may lay on the emotions and guilt but this is your kid too. Just because she has repartnered and had more kids does not mean she has more power. You are this child’s other parent and that holds as much weight.

[letgo]

The truth .. that his roots, friends and family are here.
That you and your Ex agree (per contract) that you would not be moving apart for your best interest.
That mommy wants to move regardless (and she's free too).
No need to mention the pressure thing.

Thanks I'll keep this in mind. I feel like they've been hyping him up about the move so much though, not sure what his response will be, might be anger.