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Need an urgent advise. I am truly mad as it concerns the child

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  • #16
    I would think if you were sending your child off for an outdoor visit at noon you would prep the child including feeding it and putting sun screen on.

    Theres also this battle between not wanting dad to get the upper hand at court but also wanting to deal with his behaviour.

    Your ex is useless as a caregiver, that is evident but he is still the childs father and he should be able to spend time with his child without you hovering or spying.

    You set the boundaries on the time and prepare kid for that time. If he has court ordered time (ie three hours every other Saturday) you follow up with him on Wednesday and ask if he plans to exercise his full time and that you will wait 48 hours for his confirmation otherwise you will not be available.

    It is reasonable to set that boundary, it is not reasonable to behave in this manner.

    Comment


    • #17
      Originally posted by blinkandimgone View Post
      So you've already been to court on this, what did the judge say?
      Judge asked for the first 5 visitations to be supervised.

      The father does not show up. Did only twice. Did not go well with the lady that supervised him before.

      He said, he does not want anybody to watch him.

      Child was fed, extra food provided.
      I was not video recording the entire visit.
      Only when something was wrong.
      I am not allowed to interfere but to report if anything anything happens.
      Does not matter how it looks for you.
      The dad lives 3 mins away but says lives 83 km away.
      As I said, my lawyer advised not to interfere during the visit.
      I was watching just to make sure he won't take the child somewhere else.

      You give him the whole food, cap, sun cream - he won't even look into the bag. This was observed by others too.

      Comment


      • #18
        Originally posted by kate331 View Post
        The way I am seeing this right now is the OP is an accomplice to the abuse against this toddler. Video taping abuse of a child without stepping in to stop it, she is just as guilty. And it looks like she did set the child up for it too.

        I also think there could be a language barrier that her story isn't coming across well, just my opinion.
        I was not video taping the visit. Only when something was wrong.

        I am not allowed to interfere with visits but the judge said, first 5 visits to be supervised by someone or the mother.
        The father came to 2 visits only out of 5.
        I thought if I supervise he may show up, which he did.
        That's why he did not care in front of me to show the care for the child.
        I called my lawyer and said this - I was told not to interfere.
        Because the father does not like that.

        Comment


        • #19
          Originally posted by rockscan View Post
          I would think if you were sending your child off for an outdoor visit at noon you would prep the child including feeding it and putting sun screen on.

          There�s also this battle between not wanting dad to get the upper hand at court but also wanting to deal with his behaviour.

          Your ex is useless as a caregiver, that is evident but he is still the child�s father and he should be able to spend time with his child without you hovering or spying.

          You set the boundaries on the time and prepare kid for that time. If he has court ordered time (ie three hours every other Saturday) you follow up with him on Wednesday and ask if he plans to exercise his full time and that you will wait 48 hours for his confirmation otherwise you will not be available.

          It is reasonable to set that boundary, it is not reasonable to behave in this manner.
          Sun cream was applied by me.
          But he put the child on an iron swing in playground, when it was super hot.
          As I said, I could not interfere.

          Comment


          • #20
            But hovering is still interfering. Hes had his opportunities for his five visits and he refused them. So from now on you tell him he needs to make an appointment with the supervisory for the time and you will accommodate.

            Comment


            • #21
              Originally posted by Stillbreathing View Post
              I agree with respondent. Your actions indicate you were NOT supervising. You were spying! A judge would also see it that way. When is your next court date? The judge will likely order somebody else to supervise your ex other than you if they think your ex still requires supervision. But, as others have mentioned, supervised visits are only supposed to be a temporary measure.
              Yes, I am also asking for indoor places only during the hot or cold weather.
              At winter, he does not show up at all. Only at summer times once in a while. He prefers to be outside and not taking the child anywhere else.
              I have provided aces where he can take her as a suggestion. The lawyer said, the client will keep the child outdoor only.
              I don't really care. I am ok with outdoors activities as long as it's safe.
              I am asking the court to allow the interference during the visitation.
              As for the temporary visitation time, I don't think he will be coming any way. He is forced by the judge and his lawyer to come for visits.

              Comment


              • #22
                Originally posted by rockscan View Post
                But hovering is still interfering. He�s had his opportunities for his five visits and he refused them. So from now on you tell him he needs to make an appointment with the supervisory for the time and you will accommodate.
                That's we said. He refused. He said feeding the child, changind
                her diaper, putting her to sleep is not his responsibility. He said, my visits are 2 hrs only. But he had 5 hrs of visitation, he refused to take. Again, not to do thr abovementioned things.
                His next visit is 6 hrs, he took an hour only and said, I won't be feeding the child and that she does need a water or diaper change. It's just an hour visit, as per him.
                Yet he tells court in his motion, I am happy to do all of this if I am given more time. Yet he refuses all this time given to him.
                The issue is, he won't do anything for child or meet her needs even if she asks when he is alone.
                It's a very conflicting situation, where the word I say for the child is taken negatively but he himself suggests nothing. He says to his lawyer, he does not communicate with me.
                When I asked in my email, let me know how would you like me to help you to have a better visits with child and less stressful - he replies nothing. Yet he does not want me to complain at all.

                Comment


                • #23
                  Originally posted by rockscan View Post
                  But hovering is still interfering. He�s had his opportunities for his five visits and he refused them. So from now on you tell him he needs to make an appointment with the supervisory for the time and you will accommodate.
                  I agree with you that hovering is still interfering. Therefore, I am refusing his ask all visits to be supervised by me.

                  Comment


                  • #24
                    Originally posted by Brampton33 View Post
                    Hiding in the bushes and periodically turning on/off camera is still videotaping. This will end badly for you. Sorry.

                    Why not this.... when your ex shows up, you have a bag ready that contains sunscreen, snacks, sunhat, heck, even a small portable fan from the dollar store. Have the kid fed ahead of time. That would look much better on you, rather than purposely setting your ex to fail (and secretly videotaping it).

                    Your ex can learn to parent. Kids grow fast. However a judge will not look kindly upon secretly videotaping, gatekeeping, and articling visits minute-by-minute. That reeks of controling behaviour.
                    Again, I have provided everything. He never touched them.

                    Comment


                    • #25
                      Originally posted by Brampton33 View Post
                      Hiding in the bushes and periodically turning on/off camera is still videotaping. This will end badly for you. Sorry.

                      Why not this.... when your ex shows up, you have a bag ready that contains sunscreen, snacks, sunhat, heck, even a small portable fan from the dollar store. Have the kid fed ahead of time. That would look much better on you, rather than purposely setting your ex to fail (and secretly videotaping it).

                      Your ex can learn to parent. Kids grow fast. However a judge will not look kindly upon secretly videotaping, gatekeeping, and articling visits minute-by-minute. That reeks of controling behaviour.
                      You are talking about person that could learn to be a parent and should learn. My case is not the same.

                      I just wish it was. So far we are demanding him to see the child.

                      Comment


                      • #26
                        Originally posted by Brampton33 View Post
                        Hiding in the bushes and periodically turning on/off camera is still videotaping. This will end badly for you. Sorry.

                        Why not this.... when your ex shows up, you have a bag ready that contains sunscreen, snacks, sunhat, heck, even a small portable fan from the dollar store. Have the kid fed ahead of time. That would look much better on you, rather than purposely setting your ex to fail (and secretly videotaping it).

                        Your ex can learn to parent. Kids grow fast. However a judge will not look kindly upon secretly videotaping, gatekeeping, and articling visits minute-by-minute. That reeks of controling behaviour.
                        Hiding in Bushes is just for the child not to see. Otherwise the child would want to come to me.

                        Comment


                        • #27
                          Originally posted by rockscan View Post
                          I would think if you were sending your child off for an outdoor visit at noon you would prep the child including feeding it and putting sun screen on.

                          There�s also this battle between not wanting dad to get the upper hand at court but also wanting to deal with his behaviour.

                          Your ex is useless as a caregiver, that is evident but he is still the child�s father and he should be able to spend time with his child without you hovering or spying.

                          You set the boundaries on the time and prepare kid for that time. If he has court ordered time (ie three hours every other Saturday) you follow up with him on Wednesday and ask if he plans to exercise his full time and that you will wait 48 hours for his confirmation otherwise you will not be available.

                          It is reasonable to set that boundary, it is not reasonable to behave in this manner.
                          He never followed the 48 hr notice. In fact, always texts last minute. He was informed by my lawyer at least 10 times. No visits if he is late with notices. He still late and I still provide the child. And I don't make any any plans on his Saturday, even when there is no notice of any kind, as he can come and say, I did not show up.

                          Comment


                          • #28
                            Originally posted by rockscan View Post
                            But hovering is still interfering. He�s had his opportunities for his five visits and he refused them. So from now on you tell him he needs to make an appointment with the supervisory for the time and you will accommodate.
                            Just realized your suggestion. His appointment is the day before the visit. What if the child is not available?

                            Comment


                            • #29
                              I guess it is all opinion based here. While it is very possible some of your concerns are valid, the way you present them at least here won't do anything good for the judge.

                              Look at your original post:

                              12.14 PM: the child began to complain: "It's, hot. Hot."

                              How do you know? According to you, you were video tapping on a distance, but then you wouldn't hear that.
                              How did you get a full custody? Did he not fight for it?

                              "screaming in her dreams, "No, no. Hot. Go away."
                              This may impress your friends, but not the judge.

                              Comment


                              • #30
                                It was in playground. I was behind her, just 4 meters away. I don't want to give a location, but it's possible to be there and not seen by her. But he knew I was around because it was said In an email and he did not object, as he was ok with me supervising.

                                He did not fight for the custody because he did not want to. He said, he has no ace for child, lives in basement, makes no money and cannot look after child full time.

                                Comment

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