Court ordered remedies?

[Hide on Bush]

Does your son have a good relationship with his paternal grandparents or any aunts & uncles? Could they do anything to help facilitate some kind of supervised access? Or even visit the child without the father so he doesn't get estranged from that side of his family. Most kids in my experience love going to see their grandparents.

Just trying to think outside the box and outside of court.

On my side he has a wonderful relationship.

On my Exs side, not at all. It was even ordered in 2016 that my Exs mother was not allowed to be present during my sons visits with his Dad due to his mother being extremely verbally abusive.

On my Exs side, all there is is my Ex and his mother.

[kate331]

Does your son have a good relationship with his paternal grandparents or any aunts & uncles? Could they do anything to help facilitate some kind of supervised access? Or even visit the child without the father so he doesn't get estranged from that side of his family. Most kids in my experience love going to see their grandparents.

Just trying to think outside the box and outside of court.

[Hide on Bush]

I think it�s also complicated by your son�s age. He is ten which is lower than most ages a judge would agree to allowing their voice. Not to mention, what if your ex does do therapy and improves himself, is your son going to continue not to see him?

Im not saying you havent done enough, Im saying your son needs therapy as well and he needs to realize he has to deal with his father at some point. It never gets easy and you can�t ignore them forever. I still deal with my difficult parent and it�s all well and good to ignore them but it still has an impact on my mental health and Ive been in therapy for two decades!

So my son is on the wait list for therapy and a psychiatrist in which he fully agrees to do it on his own

[rockscan]

I think it�s also complicated by your son�s age. He is ten which is lower than most ages a judge would agree to allowing their voice. Not to mention, what if your ex does do therapy and improves himself, is your son going to continue not to see him?

Im not saying you havent done enough, Im saying your son needs therapy as well and he needs to realize he has to deal with his father at some point. It never gets easy and you can�t ignore them forever. I still deal with my difficult parent and it�s all well and good to ignore them but it still has an impact on my mental health and Ive been in therapy for two decades!

[blinkandimgone]

Here is a valid question that I don’t know the answer to…

Is there even a point in moving forward with a motion to compel my ex to do therapy if he is not willing to take any steps on his own?

My Son is refusing to go. Period.

I jumped the gun on a motion because my ex didn’t want to take any steps to help the situation and I didn’t want the courts thinking I was preventing my son from leaving. So I wanted the courts to get involved to compel my ex to seek help.

Is there actually a reason to have this go forward with a motion if the earliest date is September? Or should we just move forward with the original case and ask for a SC and move on?

I think it depends in your approach. It's every parent's job to facilitate and encourage a relationship with the other parent. When that becomes damaging for the child, moving to suspend access or have supervised visitation until the other parent takes steps like therapy, anger management etc and improve their relationship with the child shows that you are doing everything you can to facilitate the relationship but in a healthy way for your child. You're not trying to cut off the relationship entirely.

Then the responsibility lies with the other parent to do what needs to be done to restore a regular schedule with the kid down the road. If he refuses, the courts will see that.

[Hide on Bush]

Its up to you. If he doesn�t seek therapy nothing will change. A court can order it to assist with reunification and improved relations but if your son still refuses and your ex is just as stubborn, nothing will happen. The benefit is he can�t file for contempt as he hadn�t done what he was ordered to do. He still has to pay support and expenses.

If you don�t do anything, he will still continue to show up at the school or the house and continue to send threatening emails.

You were the one pushing for this motion. What remedy did you hope to get?

I was hoping to get my ex to do therapy with my Son and get their relationship back on par.

But on the other end, that is not my responsibility to do that. My job was to take reasonable steps to make my son go which I feel I have done.

As for my ex showing up, my concern was for my son being placed in that situation. But honestly my son has come to a point where he is putting blinders on and ignoring his Dad. When I tell him to go, he says no that he doesn’t feel safe going.

I think this entire time I’ve been trying to parent my ex as well as my Son. I have done my part and that got me wondering if a motion was necessary.

Plus, at this point, I can’t even be sure I’d be able to get my Son to participate in therapy with his Dad. Not anymore.

I read Godard v Goddard and was concerned until I got to the point of:

“No doubt, it may be difficult to comply with an access order, especially as children get older. Parents are not required to do the impossible in order to avoid a contempt finding. They are, however, required to do all that they reasonably can. In this case, the motion judge inferred deliberate and wilful disobedience of the order from the appellant’s failure to do do all that she reasonably could: she failed to "take concrete measures to apply normal parental authority to have the child comply with the access order"”

I think when the only available option is court ordered therapy, I have taken all reasonable steps like stated above.


Between December 2021 and May 2022 I have (in order):

a) Provided an Offer to Settle offering the my Ex an addition weekend of parenting-time per month in addition to an extra week during my Son's summer vacation. I also stated I would facilitate the travel for the parenting-time (currently Ex is ordered to do all the travelling). Ex denied the offer because I asked for an extra 50km radius on where I can move.

b) Provided an Offer to Settle offering my Ex parenting-time of my Son every weekend from after school on Friday until 6:00pm on Sunday. Additionally, I offered my Ex to obtain an extra full week of parenting-time during my Son's summer vacation. This offer was denied by my Ex because again I was asking for an extra 50km.

c) I obtained a children’s counsellor for my Son after he made claims of the his Dad emotionally abusing him. That counsellor has been seeing my Son ever since.

d) I worked with my Son's teachers and Principal to get my Son to participate in the Rainbow Program which would allow my Son to express his negative feelings in a positive form through art.

e) As a result of the claims of emotional abuse, I contacted Maltby Center and spoke with a child therapist to try and obtain tools to ensure only positive remarks surrounding my Ex were expressed to my Son;

f) Due to my Son's claims of resorting to suicide if he was to go with my Ex, I contacted my Son's family doctor and obtained a referral for a child psychiatrist;

g) I contacted Maltby Center and obtained a referral for a child therapist through a senior mental health therapist who specializes with children;

h) I started working with my Son's Principal, Teachers, and my Son's counsellor to establish weekly counselling sessions with my Son and his counsellor during school hours prior to his scheduled visits with my Ex in order to hopefully encourage positive feelings for my Son to go.

j) Through an Offer to Settle, I requested Child Protection Mediation between my Ex and I which was subsequently denied by my Ex that day;

k) I requested Child Protection Mediation between my Ex and my Son which was subsequently denied by my Ex that day;

l) I have offered my Ex to meet with my Son at various locations where we would be present to spend the day with him, such as the gym, Trampoline Park etc. My Ex has not answer any of our offers to date.

m) I have offered for my Ex to make up all of the missed time with my Son at the completion of the therapy. Ex denied.

This includes OCL denying involvement twice.

[rockscan]

Its up to you. If he doesn�t seek therapy nothing will change. A court can order it to assist with reunification and improved relations but if your son still refuses and your ex is just as stubborn, nothing will happen. The benefit is he can�t file for contempt as he hadn�t done what he was ordered to do. He still has to pay support and expenses.

If you don�t do anything, he will still continue to show up at the school or the house and continue to send threatening emails.

You were the one pushing for this motion. What remedy did you hope to get?

[Hide on Bush]

Here is a valid question that I don’t know the answer to…

Is there even a point in moving forward with a motion to compel my ex to do therapy if he is not willing to take any steps on his own?

My Son is refusing to go. Period.

I jumped the gun on a motion because my ex didn’t want to take any steps to help the situation and I didn’t want the courts thinking I was preventing my son from leaving. So I wanted the courts to get involved to compel my ex to seek help.

Is there actually a reason to have this go forward with a motion if the earliest date is September? Or should we just move forward with the original case and ask for a SC and move on?

[Hide on Bush]

Is the CAS file heavily redacted? Honestly, I think it would take a Judge a lot to suspend a parent's access, so the more information the better imo.

What about supervised access as an alternative? Its your responsibility as parent to help facilitate some kind of relationship even if you have to resort to more creative ways, hopefully you are facilitating phone calls and facetimes.

CAS file only has my Ex's portion redacted. There are 10 pages that specifically detail my Son saying he fears his Dad, he has items thrown at him, Dad has threatened to call the cops on him to have him charges, Dad has spoken poorly about me, Dad has beaten the dog multiple times in front of him, Dad has called him "useless", "worthless", "piece of shit", Dad has stated "Tell your mom you want 50/50 and I'll buy you a playstation", "If you don't ask for 50/50 you will never see [Dad's dog] again"

That's just to name a few that is quoted from the report.

As for facilitating access...

Between December 2021 and May 2022 I have (in order):

a) Provided an Offer to Settle offering the my Ex an addition weekend of parenting-time per month in addition to an extra week during my Son's summer vacation. I also stated I would facilitate the travel for the parenting-time (currently Ex is ordered to do all the travelling). Ex denied the offer because I asked for an extra 50km radius on where I can move.

b) Provided an Offer to Settle offering my Ex parenting-time of my Son every weekend from after school on Friday until 6:00pm on Sunday. Additionally, I offered my Ex to obtain an extra full week of parenting-time during my Son's summer vacation. This offer was denied by my Ex because again I was asking for an extra 50km.

c) I obtained a children’s counsellor for my Son after he made claims of the his Dad emotionally abusing him. That counsellor has been seeing my Son ever since.

d) I worked with my Son's teachers and Principal to get my Son to participate in the Rainbow Program which would allow my Son to express his negative feelings in a positive form through art.

e) As a result of the claims of emotional abuse, I contacted Maltby Center and spoke with a child therapist to try and obtain tools to ensure only positive remarks surrounding my Ex were expressed to my Son;

f) Due to my Son's claims of resorting to suicide if he was to go with my Ex, I contacted my Son's family doctor and obtained a referral for a child psychiatrist;

g) I contacted Maltby Center and obtained a referral for a child therapist through a senior mental health therapist who specializes with children;

h) I started working with my Son's Principal, Teachers, and my Son's counsellor to establish weekly counselling sessions with my Son and his counsellor during school hours prior to his scheduled visits with my Ex in order to hopefully encourage positive feelings for my Son to go.

j) Through an Offer to Settle, I requested Child Protection Mediation between my Ex and I which was subsequently denied by my Ex that day;

k) I requested Child Protection Mediation between my Ex and my Son which was subsequently denied by my Ex that day;

l) I have offered my Ex to meet with my Son at various locations where we would be present to spend the day with him, such as the gym, Trampoline Park etc. My Ex has not answer any of our offers to date.

m) I have offered for my Ex to make up all of the missed time with my Son at the completion of the therapy. Ex denied.

My Ex has stated "This is a parenting issue, not an abuse one. [child] doesn't like my parenting and you should be getting on board with my parenting to make this easier for me." All while that parenting has resulted in abuse claims and suicidal thoughts...

As for telephone calls and FaceTime, my Son refuses to speak with my Ex. My Son literally asked my Ex to write a letter apologizing for swearing at him, and my Ex still refuses to write it stating I will use his grammar mistakes against him (seriously).

Before the claims of emotional abuse and suicide, I have bribed my Son to go. He refused. I have punished my Son to go. He didn't care.

It also doesn't help that my Ex has texted my Son, as of two weeks ago, blaming my husband and I for all of this. Saying, and I quote "[child] your just seeking attention and your mom and [my husband] are giving it to you making you feel like you can keep defying me."

My Ex has continued to ignore that my Son has claimed emotional abuse from my Ex and has said he would kill himself if he would go there.

How else could I facilitate access. Honestly, at this point, is there even a reason to?

[kate331]

Is the CAS file heavily redacted? Honestly, I think it would take a Judge a lot to suspend a parent's access, so the more information the better imo.

What about supervised access as an alternative? Its your responsibility as parent to help facilitate some kind of relationship even if you have to resort to more creative ways, hopefully you are facilitating phone calls and facetimes.

[rockscan]

Unless they are direct proof you need, dont include them.

[Hide on Bush]

You dont include offers to settle.

Does the cas report have a summary?

How is your affidavit still ten pages? It should be shorter. This motion is to suspend parenting time and get therapy. You dont need to discuss anything else.

I’m working on widling it down now but I am also looking at the length of my exhibits. The CAS report doesn’t have a summary.

I’ll remove the offers to settle. But what about prior orders and endorsements?

[rockscan]

Court ordered remedies?

You dont include offers to settle.

Does the cas report have a summary?

How is your affidavit still ten pages? It should be shorter. This motion is to suspend parenting time and get therapy. You dont need to discuss anything else.

[Hide on Bush]

So, again with my lack of experience, is a Affidavit in support of my motion to big if it is in total 100 pages? The Affidavit itself is 10 pages, but the Exhibits are voluminous. The CAS report is 40 pages itself and I have A-N in Exhibits including doctors notes, referrals, text messages (very few), offers to settle etc

Is there any need to include the following:

- Previous Orders (there are two that show a clear history of my ex failing to act in the best interest of my son ie requesting child support to be terminated, saying he wanted 50/50 for the purpose of lowering CS so he could get a larger mortgage, asking for $1000 off of arrears to pay for snow tires on his car etc)

- Offers to Settle

- A Request to Admit with the Response to which my ex stated he was qualified to make mental health assessments (he most certainly is not. He dropped out of HS), that he believed my son is making the claims to seek attention etc

- Endorsements from Judges

[Hide on Bush]

CAS are a waste of space. I had CAS involved with my children. They even wrote a letter to the court that my ex’s access should remain supervised or the children would be at risk. However, they refused to actually attend court in person which infuriated the judge. Once we were firmly embroiled in litigation and there was a custody and access assessor, CAS refused to get involved. They told me the court ordered assessor would do a risk assessment. The court ordered assessor out and out told me her role did not include risk assessment, that was the role of the CAS and she was only concerned with custody and access. As the years went by and my ex started to escalate, CAS still refused to go to court. The worker told me “we’re not there for mother’s like you who do everything right”. She also told me that she agreed the kids were at high risk if my ex ever got unsupervised access and they would only intervene when he hurt them again! Don’t waste your time with CAS. We had CAS from Peel region, Toronto, Durham region and Kawartha Lakes involved in our matter. Each as useless as the other.

Based on my experiences I completely agree with this.