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  • Court ordered remedies?

    So as far as I am aware, a judge cannot order two parties to conduct any form of mediation. I am trying to find a way to seek an order for anything that resembles mediation between a parent and the child.

    For clarity, my ex and my 10yo son are locking horns. My son is saying he doesn’t feel safe going to his dads and is making the decision to refuse to go for ordered parenting-time.

    My ex’s only course of action is to just wait outside of my house during the visits and essentially wait for my son to walk past him or verbally inform him he is not going.

    My ex has refused mediation between him and I, and is completely ignoring me when I tell him that each day my son gets away with defying the order builds his confidence even more to continue doing it.

    CAS got involved and their only recommendation was mediation in which again, my ex refused.

    My son is currently on the wait list for therapy and a child psychiatrist but that wait list is 8-10 months long.

    My ex has finally agreed that I am not the problem in this matter and it’s a problem between my ex and my son.

    Is there anything I can ask for through an order resembling a situation similar to mediation?

    My only option I have been able to think of is:

    - ex temporarily suspends his parenting time until my son gets help through therapy and/or his psychiatrist AND my ex has to complete various parenting programs.

    I’m hoping to find a less aggressive way of achieving my goal than asking for my ex to suspend his parenting time.

    Any ideas?

  • #2
    reconciliation therapy

    Comment


    • #3
      Originally posted by pinkHouses View Post
      reconciliation therapy
      That is exactly what I am looking for!

      A judge can order that? I found this saying it’s unlikely without both the parent and the child’s consent

      https://lukesplace.ca/family-reunification-therapy/
      Last edited by Hide on Bush; 04-26-2022, 06:47 AM.

      Comment


      • #4
        Its normally called reunification therapy and not many offer it. He should also be taking some parenting classes with CAS. Since your ex is keen on taking his lawyers advice on trying to keep his parenting time, he may be inclined to do this.

        Your first step will be to seek out several providers and what they offer. Also ask CAS about their parenting classes. From there, send all that information to your ex and advise him that should he not reach out to these providers himself, you will be requesting an order for it and if successful, costs to seek the order. That way if he refuses to do it voluntarily, you can file your emergency motion for supervised access and therapy and argue for costs. He cant keep sitting outside your house as that is harassment.

        You are also back to creating more threads. This and your other thread could have been kept in one of your other threads. You dont have to ask new questions in new threads.

        Comment


        • #5
          Reunification Therapy will cost upwards of $12-15k. It is required to be court ordered so that neither party can quit halfway through. It's a long program.

          Shop around for family therapists ... I wouldn't wait 8 months to get your child to speak with someone.

          Comment


          • #6
            If you have a local Family Service organization ie Family Service Kingston, they offer therapy programs as well.

            Comment


            • #7
              Originally posted by arbortrail22 View Post
              Reunification Therapy will cost upwards of $12-15k. It is required to be court ordered so that neither party can quit halfway through. It's a long program.

              Shop around for family therapists ... I wouldn't wait 8 months to get your child to speak with someone.
              Does this generally require both parents and the child to attend or just the parent and child having the problems?

              Comment


              • #8
                Everyone in the family participates- some sessions 1:1 and then group sessions too.
                The fees are most often ordered to be split so that both parents have skin in the game for resolution.
                I think your best route is family therapy. Getting the court order and aligning with an available reconciliation therapy centre will take a long time.

                Comment


                • #9
                  I truly believe it is OP that requires the parenting course. Through multiple accounts and stories, they've been trying to move away from ex. Unable to get a 10 year old to follow rules, speaks more towards mum than dad.

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Originally posted by StillPaying View Post
                    I truly believe it is OP that requires the parenting course. Through multiple accounts and stories, they've been trying to move away from ex. Unable to get a 10 year old to follow rules, speaks more towards mum than dad.
                    Not to be confrontational, but if my Son is refusing to go with his Father because he is claiming he doesn't feel safe due to being abused, what would you like me to do?

                    I have;

                    - Got my Son into counselling

                    - Got my Son referred to a child therapist (8 month wait)

                    - Got my Son referred to a child psychiatrist (10 month wait)

                    - Offered mediation through FACS (denied by Father)

                    - Have conducted counselling on my own to obtain tools to ensure I am portraying a positive environment for my child to want to return to his Father

                    - I have bribed him to go with his Father (prior to the abuse claims) which had no results

                    - I had punished him if he didn't go (again prior to abuse claims) and FACS scolded me for that in their report

                    - I have worked with my Son's school to ensure on the days he is supposed to go with his Father, he is afforded time to speak with his counsellor.

                    - I have convinced my Son to due mediation with his Father. Father denied to do it.

                    - I am now trying to find family therapy services to remedy this matter

                    All prior to me engaging the courts.

                    What else can I do? It needs to be noted that:

                    a) there was a third party report to FACS in which allegations of emotional abuse were expressed

                    b) FACS noted in their report there were signs of emotional abuse by the Father

                    c) Son has stated he will kill himself if he is forced to go with his father

                    d) I have sought tons of services to try and help my Son

                    e) Father is not willing to do anything other than continue to show up during his access and essentially sit there as he is ignored by my son.

                    Explain how parenting courses will assist me in doing any more for my son than I have been?

                    Also I have not been actively trying to move away at all. All I sought was the option to. For 7 years, that option was available to both parties to move anywhere in the province of Ontario. In 2019, my ex asked to restrict it to a 100km radius as he said he would try and be more involved in my son's life. Since 2019, he has spent even less time with him, and we are at this point now.

                    Again, me seeking the radius restrictions to be lifted is to afford me the opportunity to move. Further, as a caveat to the lifting of those restrictions, I offered my ex to have every single weekend (from every other weekend) and I would conduct all of the travel for the access exchanges. Additionally, I offered my ex to have the full summer vacation with my son rather than 1 week, in addition to other holidays in which he did not already have.
                    Last edited by Hide on Bush; 04-26-2022, 12:58 PM.

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Originally posted by StillPaying View Post
                      Unable to get a 10 year old to follow rules, speaks more towards mum than dad.
                      This was not necessary.

                      I'm a mom who has struggled with getting my child to attend parenting time. Lucky for me OCL sided in my favour and now dad time is EOW. Its still a struggle and unless you know what that's like (bases on this post I will assume you don't) don't make those types of comments.

                      Multiple threads, whatever !! Sounds like she has done pretty much everything she can think of to get her kid to go.

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Originally posted by LMum View Post
                        This was not necessary.

                        I'm a mom who has struggled with getting my child to attend parenting time. Lucky for me OCL sided in my favour and now dad time is EOW. Its still a struggle and unless you know what that's like (bases on this post I will assume you don't) don't make those types of comments.

                        Multiple threads, whatever !! Sounds like she has done pretty much everything she can think of to get her kid to go.
                        I was hoping for OCL to get involved but they denied both requests. I am beginning to run out of ideas to a point where I will have no other option than either do nothing and continue to let my 10yo dictate access, or get the court to step in.

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Create your settlement offers.
                          If you want to post them here that would be an interesting read.
                          Bundle them up an send them to your exes lawyer.
                          Do that before filing a motion, you have time.

                          You paying for mediation is likely going to be a waste of money, they already reneged.

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Originally posted by pinkHouses View Post
                            Create your settlement offers.
                            If you want to post them here that would be an interesting read.
                            Here is my most recent one

                            Dear [Opposing Counsel],

                            You recently informed me in an email that your client has been, and is currently willing to come to an agreement to remedy this matter outside of the courtroom. It is my belief based on your clients last message to me that the only agreement he is willing to partake in, is paid, private Alternative Dispute Mediation between your client and I and not Child Protection Mediation through Family and Children's Services. As I have stated previously, even if your client’s relationship with me was in pristine condition, [the child's] feeling would remain the same. However, I am still willing to partake in Child Protection mediation.

                            In order to shift the focus around improving [the child's] mental health thus his relationship with your client, I had made an offer to settle in which would require your client to temporarily suspend his parenting-time while we await [the child] to obtain mental health assistance. While this assistance was in the works, your client and I would resume child protection mediation through Family and Children’s Services. Your client denied that offer.

                            My new offer, which will remain active along with my other, until five minutes after the commencement of the motion hearing is this:

                            1.Your client and [the child] conduct Alternative Dispute Resolution through the assistance of Family and Children’s Services. During this process, your client’s parenting-time will be suspended until such time as [the child] decides to return with your client on his own free will.

                            It should be noted that presently, [the child] is unilaterally refusing to partake in any form of communication and parenting-time with your client. Your client’s current plan of solely parking outside of my residence or my parents residence causing a scene has not been shown as effective. On the contrary, as expected, it has made matters worse as shown today when your client ambushed [the child] when he was playing outside with his Sister and Grandmother which turned into a public argument resulting in your client dismissing [the child's] feelings. Your client and [the child] need to handle their matters in a controlled environment with qualified individuals whose sole job is to act in [the child's] best interest. This is why my recommendation for mediation is through Family and Children’s Services and not [my ex's counsellor] as your client previously requested.

                            As it is my belief the Court is unable to Order a parent to conduct mediation, and it is highly unlikely the Office of the Children’s Lawyer will reevaluate their stance, if your client in unwilling to participate, I am going to seek the Court to order a suspension of parenting-time and for your client to undergo various parenting-classes while [the child] obtains therapy in order to get the same result as ADR through FACS would obtain.

                            The current situation we are currently in has been in the foresight of various people, from [the child's] counselors, to CAS, to even myself. So many individuals have told your client his current behavior would push [the child] to this point and here we are now. Everyone from my husband, myself, [the child's counsellor], [the child's principal], [the child's teacher], and my entire family have been doing what we can to return [the child] to a point where he will return to visits with your client. It even came to a point where all [the child] wanted was a letter from your client in which, to this date, he still refuses to do.

                            The current course of action is not working. Alternative Dispute Resolution between your client and I will not alter [the child's] current mental state as I have been advocating for your client despite his inaction. I have been trying to cross the fine line in which [the child] is claiming emotional abuse and resorting to self-harm if he is to return to your client, with getting [the child] to a position where he feels safe to return, all while your client is unwilling to participate and solely blaming a difference in parenting styles. This is why I continue to offer Child Protection mediation. We both know, and common sense would dictate, that a Judge would not order a child claiming emotional abuse and a risk of suicide to reside with that parent. With the current climate, through your client’s inaction, [the child] is escalating to a point where his desire to return to visits with your client will diminish completely and a court order will not change that.

                            This matter needs to be handled appropriately now before we cross the point of no return which is becoming drastically closer. Another factor that has made this matter exponentially more difficult is your client directing me to contact you for all of these matters, and you not responding. I understand you are busy, and as such I would hope you would counsel your client in his ability to co-parent with me on this, or have more timely responses.

                            Sincerely,

                            Hide on bush


                            This offer was denied this morning.

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              I don't know enough on this subject but there is a form for making offers and it includes the legal terms presented. You can sent of many at the same time and make sections severable..


                              I am hoping others here will state what is required for an effective offer.

                              Comment

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