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Living arangements

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  • Living arangements

    Hi - my daughter and stbx recently sold the primary residence since neither could afford t buy each other out. She had been living there with the 3 kids aged 3 yrs old twins and 2 and he was residing with his parents.custody right now id M-F with her , weekends with him. She has decided to rent a home with instead of buying again with the insane real estate prices to accommodate her kids and herself size wise and to have money left over in case she doesn't receive her child support. Her stbx has been asked to move out of his parent home several times and find his own place, he has informed her he will be moving in with a friend next month but it is a 2 bedroom and there is no place for the kids in the apartment and he said his friend doesn't want kids there every weekend, plus it isn't safe on the 9th floor for kids etc... He said he is going to drop the kids off at his parents house every weekend and visit them there and they will sleep there. He has been going out (when restaurants and bars are opened) at night when he has the kids and not coming back and leaving the kids with his parents..Yes I know this is none of my business and they are decent people but the issue is he is dumping his responsibility on his parents every weekend when she would like them on some weekends - he demanded every weekend because he chose to move back there too far away to see them on a nightly basis closer by. he will have a substantial amount of money from the house sale - in the hundred of thousands and makes decent money so it's not that he can't afford a decent place for all of them without a roommate - She signed away her rights to spousal support as well, that was the only way he would agree to sell the house she could no longer afford to pay for. He could rent a place with space for them close to their daycare ( he doesn't pay for daycare - its subsidized) and where they live now but is choosing to move in with a buddy no where near them. Would it be wrong to suggest he reconsider his plan and suggest he alter his every weekend since he doesn't plan to have them actual visit him but his parents.

  • #2
    first thing- paragraphs are good.

    second- this is your adult daughter, yeah? Is she the one offering up advice on his living arrangements or are you thinking of making the suggestion? Or has she asked you to post on her behalf?


    • #3
      sorry - yes paragraphs would of helped..

      yes she's an adult, she will be the one speaking to him , I am the one familiar with this forum from my past divorce issues many years ago.


      • #4
        First, your daughter canít tell him what to do on his time or what he does with his money. If he wants to leave the kids with his parents as they have more room, so be it.

        What she can do though is change the schedule. Tell him every other weekend with a dinner during the week. See if he takes that option. Then she gets some weekends and he doesnít have to worry.

        Otherwise she is going to have to go to court for anything else. Regardless of whether she gave up spousal, the schedule has to be what is best for the kids. If they are spending more time with his parents than him then it may not be best. Either way, she needs to deal with it that way. He may not be living with this roommate forever.


        • #5
          Brampton33 please accept my apologies - it was not my intention to imply that raising a child in an apartment was unsafe -but I see you point, you're not in my head to see the bigger picture of the children is autistic and requires a more diligent approach to safety than a typical child .. the father is well aware of this.

          Because of where he has chosen to live he knows and he has stated he cannot bring the kids there - no way to secure it for this child , plus no rooms for the kids anyways.


          • #6
            Impecuniosity does not dictate custody matters. Seems like the father cannot afford a place, and he has found a way to make this work for the children. He should be celebrated, not castigated.

            I think the plan of having the kids stay with the grandparents is great.


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