Offer to Settle- Access Motion- Thoughts?

[Elomelo8387]

Hi,

Looking for some insight. Trying to put together a settlement offer before my ex tries to proceed to a motion. Backstory: Ex is in Mtl. I am in Oakville. We have a 3 year old. He lives with me and always has. Dad had very liberal access which he used and also missed a shit ton of visits.

My offer consisted of bi weekly avcess in Oakville and then have every third weekend I would meet half way so dad could have kid in Montreal. I gave up 20-27 in Christmas provided he shared the driving for exchanges. I gave one week in August and One week in July that coincided with the holidays and asked to split the rest of the Stat holidays.

Ex countered with basically wanting all stat holidays wants all Christmas as above and the two weeks I initially offered and share all transport. He also wants the right to reserve that if he misses visits in Oakville it’s forgivable and shouldn’t impact future access he says it’s Covid related.

Ok so let’s be real. He’s come to see the kid previously even when it was Covid. Covid shouldn’t impact parenting commitments and schedules.

Is there anything else I can do to settle or is his offer fair or should I just give my chances to a judge. Literally he wants me to take all the responsibility and parent and take all the holidays which to me is unfair. It’s one thing if he’s a plane ride away but he’s a little driving distance. I already gave up Christmas holidays which is super important to me as well as the summer STAT holidays but he wants more more more. Thought?

[rockscan]

Your offer is fair for a guy who let you move. If he isn’t going to accept then let him go to a motion. A judge wouldnt let him have all holidays. There has to be a balance.

But thats just my two cents.


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[Elomelo8387]

Honestly it looks like it’s getting to that point. I just wanted to save all that money.

[rockscan]

If he isnt willing to settle then its best to save your money for the fight.


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[iona6656]

Honestly it looks like it’s getting to that point. I just wanted to save all that money.

One thing I've learned is being afraid of court is actually going to cost you MORE money in the long run- all the lawyers letters back and forth, etc. Even if you are a self-rep, that's your time and aggravation. Is the other party willing to go to a mediator or parental counselor who can help you both come up with a parenting schedule?

My daughter was between 2-3 yrs old when we were figuring out the parenting schedule. There's a lot more to consider with younger kids - other than just what is "fair" for the parents.

[Elomelo8387]

I hear you and I’m trying to be fair and cognizant of that but my ex always feels like he is the victim and getting the short end of the stick. He still is in denial of the problems of our relationship and thinks things would have worked out if I gave it more time ����*♀️

[lorely]

I need some advice, we have final court order for parenting schedule, drop off on Wedensdays morning 6:30-7 am. Everything was well up to now, my ex not stable at all with parenting times, leaving kids under our care several times for "being sick" or "having too much work to do for work" or "being stressed". All of a sudden he wants motion to change the drop off from Wednesay morning at the specified time to dropping them off at school. I dont agree with the change. Can he be successful with the motion?
Since pandemic started he is working from home but I am sure this is not forever.
Thank you.

[rockscan]

First what is the issue with dropping them at school? It seems such a minor change that you could be seen as unreasonable.

Second, he can WANT a motion but he has to file a motion and he wont see a judge until next year.

The best bet is to work with him on it. Regardless of what you like, is there a way to compromise in the best interest of the kids?


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[lorely]

The drop off is at my place, I have the time with them until dropping them off at school. I offered for the best interest of the kids to drop them off on Tuesday evening right before bedtime, he declined. Kids prefer my offer, they are 13 and 10 yrs old.
His argument is that is hard to wake them up in the morning but he had no issues up to now. It's more for his convenience if you would ask me.
I offered to try to settle between us, without motion, he says it will take too long.
How do you see this from my point of view?

[Janus]

Kids prefer my offer, they are 13 and 10 yrs old.

Not their choice, especially the 10 year old.

Can he be successful with the motion?

Probably, I cannot see any judge thinking that an extra transition right before school is somehow better than going straight to school.

[rockscan]

Agree with Janus. Let him drop them at school. You shouldnt even be asking the kids. Dad will drop you at school period. Why would you want them to have to get up earlier just to go to your house so you can do what he is offering to do which is take them to school? A judge would more than likely rule in his favour. You are going to go to court for that? Waste of time and money!


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[LovingDad1234]

Best approach is to find a solution in working with your ex with as little of conflict as possible.

Going to court over something as trivial as a Wednesday drop-off is ridiculous. The courts are log jammed. Correction: the courts were logged jammed before the pandemic. Now they are insanely log jammed where trials have been pushed back 6-9 months from their proposed dates.

Try to work it out with your ex. A motion for this type of issue would be a waste of the courts time, and also money that could be used towards your kid.

[Stillbreathing]

Lorely, what does your question have to do with the OP’s ? Nothing! Don’t hijack somebody else’s thread. If you want to ask questions about your situation then start your own thread.

Now back to the OP.

Your offer to settle was more than reasonable and there is no way a judge would give your partner ALL the Christmas holidays. I agree with the other posters that you shouldn’t be afraid to go to court. It’s your ex who should be afraid. A judge will split the holidays and after they have made the order will look at your offer to settle. Because your offer to settle is better than anything the judge would have ordered for your ex and he refused to accept it, there is a very good chance he will have to pay your court costs as well.

[lorely]

LovingDad1234, Rocksan, Janus thank you very much for your advices. Very good insight, agreed with you always settlement is the best.
Looked like it was just another "fun" period for my ex, ended up emailing that we should have a verbal agreement in changing the time with 15 min...